My family is worried about my 11 year old sister. At home, she will never volunteer to help (we have a big family, 4 kids, 1 is 15, she's 11, twins which are 4) or help when we ask her (sometimes she'll just say "NO" and storm off), she says hateful and rude things for no reason, complains a lot, hides up in her room with her iPod or computer all the time, her moods are VERY touchy and often unreasonable, and she seems to have absolutely no empathy for anyone in our family.
However, at school her teachers rave about her. They say she's very smart, helpful, friendly, kind, and a great leader. She has lots of friends. (She does tend to be very over dramatic though, and seems to think she's much much older than she really is.)
We can't figure it out! We have a good family. Nothing has worked to change her home attitude. Could she have some type of disorder? Help!!!
2007-11-27 18:20:10 · 7 answers · asked by doodle 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
It doesn't matter if she 'volunteers' to help, she should have chores to do, as should all the children. Even the four-year-olds can help set the table or put away their toys. When she does her chores, fine. If she doesn't, or if she talks back or is rude, there should be penalties for that. She should know in advance what the penalties are. For example, if she talks back, she loses her iPod for one day. If she does it for three days in a row, the computer is moved to the living room (that's a good idea anyway, so you can see what she is doing at all times -- there are a lot of predators out there). If she talks back after this, then she loses Internet privileges for a day, and so forth. She should know the penalties in advance, and you should be reasonable about enforcing them. IPods and computers are a privilege, not a right. As to her problems, it's possible that she's a sociopath if she has no empathy for others (a lot of them are charming and smart), or she could be narcissistic, or she could just be having the normal 11-year-old hormonal surges. However, the parents in this situation could benefit from parenting classes, as they need to set boundaries of what is acceptable. If they don't, she will only get worse, and quickly, too. If your parents won't do anything, the most you can do is ignore her when she's mean, and be kind to her when she's being good, so she will get positive attention when she deserves it and NO ATTENTION otherwise. If she's dramatic, she thrives on any attention, good or otherwise.
2007-11-27 18:40:37 · answer #1 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's definitely possible she has some sort of disorder....unfortunately, mental illness is more prominent than ever....sounds like a type of mood disorder. I'm no professional but I have suffered from deep depression on and off for the past 10 years, also anxiety and some obsessive compulsive thinking....it sux for sure. Definitely try to get her some counseling....yet try to be understanding and let her know that you love her no matter what. Don't expect her to open up to the family.....she may be afraid to let you all know what's really going on with her......counseling can help with this and may even bring her out of her shell. I do recommend that most medications for treating a mental illness be avoided....they're hard to stop and should be last resort only.....I'm there now....and I've been through hell and back with them....Good luck with her, and YAY, she's doing good in school, VERY IMPORTANT!
2007-11-28 02:31:27 · answer #2 · answered by kdragon_24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she DOES NOT have add if she is working on her computer and lsitening to her ipod. Generally young people find it hard to concentrate on anything if they have add. it may be that she is a normal young girl who is unhappy and wishes for a more glamerous life or there could be something else. has this behaviour occurred suddenly because if she has mood swings and is very upset maybe you could try talking to her - is there a chance she could be sexually abused by someone - a trusted friend and is frightened to tell. Think about it is there someone who maybe frightening her? It may not be anything but if someone changes and is hostile and hides, yells and wont communicate "all of a sudden" it may mean something serious - befriend her, talk to her and find out what the issues are for her. don't gang up on her but really try talking to her.
2007-11-28 02:34:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is yes she COULD have a mental disorder, but she is an eleven year old girl who has her own adult sized problems and concerns which will be made even worse with stabilising levels of hormones. She could have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, she could be depressed, but most likely is she is just becoming an adolescent.
Give her time to adjust or if you are seriously worried ask to arrange for a counsellor to visit to assess her. Not in a psychiatric way but maybe in a way that allows her to express whatever may be causing her to act that way.
2007-11-28 02:27:47 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds more like a discipline problem. If she doesn't want to help out around the house, punish her, start by taking away her ipod and then her computer. Start giving her responsibilities, and punish her when she fails to fulfill those responsibilities, like cleaning off the table after dinner, putting way dishes. Explain that everyone has their roles in contributing to the family, and that failure to complete assigned tasks will result in loss of such privileges.
2007-11-28 02:41:49 · answer #5 · answered by poet1b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think yes. I went through something similar when I was in high school and now that I look back, when I wasn't at home I just put on this front the life was absoutely fabulous, but at home that wasn't the case and I acted out and said terrible things to my family and was increidbly irritable, but I can look back and see it as my way of wanting help. I say take her to a psychiatrist/therapist/psychologist.
2007-11-28 02:46:48 · answer #6 · answered by MeganAnn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she needs a good whoop in the butt. Take away all her electronics. Ipod. Computer. TV. Videos. Movies. Everything. Throw 'em in a box and lock them up. LITERALLY lock them up. My father set me straight by putting all my stuff in a metal box with a padlock on it. When I "earned" something, HE would get it out and give it to me.
That'll set her straight. She sounds like a brat to me.
2007-11-28 02:32:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋