I have been in this relationship for 5yrs and recently I cheated and she found out. She does not know all of the details but she knows and the hurt is still there. I am very sorry and not talking to the other person anymore (althought I kinda want to). I want to really try to make things work and if they dont then they dont well they didnt. She is super hurt and tends to be mean and hurtful to me at times. I know that she is feeling pain but my question is "how long am i supposed to wait for her to stop being hurtful to me" I dont want the whole cheating thing to turn into an excuse to treat me like this forever! She has told me that she does not know if she needs a break. I am willling to but what does a break consist of? I am super confused and sad....like i said the other person is still on my mind but I am honestly trying to work things out.
2007-11-28 01:29:51 · 51 answers · asked by CA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. Once broken it is difficult to repair. All you can do is tell her how truly sorry you are and will never cheat again. Hopefully in time she will forgive you.
Best of luck
2007-11-28 01:35:31 · answer #1 · answered by KyLoveChick 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Are you really sure the thing with the other person is dead and buried because you say you kinda want to talk to her and maybe on a subconscious level maybe something more??? First of all I think you need to be sure you're done with the other girl and you still want your gf because you love her and not just cause you’re used to being with her (after all a 5 year relationship is kinda long and you get used to the other person) otherwise it may happen again and that would be very bad.
But if you're 100% sure you really want her you need to give her some time and space because there's nothing else you can do. I think right now she's at the helm of the relationship and if you really want her to forgive you then keep trying showing her that you love her and you’re truly sorry even if she is mean sometimes, you hurt her after all.
Once the trust is breached it’s really difficult to get it back again, but not impossible if both parties are willing.
Hope it helps, good luck!
2007-11-28 01:52:09 · answer #2 · answered by sweet thing 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The main thing is that the other person has no place in your mind, it will make it easy to run to the other girl and that will make it worse. Next, this too shall pass, if she wants to break it off she will. You need to be there, do not get mad at her for being hurt mad or upset,let her hang it on you, admit you were wrong and do not get defensive, remember you are the one who did the deed, you are the one responsible for the consequenses . If you are lucky she will be over it and ok in a year. That all depends on what you choose to do between now and then. In the mean time if you cant live without her you need to stay, if you can, you need to bow out, it will never work if you are not fully committed to her and this realationship and you will find your self in the arms of yet another woman, wondering why this keeps happening.
2007-11-28 01:38:38 · answer #3 · answered by Crystal K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long you're willing to wait depends on how much you love her. There's really no set time limit on how much time she'll need or how long it'll take for her to get over what happened.
I wouldn't allow her to be mean forever, but if this happened recently then, in my opinion, she has every right to be mean if it gets her feelings out. She has a lot of resentment and hurt towards you right now, and a lot of feelings to work through if you guys are going to be together.
I'm glad to hear you're doing the right thing by not talking to the girl you cheated with. That will definitely help. Just be patient and supportive of your girlfriend right now and do whatever you need to do to help her work through it. Later down the road (after she's had a while to heal), if she's still being mean and resentful, and it's hurting your feelings toward her, explain to her that she's going to have to let go of this if you two are going to have a successful relationship, and that you'll never cheat again.
...and whatever you do, don't cheat again!
2007-11-28 01:38:27 · answer #4 · answered by ♬♥YouBetcha♥♬ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHY? WHY? In all seriousness now that the damage is done, 5 years is a long time. I think you should take the break. It isn't right for her to be mean and hurtful to you but at the same time, some of us, myself included do not deal with pain so well. Infidelity is such a hurtful, self esteem crushing thing. Besides your still thinking about the person you cheated with. I wouldn't tell her that to avoid further pain but I would take the break. Maybe you need to figure out what you really want. She deserves and the other person and you deserve not to be in that web of confusion. Good Luck.
2007-11-28 01:37:43 · answer #5 · answered by g 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
let me tell you a little story. I was in a 4 year realtionship and was engaged for the last 6 months of it. My boyfriend had cheated on me several times and I always forgave him. Then I moved away for college. Found out that he had been cheating on me the whole time we were engaged. I finally realized that it wasn't right for him to being doing this to me and I ended it.
I know exactly what your girlfriend is going thru. She is going to be hurt for a long time. She has so many emotions going thru her right now. She is confused, hurt and she probably loves you so much that she doesn't want your relationship to end. She needs time to think and figure things out, time to clear her mind. Give her some space and don't force anything. Remember that you did this to her and now you shouldn't expect anything anytime soon.
I am sorry that you are in this situation and maybe next time you should think about what happens to the people you love when you don't think before you do something.
Also if this other person is still on your mind, you probably aren't meant to be in this relationship. Give your current girlfriend time to figure things out and then talk to her about it. Maybe you will both realize you need to see other people right now. If you are both meant to be together it will happen later on. Good Luck!
2007-11-28 01:45:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you, like, 12 years old? Relationship vs sex? Figure that out and you will be fine.
Sex wins? Dump the GF, jump the floozy and try not to get into another serious relationship. Let the weasel run free.
Relationship wins? Dump them both. No, seriously! You will never have your GF's trust and because you have not told her the full details, she obviously does not have yours. Don't let it die a horrible death, kill it NOW! The floozy is a bad choice for relationships for obvious reasons... unless you didn't tell her you had a GF! But in that case, you will always have that secret hanging over you which means that your relationship is doomed from the start!
Me, I'd go with sex. Pump as many coochies as you can until it falls off. Then you have a clear choice.
Either way... sucks to be you.
2007-11-28 01:47:06 · answer #7 · answered by the_mint_sux 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should take a break from one another. You're still fantasying about the other person and she's still hurt. It doesn't sound as if she's truly moved on to forgiving you. Separating may make both of you realize what is important to you in a relationship. Part of a relationship is about feeling equal and right now the scales seemed to be tipped. I hope things turn out well for you.
2007-11-28 01:39:01 · answer #8 · answered by Yuki 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a cheat! You are the hurtful one here. You cannot expect her to get over easily such a breach of trust which will not be forgotten. You could try joint counseling, but I don't know if it will work with you as "you kinda want to" and are willing to take a break. You have revealed a character flaw in yourself which you ought to take a look at. You sound sorry that she found out. Your girlfriend of 5 years may well be better off without you!!
2007-11-28 01:40:04 · answer #9 · answered by DrB 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
dont talk to the other person and it is going to take alot of time for her to stop feeling the way she does and a break is when the people break up but not completely just a break from each other and not let anyone come in between u 2 because u wre trying to work things out y did u cheat on her in the first place its wrong and girls get hurt worse because our emotions are worse
2007-11-28 01:35:23 · answer #10 · answered by crystal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to the point that you are actually attracted to another man/women and actually you did it-cheated, while you are with someone, and for 5 years, it means that a long time before this thing happened, it was over with your relationship.
She will be hurt forever, it will never stop.
Don't wait any more, especially if you think of another person, don't lie to yourself and your girlfriend because it will hurt even more.
Next time BRAKE UP BEFORE YOU HURT someone like that. Try to get to know yourself better!
2007-11-28 01:39:41 · answer #11 · answered by mima 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋