Okay, this question is not for my relationship, but for a dear friend who I am supporting as he goes about trying to break up with someone. Here's the story:
He was married for more than ten years, and he and his wife were separated for the last three years of their marriage. She was really hard on him and pretty much destroyed his self-esteem. He wanted to try counseling, but she was unwilling to own up to her junk (and still won't), so the marriage tanked. He tried really hard to save things, and it just didn't work.
After the divorce, he met a girl and they hit it off really well. For a few months they were inseparable and they decided they would get married. They decided to take things slowly because they have to deal with his ex and the head games she plays with both him and their child. Now it turns out the new girlfriend has some really serious issues, is not willing to own them or work on them, and it just isn't going to work.
2007-11-27 17:52:08 · 6 answers · asked by Bronwen 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The new girl is really fragile and prone to serious emotional imbalances. He's trying to be gentle with her while still getting the message across that it just isn't going to work. Every time he tries to talk to her about it, she either goes into crisis mode and threatens suicide, or she changes the subject to some other area of her life which is in crisis.
He has discovered that she has a lot of the same issues his ex had, and he just cannot go through that ringer again. He's exhausted from trying to help the current girl, and he wants out, but he wants to be gentle about it. He's afraid she'll do something stupid like attempt suicide, and blame him.
How should he approach this? How does he make the final break without sending her over the edge? And what do I do to support him while he's going through this miserable experience?
All advice is appreciated.
Thanks ;(
2007-11-27 17:56:58 · update #1
He needs to stop it and be firm about it. It will be hard for him to tell her with confidence that its over, but it is the only way. I think it is impossible to break up gently - some negative feelings will always be there on both sides. He should realize that. This is life and it is never gentle.
As for her suicidal threats, if he really cares about her, he should report her to a psychologist, police, I'm not exactly sure to whom, but I bet you can easily google that and find out. She is threatening her life, and threatening him too. That needs to be dealt with.
Also as someone already said he should figure out why he is always initially attracted to women like his two last ones. That will greatly help him in future in avoiding hysterical/suicidal women.
2007-11-27 18:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by Proggram 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sure don't make it easy..and either do they themselves..could it be like a repeat of two peas in the pod? From my experience,threatening suicide and actually doing it are two different things..but,of course, you cannot be sure..This is his Catch-22..it could be he has taken on all the guilt of both parties and it's tearing him inside..he needs time to think..away from the web..I would see his daughter and tell her I will be back very soon...and alert the appropriate authorities..to discuss his position and alert them to the possible consequences of his new girls' intentions..emotional blackmail is an old 'trick'..I would split for the country and live under the stars and ponder his future..without the physic 'tug o war' that clouds his vision..wisdom through inner strength.Peace.Kit.
2007-11-27 18:24:07 · answer #2 · answered by kit walker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He says, "I'm sorry, this relationship isn't working. I think you're a good person, and you should find someone else who is better for you, and that is not going to be me. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sorry for any pain this will cause you."
Then, he stops dating until he figures out why he keeps attracting the same type of woman who has problems and won't work on them. Read "Are You the One for Me?" by Barbara DeAngelis for more help.
2007-11-27 17:56:49 · answer #3 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has taken him hostage in the relationship. He needs to speak with her and a friend or counselor.
This is not cool or fair behavior on her part though I am sure she feels justified in her fear driven actions. He is her relationship hostage and if he wants to be happy he needs to let her go and know you are not responsible for her actions. You might speak with her parents before doing it so they know what she is going through. This crises driven life seems normal to her but she does not get that she creates it through her fear. I have been the hostage before and it is not a place for the weak, but we have to walk await or hold their hand while they are learning-if they are willing.
2007-11-27 18:03:47 · answer #4 · answered by Bc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all he needs to get his **** into gear for himself. Why are you asking for him? Everyone has issues of some sort, by the way. we all carry baggage.
He has to want to get up and leave and for all you know he may just be telling you all is gloom and doom when really its not as bad as he makes out and all he is after is a bit of sympathy from you and has no intent of leaving.
Lets say it is as bad as you say it is - he has to tell his other half he wants out. They have to make satisfactory arrangements for the day to day parenting of the child and access thereof.
It may be that there are issues regarding custody. They will most likely have to get lawyers involved.
It is over to your friend to make these decisions for himself.
2007-11-27 18:01:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
JUST SAY IT
2007-11-27 17:59:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋