Stay At Home Mums?? (especially those who worked before they had their kids)?

Question

Did you find the transition hard??
I am contemplating taking an extended leave of absence from my workplace (for 2 years) and becoming a full time Stay at home mum. I have 2yo twin boys and am 16 weeks pregnant.
I am having mixed feeling about it. I always enjoy going to work and also enjoy time with my boys. I guess it is my break time.

Anyone had these feeling??
Did anyone regret their decision??
Any help would be good.

Answer 1

I have found a really good balance. I work part time and I stay home part time. I love my kids but I also really enjoy working.

I really do think that my at-home days are harder sometimes than my work days. You are absolutely right, at home there are no breaks. It is 24-7. For me the hardest part of being at home is the noise. That and never having the time to actually finish anything. Everything gets done in fifteen minute increments. I am lucky that I joined the MOMS club and found some great activities and events to get out and chat with other people in the same situation.

It is a very strange feeling however to be at home after having a thriving career. Society does marginalize your choice.

I don't think anyone ever really regrets the time the get to spend with their children. But I work with a lot of women who are trying to get back into the job market after a break and it is really hard. You do lose ground. I told my husband that I am sacrificing my career (and body and sanity) to have and raise our children so if he ever get the urge to trade me in for a younger model - I will KILL him.

Staying at home only works if your whole support system in on board. Also be prepared, your working mom friends will be the ones who are the meanest to you about your choice.

I have never heard anyone regret the decision. Good Luck!

Answer 2

I was raised in the 50's-60's in the 'traditional' way with the authoritarian father and more submissive mother and that's the only way I knew. I too used to think mothers should stay at home but I now think that is not necessarily so. It has to be choice and what suits individual families...as you know, not all 'traditional' family units were perfect and many were dysfunctional behind closed doors (my father beat my mother regularly although outwardly we were the typical middle-class family). My own marriage broke up when my children were small (although we eventually reconciled a few years later) and I chose to work rather than rely on benefits...that was my choice, I wouldn't judge anyone who chose differently. Their father was always fully involved in their upbringing and I was also fortunate to have a mother and parents in-law who took care of my children while I worked so they were only ever with family. During my 'off-duty' time, I made sure they got all the attention they needed. They are now happy, successful young adults and we get along very well. They have always said they did not feel deprived in any way by my working and that as far as they were concerned it was normal anyway...all of their friends had working mothers. My children were always well mannered, well behaved and well adjusted with good morals and values....I have known children with 'stay-at-home' mums who are little thugs. I guess what I am saying is that I think working mums are not the root of all evil, and that there are good and bad parents regardless of employment status.

Answer 3

The transition was more weird than it was hard. It just felt "wrong" not to get up and go to work at first. But I've been home for six years now and no, I don't regret it a bit. The one thing that has made it good is that I joined a MOMS club group. That gave me friends and things to do besides just go to the park. When we moved from South Carolina to Virginia, finding the local group really helped me feel less like a stranger and an actual resident.

I actually have very mixed feelings about going back to work someday. On the one hand, sometimes I look at my neighbor getting in her car to go to work and think "I want a job." But most of the time, I feel I am so overwhelmed here at home I just don't know how I'd manage a job and the house. So, since what I really want to do is be a writer, I am now trying to pursue that so I don't have to get a job someday.

Answer 4

I think the hardest thing about the transition (which I don't regret for a second) is that staying at home makes it trickier to have adult conversations in a day or any alone time whatsoever (even in the bathroom!). When I just had one, my husband would take the kids one evening a week so I could get some extra sleep, go out with friends, go to the bookstore, or whatever. That helped a lot. (Somehow now that I have 4 I get out more like once a month, but oh well). Consider joining a mom's group or book group or anything that will help you keep in touch with grownups.

Answer 5

Hi... you will be very busy (and probably tired!) if you stay home with the kids, and i don't really think you are going to have a lot of time to regret your decision, or worry about the transition. It's a full time job with just those 2 year old twins!

Follow your heart and do what you want to do and what you feel is best for the family right now. that's my best advice!

and if you have any spare time what so ever, there are so many hobbies out there -- scrapbooking, card making, etc... lots to keep you occupied...

take care!! and all the best with the new baby

Answer 6

I am so happy I made the transition 5years ago. I will not be going back to work until my 2year old turns 5 or six. I feel great knowing that I have control of what my children are exposed to. I don't allow tv viewing during the week and it is alot harder because You are dealing with them when they have conflict or they want to play with you. Its great that I can stop what I am doing and play with them and interact with them in every way to help them grow and learn. I cant immagine having someone else raise my child. I am pretty particular at how I discipline ( I don't use fear based discipline) and how I praise them. I believe tv is bad for childrens brain development and I have known of caregivers who turn on the tv so children can just sit there and stay quiet. I always believed and planned on staying home when I have children (at least for the first 5 year which are the important ones). Its not easy I have to tell you, but I rather stay home than work and have to come home to a messy home and still have to clean and cook and take care of the family. I would find that much stressful for my children and my self. Good luck in deciding....Remember your children are only little one time.

Answer 7

I was not a stay at home mum which in some ways I regret. The decision was not really mine as my partner left when I was 7 months pregnant so I really didn't have much choice. I enjoyed going to work everyday and was very lucky that I worked hours that didn't take me away from my son for too long. Also I managed to be able to take rdos when there was something special on a school. I admire you for making this decision. I think you will love it. You are going to be a busy girl and what fun you are going to have. Good luck,

Answer 8

I left working in an office and started working from home when I had my daughter. When she was not quite two I took a part-time job (3 days a week). I'm now 19 weeks pregnant and looking for work I can do from home full-time. I love being at home. I won't miss working in an office at all. I'm never bored because I work from home although I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home mom but we need the extra income. I'm looking forward to being at home all the time so I can spend more quality time with my daughter and help her get involved in some activities at the Rec Center and maybe do playgroups as well as preparing for the arrival of our son in April. Enjoy your time off and don't get stuck in a rut, look for new adventures (zoos can be inexpensive and fun) and the park is always great (in good weather of course). Good luck!

Answer 9

No, I didn't find the transition hard at all. I really didn't expect to stay home longer than a year, but once I was a SAHM for several months, I knew that I just couldn't go back to work and leave my son with a stranger to raise.
Look, you're going to have a LOT on your plate with three kids under 3. You NEED to be at home with them, if at all possible.
Raise them first, THEN have a break!
Lotsa luck, and happy gestation!

Answer 10

The hardest thing about the transition was getting a routine in place with the baby and rebuilding my social life. After finding a moms' & kids' club both became much easier.

I left my job at the perfect time, just before I got really sick of it and just after dealing with a heap of on the job stress. Staying at home was a welcome change. The only things I miss about working are the nice clothes and the money. Otherwise I'm perfectly happy to remain a SAHM.

Best of luck to you & your family!