He has been with her for almost two years and she uses him for money and food and booze. She is rude to me and my sisters, but my dad won't believe us! He's done a complete 180. What can I do to gently tell him we want nothing to do with her?
2007-11-27 18:32:17 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tape her being rotten to you, then he'll believe it. If you're an adult just tell him you can't stand her and feel she is taking advantage of him. He could end up resenting it and you could end up on the 'outs' with dad. Weigh your options and the outcome. If you're risking pushing dad away then you might just have to tolerate the 'mad cow'.
Set up boundaries and enforce them so she's not mistreating you. If she's mistreating dad there's not a whole lot you can do. He is an adult and that's on him if he lets her do that. Best of luck!
2007-11-27 18:37:54 · answer #1 · answered by MISS H 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless your dad is really feeble....I think you should give him some credit for being able to:
1) judge a person's qualities (he picked your mom, right?) and
2) for knowing how (after 2 years) a person is "using" him.
,
You call this woman a "cow" and claim that she uses him for money and food and booze...yet you complain she is rude to you? Maybe she is rude to you because you are rude to her and have been for 2 years?
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You claim your dad can't tell that his girlfriend has only hung around him the last two years for money, food & booze, etc... yet you wonder why he has done a 180, won't listen to you? Tell you what. When you have a boyfriend and your dad tells you the guy is only interested in you for your lunch money so he can buy drugs, and you know better...let's see how much you listen to your dad every time he starts to rag on your bf.
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Just between you & me...if this is how you & your sisters feel about your dad & his girlfriend...you don't need to "gently" tell them a thing. My quess is that they BOTH already know how you feel. Believe me...They've been watching and listening to you for the past two years.
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You know, everyone "uses" the people they have relationships with, that's the point of having relationships. We seek what we need to be happy from others, the things that we can not supply for ourselves.
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The people in a relationship are usually the only ones who really know what's being given and taken between them.
Out-siders can only guess... based on what they see or hear or think. Out-siders should never assume that what they see & hear & think is all there is to know.
2007-11-27 19:48:24 · answer #2 · answered by Kaye 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's no gentle way about it.
Write down specific things she's done to you and your sisters , what she did and when she did it and after you've done that ask your Dad to sit with you and your sisters alone and go over your list with him. If he still refuses to listen, let him know that while he's an adult and he can date who he chooses you would rather not have a relationship with her.
As far as her using him for money, food and booze, as long as he's providing for you and your sisters, it's his money to do with as he pleases even if you think he's making wrong choices. But there is no reason you should have to put up with rudeness and abuse. Even though she's an adult and your father's girlfriend, she's a guest in your home and should give you proper respect.
2007-11-27 18:42:51 · answer #3 · answered by Roger 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ooh this is a tough one. I am in a similar situation w/ my brother and his girlfriend (cow).. Well, first of all, you have every right to b upset. This woman should be nice and respectful to you guys.. In fact, she should be kissin your feet.. b/c this is ur dad and you are his family. Anyway, If it's really bothering you.. Just have a relaxed talk with your dad. Important: KEEP IT ALL POSITIVE! and do not allow urself to namecall.. Just say " Dad, I love you and I truly want the best for you.. I just hope that "cow" is right for you..and treats u well. I'd like to get to know her better... and that kinda worries me. But maybe we can hang out more during the Holidays...I just want the best for you dad b/c you are my family and you deserve a woman that will love you and all of us....."
Say something like that at first... There is no where cow can go with that! A little reverse psychology.. Usually time tells all! If she is terrible, it will start to show and ur dad will see eventually. Be patient!! Good Luck
2007-11-27 18:44:47 · answer #4 · answered by LJ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hey I'm sorry to put it like this but this is going to be a hard thing to do. It sounds crazy to say because he is your dad but sometimes when a person really loves someone they can't see through to the truth even when its in front of there face. The only thing i can't think of is to sit down with your dad(alone) and try to tell him how you feel about things. If you can get your sisters to be with you too, maybe that will help him realize that this isn't just you thinking this.Good luck
2007-11-27 18:42:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He chose her, and i'm sure he knows she is using him in some ways.... he might be desparate or needy and doesn't want to be 'alone'... some people can't be content in their own company and have to have someone around... this is not the way i operate, but i have observed this behavior many times (and wondered about it).
You and your sisters don't have to pay attention to her when she's rude.. don't react if you can help it.. just go about your business.
Hopefully one day you father will see her for what she is.. until then, you can't control him or his decision to stay with her....
You can tell your father how you feel -- uncomfortable, and as if she's using him... otherwise, not much you can do, and it's not worth an argument.
2007-11-27 18:48:48 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Is she a cow because of weight or because of the money issue?
I don't know if you should try and get in the way. It would be a rude awakening if he takes her side over your's. That's what my mom did. I complained about my stepdad, and she totally took his side and I felt like I didn't have anyone I could trust.
2007-11-27 18:38:10 · answer #7 · answered by perfectlybaked 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ummm if i have been you i could like get your buffaloe acquaintances to trample throughout your father to the floor, so he's on his decrease back. Thenn run away along with your cow lover and make confident no individual helps him up.. then be wedded without your fathers consent. chuffed DAYS (L)
2016-10-25 03:51:09 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny you should mention that, I was in the same sort of boat with my dad when I was about fifteen. The only way to go about it is to take him aside and explain the situation straight from your heart, yelling doesn't help, getting mad just makes them stop listening, just ask him to talk alone for a little while and tell him how you feel. He doesn't have to stop dating her just cause you don't like her, but perhaps he could arrange to see her only when you're not around? hope this helped.
2007-11-27 18:36:27 · answer #9 · answered by breathe___x 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ah, the cinderella story, you poor things.
There is nothing you can do to change your Dad's opinion of his girlfriend. The phrase "love is blind" wasn't coined because it isn't true.
Something, eventually, about her behavior will eventually open his eyes, but in the meantime, try not to turn your father against you by trying to force him to see sense. He will just think you are being jealous and trying to get him to yourselves again.
If you are old enough, you can always move out. Is your mother still around? If so, can't you go to live with her until things sort themselves out?
2007-11-27 18:38:17 · answer #10 · answered by JA12 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋