Ok so I've been with this guy for a year & a half already, but something changed all of a sudden. I asked him

Question

what's going on & he told me that he just want us to be friends right now. I asked him why all of the sudden he told me this, but he said he wants to concentrate on his education/career and being in a relationship will just hinder him from opportunity. It's a little harder for us to be just friends because we bought a house together so we live together. We can't sell because we'll be screwed so that's not a choice. Later on I asked him again what was going on and he told me that I hurt him really bad one time ( I saw him talking to his ex gf and I slapped him and I guess I got mad because I thought he's cheating on me ) I have a problem with all my exes because they all cheated on me and he has issues with girl being jealous because his mom was jealous freak when he was growing up and I guess it scares him. So is this a logical reason why would he want us to be only friends? I've been checking who he talks to on the phone and there's this girl I don't know & when I ask him about her he

gets mad & tells me I'm jealous. He tells me that she's just a friend. She calls him anytime day/night and he calls her too. I told him I want to break up and he told me that he loves me & don't want to lose me. He acts so nice & loving towards me for example: buying stuff for the house, planning the future with me. He even told me that he would get married someday & hopes it'll be with me. But when I try to get close to him physically & emotionally he tells me that I'm moving too fast for him and when I asked him what does he want me to do to not scare him away he'll tell me he doesn't know. I told him that the very first time he asked me to be his gf he should have realized that he needed to be faithful to me and not talk to other girls and that it's normal for a gf to be jealous if her bf is doing so, right? We also work together. I know for sure that they've been talking/texting for the past 2 weeks. He would tell me that he still loves me and that I'm one of the best things

that had happened to him. He was in a major accident last year and almost all of his friends/family abandoned him, but I was there to take care of him and for support..he said he was thankful that I'm in his life then and so does now. I asked him if we should see other people, he'll said it's ok if I want to, but he said it'll be painful for him to see me with another guy. We've been making all the decisions together for either what color should we paint the wall, how to decorate a room, how much we can spend for thanksgiving/ christmas, and so on. So I'm not really sure what to do. He tells me that he loves me and it would hurt him if I'm not going to be in his life anymore, but he'll tell me that he'll be there for me no matter what eventhough if we're only friends. What you guys think?

Answer 1

He's cheating on you with this girl he accuses you of being jealous over - but doesn't have the what-ever-it-takes to tell you flat out.

I'd offer to sell him your half of the house and move on.

Answer 2

Whatever happened in your past is irrelevant to what your problems are today. So your bf is talking to his ex gf. They talk frequently. While that is certainly suspicious behavior, that by itself is not cheating. So you need to accept that is not the sole reason your relationship is dead in the water.

You have control issues...you are constantly convinced every guy you date will "cheat" on you. Are you really sure, all your ex's in fact cheated on you? Or did you break up with them because you were convinced they were, when they really were not? Why do you think our judicial system is set up with "Beyond a Reasonable Doubt" for a conviction...vs "proponderence of evidence"? Even if some of your ex's did cheat on you, why do you think they did? Because you drove them away from you....accusations, nagging, suspicisions etc. It was probably only incidental they ended up with new gf's.

All I can say, is that you should consult with a relationship therapists for advice and therapy. If that doesn't work, well then, sell your part of the house (consult an attorney) and get out. Find yourself a new place to live on your own.

Answer 3

OK, I do think he loves you. I am not sure he is in love with you, he may be. I do think this other girl is the problem between the 2 of you and causing him to be confused. I think he is interested in her and feeling torn. I understand you are in a bad situation with not being able to move and not wanting to give up on your investment (house and relationship). However, in this case, he needs to make a decision regarding whether he wants to be with you or not. Even if he hasn't done anything physically with this girl who is calling, he is having an emotional affair with her. That is unacceptable if he wants you to be faithful to him. I think the only way to stop this behavior is to give him a taste of the same medicine. You don't have to get involved with a man physically, just start talking to men, hanging out with them, texting them, etc. If he is in love with you, this should hurt him and he should want to make a commitment to you. I had a friend who was dating her boyfriend for 5 years (lived with him for about 3). He wasn't interested in marrying her but he loved her and wanted to be with her. She decided after 5 years she wasn't sure if this relationship was what she wanted and she left. They stayed friends and before long they were back together as she realized what she had lost and he did too. He proposed to her a few months later and they have been married for about 10 years now and have 2 children. Sometimes you have to feel the threat of losing someone you love to realize that you do love them and how much you want them in your life. He may need that wake up call.

Answer 4

Of course just from what you wrote, probably no one else can tell you for sure what has been occuring. Or if he has been or is having an "emotional" or physical affair.

Regarding Johns comments about "driving them to cheat on you" - no, it is still their / our own choice and responsability to be honest and faithful if we are involved with someone.
If you have been lied to and cheated on before by other partners, and you are with someone now who has similar tendencies, behaviours and selfabsorbed attitudes which attempt to rationalize cheating and lying as being okay because you have valid concerns about their behaviours which are common to lying and cheating people, then you are with someone who lacks the integrity, honesty and true love to be worthy of committment and your time.
At the same time, it is important to not angrily, stubbornly accuse someone of something in a hostile, blaming way as if you know for certain they have done something if you really do not know. And using physical violence, male or female, as well as overt hostile, blaming and crazy anger which blocks truly hearing & feeling where another is coming from, saying and meaning is counterproductive too.

Learn to meditate, even if for just 15 minutes a day, to calm your mind & emotions. This will help to be clearer & calmer. To feel truth more accurately, and to communicate your concerns more productively.
About knowing if he is cheating, lying,etc.. Ask, inquire and feel your intuition. If we really love someone that has been lied to and cheated on in the past, we will understand and be patient & lovingly communicative in opening and answering their questions & concerns honestly. Unless we have something we are trying to hide or are simply self-absorbed, in which case not ready for a healthy relationship.

Answer 5

Dude's have been given dedication themes and does not understand what he needs - that's drama proper there. in spite of the undeniable fact that, you probably did no longer help by way of being jealous (nonetheless does not justify a number of his strikes). ask your self some difficulty-unfastened questions - is the relationship (if there is one) nicely actual worth the strain? are you able to do greater desirable? in case you're giving issues up for him, how a lot is he giving up for you? A healthful relationship is ninety% supply, and 10% receive. the factor is, the the two one in all you will possibly desire to be receiving that 10%, do you recognize what I mean? If he thinks issues are shifting too immediately, the two sluggish it down (i've got extensive-unfold people who have been at the same time for over 4 years till now issues went everywhere) or discover somebody else in case you do in contrast to taking it sluggish. in case you may no longer wait now, what makes you think of it may be nicely worth it for the the remainder of your existence?