My mom is trying to set me up with one of my stepdad's friends son since he's a pre med student and she thinks he's a better match for me then my current boyfriend but I love the guy I'm with now. Her main beef with him is that he had a gambling problem that I recently paid to get him out of and she's still mad about that one since he can't afford to pay me back and she thinks he's sick but he's not. He said he's stopped and I believe him so she should trust me too and not try to set me up with other guys. What is a nice way of telling her to back off?
2007-11-27 16:00:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your Mom loves you and wants what she perceives as best for you. That is probably not going to be the same as your perception. She's a Mom, give her a little slack.
Some suggestions, well, tell her that her behavior is hurting your feelings and that she taught you the golden rule when you were a child ( "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" at least mine did, so this would work for me) and that you'd like her to follow it. Ask her how she knows this guy is so great? Just because he's pre-med doesn't mean much, look what happened in "Dirty Dancing".
If you didn't want to be quite so nice, you could tell her that you'd like to make your own mistakes and give her an opportunity to tell you "I told you so" because Moms really seem to enjoy that. OR You could go out with the guy - once -- then tell your Mom you didn't click. OR You could tell her okay, fix us up and then not show for the date, or take your boyfriend along.
2007-11-27 16:18:06 · answer #1 · answered by Bonnie L 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you are right but so is your mother. I can also see where she is coming form. You didn't pay to get him out of his gambling problem you paid off a debt he owed someone and he was unable to be man enough to take care of it himself. If he is not gambling any more and he treats you good, he does not hit you, steal from you, take money from you, talk mean to you, then I say just tell your mom that you appreciate what she is doing but you are seeing this other guy now and you love him and have feelings for him. That you would like her to respect that and not try to set you up with someone. She should respect your wish. You also need to have a serious talk with this guy you are seeing and tell him you do not want him gambling anymore. He obviously can not afford it and you can not afford to keep paying off his debts he needs to act like a man and take responsibility for his own actions. You should not ever have to give him money for anything. If you do, then this is really not a good man and you should get out and away from him. Your mother has a right not to like this guy, to tell you the truth I don't think he sounds like much. But your the one dating him, and as long as he is good to you and honest with you and you love him and he loves you then go for it. Just explain to your mother that you care about him and that he treats you good and that you are not interested in anyone else. She will not like it but she should respect it. If this guy does this ever again I do strongly suggest leaving him. If not then I hope you both have a long and happy relationship. Good luck! =)
2007-11-27 16:17:34 · answer #2 · answered by Prof. Dave 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Amber,
I can't blame your mom for being concerned with your bf's gambling problem. She's your mom and yes, she's being a bit overbearing with you. I don't think she's got bad intentions though, she's just worried for you. You can let her know that you do appreciate her concern, but that you need to make your own decisions based on your own experiences. Tell her you love her and respect her and that if it turns out your current bf is a dud that she'll be the first one you run to for help. This should comfort her some bit. All in all, keep an eye out for your well-being. I wish you well.
2007-11-27 16:10:55 · answer #3 · answered by Tom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you must be really young and gullible if you believe he stopped gambling. But give it a year and you will see he does have a problem and you will feel used and mad and want more out of a relationship.
She is older and wiser and can see this guy is a LOSER. She wants more for you. Tell her you are happy with someone who is going no where fast and you are content being the only income in your relationship and to back off.
2007-11-27 16:05:12 · answer #4 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you knows she thinks she is doing the right thing and trying to help you, and that you appreciate how much she cares, but that you need to make your own decisions in life, even if it means making a mistake, and that you would really appreciate her supporting you even if she doesnt always agree.
that comes across as mature and sensible, if she doesnt get the message then dont worry about pleasing her, just get on with your life.
2007-11-27 16:10:13 · answer #5 · answered by zimba 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She knows what is better for you in the future, but in the present that is all it really matters, you know what is best, the problem is that whatever you do in the present will affect the future. Just remember that what you want now you will not like in the future and what you don't want now you will regret not having it in the future and when future comes is usually too late, but who cares, you are living today not tomorrow or maybe I'm wrong.
2007-11-27 16:06:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone with serious financial difficulties and a gambling addiction is going to make your life miserable. It doesn't matter how much you love him if he's going to wreck your finances. Your mother is concerned that you will run into difficulties later in life with this guy, and if you've already had to bail him out once it sounds like she has good reasons.
2007-11-27 16:06:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but your mother has your best interest! U have heard of sugar daddy's!
Well, u got him out and now he isn't going to pay u back! And the worst part is u think he is worth staying with? I'm afraid he is going to take u for all u are worth!
2007-11-27 16:07:42 · answer #8 · answered by firefighter3240 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
look she is your mom & hopefully you can tell her straight forward since she is being pretty selfish knowing all that & still trying to set you up with other guys.
2007-11-27 16:04:41 · answer #9 · answered by sO*happy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get on with God and ask him what you think you should do.
2007-11-27 16:03:42 · answer #10 · answered by charlene r 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋