Can't have sex... advice?

Question

I am almost twenty and I haven't had sex, the reason for this is mainly because I am overweight and I am worried I don't look "normal" or "attractive" naked, another worry is constantly that guys don't know how wreched I look naked. I feel terrible about myself, does anyone have some advice? It's starting to get in the way of my relationships...

I am almost twenty and I haven't had sex, the reason for this is mainly because I am overweight and I am worried I don't look "normal" or "attractive" naked, another worry is constantly that guys don't know how wreched I look naked. I feel terrible about myself, does anyone have some advice? It's starting to get in the way of my relationships...

I guess I should've added that Im not really hideous, I did some work as a plus size model but never for anything revealing

PS: your comments so far have been wonderful.

Answer 1

i heared that most guys likes overweight girls in sex relationship..... i have overweight friend and shes sooo pretty and guys loves to have sex with her guys dont care how overweight girls looks do it wiht someone u really trust good luck

Answer 2

I too am overweight but I don't think it has anything to do with how you look... it might be that you haven't truly found the one you feel most comfortable with... You should just try to be yourself... you don't act like your weight is a problem then they won't have a problem with it either if they care about you...
I don't know... I guess if you feel that your weight is really getting in the way of your relationships and it's a bother, do something about it! You can become more active and maybe start to feel better about yourself...

It sounds to me that you have a lack of self-esteem.... Once you feel good about YOURSELF and LOVE yourself everything will fall into place....

&&What's wrong with waiting for sex... maybe you haven't had sex yet because inside you aren't ready... you're hearts might not be there yet... Take pride in being a virgin...it's something great and you should be proud. You say "i am almost twenty and I haven't had sex..." like it's a bad thing. It's not! Change your attitude, reinvent yourself... go on a shopping spree and buy some new outfits that hug all your curves and make you proud to be a big woman! It's not all bad... you might even find that some men REALLY like that!

Answer 3

You don't say whether or no you 'orgasmed' at this moment, rather than leaving it to the untutored imagination that 'something' in you had been punctured! If you 'orgasmed' at this time, then it is likely that you simply 'ejaculated' a fluid that (seemingly) the majority of women are not capable of doing, making you what is colloquially known as' (or, in 'slang' terms as) 'Squirter'. Alternatively, you might just be one of those who 'ejaculates' or orgasm some of the natural lubricant that the vagina secretes (it depends on the quantity and the viscous quality ~ without the benefit of examining your self or the fluid itself). I think that you have little to actually 'worry' about, but if you are at all worried, then you should (why have you not already?) talk with a Doctor or a Practice Nurse or some other Medical (Obs / Gynea) Professional. Sash.

Answer 4

First and foremost you need to gain a little self confidence. If a guy thinks that you are pretty and compliments you, don't brush it off, accept it! Most guys do not honestly compliment a girl and not mean it (nice **** does not count). Second of all, if you feel so insecure about your body, take steps to improve yourself or the way you feel about yourself. The best way I have found to do this is by going to the gym. I am not even saying go running or anything. Just go walking for 30 minutes. By getting your body moving, you will feel more confident, it helps your metabolism, helps you lose weight, and makes you happy because of endorphins. Thirdly, I don't think I know of one girl that is totally satisfied with the way she looks. A lot of the time the "flaws" we see are things that other people don't notice at all. I think I have love handles. My boyfriend says otherwise... Just because you might think you look "wretched" when you are naked doesn't mean a guy will. If he honestly loves you and wants to be with you, he's not going to be turned away by the sight of you naked. If he is, believe me, you don't want be with him anyway.

Also, don't worry about sex. Being a virgin at 20 isn't a bad thing. I'm 21 and a half and still a virgin. It's not that I haven't had the opportunity, but I'm keeping it til marriage. Genuine guys will respect the fact that you are a virgin and embrace it. Some think it's cool. But seriously, save it for the right person. You don't have to wait til marriage, but don't just give it away if you get the opportunity. But don't fret about being a virgin, it's seriously not a big deal from what I've found. Atleast not to guys that are actually worth anything...

But more than anything, try to be confident. Confidence is the most attractive thing when it comes to dating. If you are insecure, guys see that. But by loving yourself because you are the way you are is something very few people are capable of doing, but everyone loves seeing.

Answer 5

If your extra weight is really causing you that much unhappyness I suggest you take steps to reduce it. Start eating well balanced meals and walking 30-60 minuets a day.
All people look normal naked, there are different shapes and sizes of people but in the end it doesn't really make any difference.
I'm an artist so I draw nude models 6-9 hours a week for the last 3 years, There's nothing gross about the human body. Some of my favorite models are larger because they're so fun to draw.
Really there are 2 choices, learn to like yourself just the way you are, or change the way you look.

Answer 6

If you are overweight, you don't have to be naked to tell. It took me a while to feel comfortable with my body and always had sex in the dark, but when I met my husband, I knew he didn't care about how my body didn't look like a porn star or even just skinny. And actually I still prefer to have only a dim light on, us girls look better in low lighting:) Use your curves to your advantage, get your hair and makeup done, buy a new outfit and get your confidence up. If you are having sex with someone who really connects with you, I don't think he will think having sex is just terrible because you aren't a model. You might even just tell him how you feel that you are nervous because you don't look like a superstar and see what he says. Everyone is beautiful in there own way and confidence definitely is a sexy characteristic. Oh yeah, you are only 19!! Hold out until you find someone who makes you feel beautiful before having sex and then you shouldn't have a problem.

Answer 7

Obviously (considering the number of overweight people there are today) many people in your situation find partners and have relationships. Your self-esteem is suffering because of your weight however, and really what you should consider is doing something about it. .
There are many excellent weight loss programs, and one with support groups, like Weight Watchers, might help you in developing motivation to succeed. The program really does provide incentive to lose weight with a reasonable diet and exercise. It focuses on slow weight loss and then teaches maintenance. There are many chapters in most cities. Visit a few until you find a "good fit". The program leaders are in many cases very knowledgeable and caring. You will see other people that were in the same position that you are and learn from them how to reach your goal.
I know a lot of people with a weight problem believe they can't lose, or say they have tried and it didn't work...I did the same thing. But if you really stick to it, it can't help but work.
Good Luck.

Answer 8

Build up some self-esteem first. Work on gettin' that feeling that hey, maybe you can be attractive. If you are overweight, its time to get healthy hon! Eat right, exercise, be active physically and mentally! If all else fails, flare off some confidence--that's truly attractive to almost everyone!

It doesn't matter the age, when you're ready to dive in you'll know it. Seriously don't rush it, otherwise you're more than likely to have a bad first experience. Hope this helped!

Answer 9

I don't mean to sound harsh but perhaps you need to hear this...PUT DOWN THE FORK!

Before you sit there and you're mad at what I'm saying, take it from someone who had some extra pounds and decided to lose them.

Sit back and think about what you put in your body throughout the day. Is it crappy unhealthy food? If so, stop. Or at least start exercising.

You cannot use the excuse that your parents are heavy or its genetic, etc. Its simple math, if you expend more calories than you take it, you will lose weight. Its simple math.

Why would a guy want to have sex with a girl that can't see her feet due to a huge belly.

Now for all I know you look amazing and you are concerned about 10 extra pounds....but I am going on the assumption that you are a porker.

If you looked at a big fat guy and then a lean guy, who would you want to have sex with? Same goes with guys.

I know it sounds shallow and horrible, but its human nature, or at least in this day and age outer beauty is unfortunately.

There are plenty of beautiful people that I wouldn't want to have sex with due to their lack of personality or intelligence, etc.

Wreched? Is is that bad? Being a guy, we don't really take into consideration little flaws, we are just happy we are about to have sex.

But if you have a fat roll that gets lifted up and an Oreo falls out, then it's a problem.

Have respect for your body and for yourself. Without giving you a history lesson on me I was an athlete and I had 7% bodyfat for all of highschool and most of college. After I got out in the real world its much easier to grab a Big Mac and fries than it is to cook a chicken breast. Plus grease tastes AMAZING!

My self confidence sunk. If I could just get rid of this tire around my stomach more things would fall into place.

I don't know what you weigh but I would guess that if you go yourself to a healthy weight:
Your mood would improve
You would have more energy
You can buy clothes you can't fit into now
You'll see your feet
You'll have more self-confidence
You'll get laid.

I hear you loud and clear, it's easier said than done. My house is 1/4 of a mile from fast food heaven. McDonalds, Quiznos, Subway, Sonic, Burger King and Taco Bell.

Driving home is torture sometimes but I'm a fan of being able to see my penis when I look down.

Just remember this: Nothing tastes as good as being ripped feels.

Good luck

Answer 10

Honestly, I don't think most people look attractive naked. That's why there's sexy lingerie. When you see a photo of an attractive person naked, there are a few reasons for it looking "hot". First off, it's been air brushed to take out all blemishes. Second, they're placed in an attractive pose that will accent the positives in their appearance. Look at Marylin Monroe, I believe she was a size 14...

Also, if you're uncomfortable you can keep the lights off. When my wife and I were dating and we first started being intimate, she didn't want me to look at her when she was naked, she wanted the lights out, and she didn't like me to look at her.

Answer 11

Insecurities suck, but everyone has them. Before you can be comfortable with someone, you have to be comfortable with yourself. Either learn to love and accept yourself as you are or make the necessary changes to be happy with yourself. Also, don't assume that you have to have sex in order to be in a relationship. If someone really loves/cares for you, then they won't rush you. If they love/care for you then their feelings will not be affected by how you look naked. Don't feel pressure. Your virginity is yours and yours alone. It is your decision when you want to lose it. DO NOT let anyone pressure you. If they threaten to leave you b/c you aren't comfortable then they are not the guy for you. If you don't feel comfortable having sex, then it's not the right time.