My 4 year old daughter will not go to bed?

Question

It doesnt matter if we wake her up at 7, 6, or 5am, she will not go to bed until midnight or upto 5 hours later! She does not take naps, she isnt hyper active, we lay with her, read her stories, and play what she wants. This has been going on for a year now, I've tried a strict regiment, which leads to her throwing fits and cryin till 2am, tried being compassionate which leads to the same. (I have had severe insomnia since i was 7 or 8, now 27) We have changed her diet, tv/cartoon allowance, and several bedtime proceedures. My wife and are close to our wits end, short of beating her or tying her to the bed we have run out of options!! She is really quite smart for her age( i know every parent thinks so) but for the first 3 years of her life she had no interaction with anyone other than adults and has quite the vocabulary and social skills and attitude of that, and i dont know if that is the cause or if it is because of my chronic insomnia. Any ideas or experience would be help

Answer 1

If all else fails.

My children slept beautifully from the day they came home
from hospital. However, at about your daughter's age
my two girls (a year between their ages) suddenly got the
idea that they wanted to stay up late.

I tried what's known as 'sleep hygiene' which is establishing a few routine cues that are supposed to signal that sleep is imminent.

As good as that all seemed and is, for many youngsters, it didn't work and my girls were wanting to sleep later in the mornings.

So, I asked them if they wanted to stay up very late and they gave an enthusiastic affirmative.

I said that I would allow them to choose their own bedtime if they could stay up all night with me and watch movies.

They thought this was great.

I let them choose a heap of videos and we settled in for a night at the movies.

I knew that I would last ok because, like you, I often stay up late (though I don't have insomnia).

As they drifted off to sleep I'd gently shake them awake and say, "Watch this!! watch this! You're missing it!!"

I kept that up all night and into the morning, when they gratefully flopped into bed.

Since that time they won't stay up EVER - they are so glad to get to bed. They're now in their 20s and laugh about that night - but they STILL head off to bed at around 9.00 pm.

Sometimes, when all else fails, give the people what they want - and rather too much of what they think they want.

There are lots of good (gentle; creative) suggestions that have been made on the board already. By all means try them, but in the end, if they are not successful - behave in an unexpected way. This strategy might work for your little one.

It worked for mine :)

Good luck with it.

Answer 2

Just patience man. Don't hit her at all, that should never be an option for any child's behavior. You have to keep putting her back into her bed without saying a word. No concessions, no threats, just keep physically putting her in her bed until she gets it that bedtime means bedtime. She'll fight you for a good hour or two, but eventually will fall asleep from exhaustion. In the morning explain rationally that she has to start going to bed like a good girl or she'll lose priveledges. make sure she knows exactly what she'll lose if she acts up at bedtime again. next night repeat the process. On the first time tell her to go to bed, put her in the bed, lights out. Second time, warn her she'll lose her priveledge. Third time tell her she has lost it. Fourth and after, no words. just keep putting her back into her bed. Next day, keep you're word and take away her priveledge. Explain why you're doing that. It's all about patience and explaining everything as clearly as possible. Raising kids is hard. Losing your temper and hitting them is easy. The harder choice is always the right one. Read "For Your Own Good," by Alice Miller. It will shed light on corporal punishment. Be patient and rational. That's how you want to be dealt with, that's how you want her to be dealt with for the rest of her life, so start it now. All actions have consequences. Explain them, be firm, and be patient. She'll learn. feeding into her attitude with concessions and platitudes, you'll make it worse. Explain the consequences, warn when she's about to cross the line, let her know she crossed it and what the consequence is, and then end the conversation. Tantrums end when you stop feeding the flames with threats, and bargaining. Be silent and firm. She'll see she's not getting anywhere, and give up. It will take time, but it's much better than the alternative.

Answer 3

i had the same problem with my 4yr old daughter (still do sometimes)
I found that watching her very closely was the key to find out when she was tired, say she would yarn or rub her eyes for a second thats the best time to catch them cos if they get over tired you have had it.

Also a lot of people think if a child naps they are less likely to sleep at night this is not true! so if she looks tired atlunch let her nap for 30 mins maybe an hour.
My daughter still isnt perfect but she is getting there,

Answer 4

4 year daughter bed

Answer 5

1. Choose a routine that works for you and do not change it again.
2. Put her to bed at your chosen time.
3. If she gets up (and she will) don't talk to her or read to her or play with her. Just take her straight back to bed.
4. Do this every single time.
5. Eventually she will fall asleep and get the message that bedtime means bedtime.

Answer 6

She's 4 and she controls you already. You have 16 years of hell to look forward to.

Our bedtime strategy began the first day home from the hospital. Dark time meant sleep time. At bedtime we closed the 'blackout' curtains over the 'blackout' shade to keep the room very dark. If our child cried, we would check their diaper and offer food, but they did not leave their room. If not dirty and not hungry, we let them cry. It took 3 or 4 days for the newborn to accept that night time means sleep time.

We chose what others call 'cruel' because we both worked in hospitals and observed that the bored 3rd shift nurses would take every opportunity to hold and play with the newborns. These kids didn't know what night was! Anytime they awoke, they had a willing playmate. Perhaps you have continued that function for the last 4 years. If so, it will be very difficult to change her, but I recommend starting today.

Answer 7

Yes, stop reading to her for long periods of time, laying with her, and generally pampering her at bedtime.. it's ok to read a story or sit and talk to her for a few minutes, but she needs a bedtime... she's playing you.. and disrupting your evenings/nights... because you allow it.

Put her to bed at the same time every night... and make her stay there... if she cries every night for a week straight, it won't kill her.. she will soon learn that bedtime is bedtime...

Answer 8

ask her if there is anything that scars her like ghosts boggy monsters etc aND if so put glitter and water in a spray bottle and spray it in her room before bed and say that the monster or what ever is gone and it mite take some time so be parent and the 1st time she gets out of bed say it bed time love the 2nd time say its bed time 3rd time + don't say anything and she will go to bed i will take a wile but each night it will tack less time to get her into bed just be patient

and the link below will take you to a site bout this Lady in the UK that helps parents with Miss-behaving children and has made a parent help site
and if she has no fears just do 1st time she gets out of bed say it bed time love the 2nd time say its bed time 3rd time + don't say anything

Answer 9

it sounds like you are doing everything right, perhaps you need professional help now?

my godson was a very clever little boy and although he went to bed fine, he woke far too early. His parents eventually accepted that but insisted that he stayed in his room and played quietly with books, jigsaws etc until it was an acceptable time to wake them.

some kids just need more sleep than others i suppose, but if it is affecting your sleep, you need to do something about it.


just read pandora's message - sounds fantastic. might try that one day!

Answer 10

i know you said you have tried being strict but you need to keep at the same strict routine every night ,bath time , story time, bed
in that order she needs time to unwind playing with her wont help you need to stick with it it may take a week or two but be patient it will be well Worth it in the end .