to let him know that I am engaged to be married. I know that he still loves me and this could be very difficult for him, but I respect him and would prefer that he hear this news from me instead of one of our mutual friends. What should the email say? I keep starting it and can't figure out what to say, other than..."Just wanted to let you know that I'm engaged" which seems a little insensitive. Any help?
2007-11-28 01:43:04 · 18 answers · asked by Sharon 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Geez people...I don't still have feelings for him, I've been with my fiancee for over 3 years. However, I was with the ex for almost 8 years and we do still have occasional emails to catch up. I almost feel like not mentioning it to him would make him feel like I still have feelings for him or something.
I read that it is appropriate for a divorcee to let her ex husband know she is getting married and this seems like the same sort of situation to me.
I really have no feelings for him though, and I do wish him the best in life. And yes, my fiancee knows that I am going to let my ex know, he has been helping me figure out how to best do that and suggested that I ask all of you!
2007-11-28 02:13:19 · update #1
I personally dont think this is necessary, but if you feel you must, just write him one of your "catch up" emails
Dear Fred,
Hope this note finds you doing well, having survived Thanksgiving with your family and getting ready for the battlefields of the Christmas holidays. I am doing well, have some big news to share, as you know Dan and I have been dating seriously for some time and recently he has asked me to marry him. I, of course, said yes and and just thrilled to death. My other news seems to dim in comparison to that, but I have also recently gotten a promotion (or whatever news is also going on in your life).
I must be going now, but am looking forward to hearing back from you about whats new in your life.
Have a great Christmas,
Sue
Dont sugar coat it, just lay it out there matter-of-factly, its news, its actually happening and you arent writing it to make him try a last ditch effort, so I would just tell him frankly that it has happened and then go on with your other news as well. Dont make some huge deal out of it by saying, "i hope you are ok with all this" or "I dont want to upset you", thats not what you should do with this piece of information.
Good luck.
2007-11-28 02:27:33 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't seem like a good idea to me. Does your fiance know that you are thinking of e-mailing him? If he is still in love with you it's probably not a good idea to have contact with him if you are moving on and planning on getting married, leave him alone so he can also move on. Sorry to sound so rude but it just seems odd to me that you feel the need to tell an ex you are engaged. I certainly didn't tell any ex's of mine when I got engaged. It almost sounds like you still have feelings for him if you are so worried about how he will feel when he finds out from someone else.
2007-11-28 10:01:31 · answer #2 · answered by Jo 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I called both of my exes. One of them I was not worried about at all. The other, I was so nervous to tell. I just flat out told him that I had some news that I felt weird telling him about and that I was engaged. In the end, we had a good laugh about the whole thing because it was just a awkward situation. I would recommend a phone call as opposed to an e-mail though. It is more personal and then you will know where he stands.
2007-11-28 09:49:33 · answer #3 · answered by vaya 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't see why you NEED to tell him if he's your ex unless you two are still close friends. If this is so, than email him to see how he's doing, ask him about his life and then clue him in on what's going on with yours. Tell him that you've gotten engaged, you're very happy and what the plans are for the wedding. Be easy going about it and don't right away assume that it will be very difficult for him. If he does still care for you he'll be happy and it might be a good way for him to realize it's time to move on.
2007-11-28 09:51:06 · answer #4 · answered by Marra's mommy 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
i had to do the same thing with my ex boyfriend but over a phone call. i just simply called and said i wanted to let you know before someone else did that i am engaged. he just asked why, i told him and that was the end of it. there is not really any "sensitive" way to go about it. my ex still had feelings for me but at some point they learn to deal with the fact that you moved on.
2007-11-28 10:21:20 · answer #5 · answered by always thinkin 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Here we go.
Why is it that women feel the need to "let a guy know" they've moved on. Ummm, you two are not together so you're no longer obligated to check in.
From a male perspective, a guy would think you were trying to rub it in his face with even though you're trying to pass it off as some high and mighty deed.
Why do you think he cares if you're getting married?
Why do you feel you need to interrupt his life to advise him of your being engaged?
It seems to me like you're the one that's still attached....otherwise you wouldn't bother even considering to tell him.
It's almost like you want to say, "hey look at me, look what I can do".
Move on with your life, get over him. I think it's you who is stuck on him, not the other way around.
2007-11-28 09:54:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
The answer to that question is no. It is best to keep away and work on building a new life with the one you love now. That feeling of love you still have for your ex is just a fantasy feeling that will go quick trust me. I have been there done that. Don't email him nor call just let him go.
2007-11-28 09:50:19 · answer #7 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hello, I honestly would not wirte to him. 1st of all, think of your guy, how would you feel if he contacted an old girlfriend. I just don't think you would like it..might even cause some terrible trouble...you know that old green monster
You should let it be. Your mutual friends will help him through this time. You didn't say how long ago you were with him, but if your old enough to be getting married, he must be old enough to realize that life does go one, sometimes with out the ones we thought we loved.
be happy, keep moving ahead with your life
2007-11-28 09:50:04 · answer #8 · answered by tootles 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Its great that you guys still talk, and if he is a friend then you should tell him. I personally would recommend a phone call. Just tell him that you have some very important news and that you would like to share it with him. Please be sure to inform your fiance that you are doing this so he doesn't feel awkward later.
Congrats on the engagement~!!!!
2007-11-28 10:38:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Say exactly what you just said, short and sweet. "I wanted to update you on something that is going on in my life and I thought it was better that it come from me rather than through the grapevine. I'm engaged to a wonderful man and really excited about it. I hope that you can be excited for me as I wish you nothing but happiness for you in your future. I am really looking forward to this new chapter in my life." Something like that. Hope it helps.
2007-11-28 09:48:44 · answer #10 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋