I guess, we've always been in competition. I wasn't the greatest friend to her in elementary school now, she got married and I didn't get invited to the wedding but it was really nice and I want her photographer....now I feel like I'm competing against her because i'm getting married in a few months also, I feel its taking the joy out my wedding help.
2007-11-28 01:43:59 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I just feel like now mine has to be bigger, better more extravaggant but its so much pressure :(
2007-11-28 01:48:21 · update #1
But...this is payback...she was REALLY REALLY jealous of me when I was a cheerleader in High School!!!
2007-11-28 06:23:47 · update #2
Congratulations on recognizing that there's a problem. That's a big part of solving it right there. BUT you really can't do it alone.
I'm going to suggest counseling. I know that seems like a cop-out but seriously, your fragile self esteem is going to get you into trouble - it will cost you much more than just money and stress. It will cost you jobs, friendships - even your marriage later on in life.
So even this isn't really an answer to your problem I truly hope you will consider counseling so you can learn some new ways to address this feeling of inferiority and competition.
Good luck.
2007-11-28 02:03:18 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Easy.. Think about what YOU want and not what she had at her wedding. Also, I would not ask to use her photographer since you were not invited to her wedding. If you know the photographer than there is nothing to stop you from calling this person up. It is sad that your special day has become a competition with your ex-friend instead of a special memory for you and your future husband.
I have learned that each wedding I attend is very different and some better than others. It is not always the AMOUNT of MONEY you spend but the people that surround you on your day. I have been to huge expensive weddings that were so beautiful but boring and guests left early without dancing. I have been to smaller weddings when guests still wanted to dance the night away after it was over.
I have learned that unique ideas that has never been done at former weddings is something worthy doing since it can become quite memorable. At the end of the night I gave our beautiful centerpieces to important family members 'one by one' and said thankyou for sharing my day. They never expected it. The florist helped me create this idea. It was a hit and made so many people feel special.
2007-11-28 03:02:24 · answer #2 · answered by hiya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Focus on not being "better", just different.
If you are a person of faith, pray to help you overcome the temptation of being covetous. If you weren't even there, I don't know how you know enough about what it was like to try and compete anyway.
The wedding is one day--the marriage is hopefully for a lifetime. Think about looking forward to a happy life with your husband and let the day be more of a celebration of that and not an "event" for show. If you can center yourself and exude the confidence and happiness of a bride truly in love, you will outshine her with the glow of a sincerely happy and blushing bride.
When I go to weddings, sure I notice all the trappings, but one thing I look for is whether or not the couple look truly happy or whether they look all stressed or have drama going on. I love to see weddings that look like the couple is going to truly make it because they seem so absolutely crazy about each other and to be truly enjoying the moment.......go for that--it is priceless!
2007-11-28 01:56:56 · answer #3 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Will then there you go STOP your no better then her i'm sure.But you can still have a beautiful wedding and all.Try to find your own photographer on your own if not just tell her you really like the job they done on her wedding pic.As you said you wasn't a good friend in school, stop competing with her,And start to enjoy your own wedding plains.Best Wishes to you
2007-11-28 01:52:20 · answer #4 · answered by Toni A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not competing with her, you are envious of her and want to copy her ideas for your own wedding. lets be real. she did not even invite you to her wedding. i imagine she does not even think of you. this is the good news. you want a wedding as nice or nicer than hers? honey, honey, that is not called competing, that is called inspiration. her beautiful wedding has inspired !!! you to want to express some of the same lovely feelings and ideas. dont be silly here, there is no way two weddings will ever be the same. so use the same everything as her, it does not matter one bit, cause there will be so manydifferent things about your wedding, starting with you yourself, that no one will know you ever felt this way. so stop feeling this way. my friend has a beautiful home in the french style. i happened to buy a home in the same style, i would never think that my friend would think, oh, she bought a french house cause i have a french house. my house is filled with my own touches. read a bunch of wedding magazines and have a few ideas that are your own that you may see there and you will be fine. believe me, if you want, invite her to your wedding and restart your friendship as married people.
2007-11-28 04:05:07 · answer #5 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every wedding is different. Stop worrying about how her wedding was done and start thinking about how you would like yours to be. If you're constantly comparing yours to hers, you'll never be satisfied. Also, if you're getting married in a few months, you should already have your photographer lined up. Jealousy and envy are never good emotions, all they'll do is eat at you.
2007-11-28 04:04:27 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wedding is personal! it has nothing to do with makes someone else feel jealous about. that is no reason to get married! to compete with someone elses! if you are happy getting married on the street to the one you love then so be it! who cares if she had a better dress or a better picture! it is about you sharing your love for someone special!
2007-11-28 01:53:36 · answer #7 · answered by blondestar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've always felt that if someone would ask me for something like that I would take it as a compliment. You apparently liked her photographer enogh to use at your wedding. Make sure you want to use them for the right reasons & not competition.
2007-11-28 01:48:18 · answer #8 · answered by underthemoon101 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
personally - i would think of the financial aspect of it --- do you want more bills then her? let money to live on later?
Compete with her financially- and be financially better off then her!
get a diff photographer ---- photographers seem to do the same things for weddings--
pick a better one.
2007-11-28 02:15:20 · answer #9 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is for you and your fiance. The only way to stop competing is to stop obsessing. Who cares what she had if the two of you are no longer friends? Worry about your wedding and forget what she did.
2007-11-28 01:47:23 · answer #10 · answered by vaya 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋