Problems with family...I feel like I'm in the middle...?

Question

I have a younger brother and younger sister. I used to be very close to my sister (she is 23) but she is being quite selfish and I haven't been putting up with it as much.

I live with my fiance. My brother still lives at home. My sister lives with her boyfriend. My brother wants nothing to do with my sister because of how she is acting - she is treating my mother quite bad, just being rude and not caring who she hurts.

For years, I have not worried. My fiance has included her in so many things but it always backfires, so he is sick of it. I am sick of it, too.

Now, my mother thinks that my fiance is preventing my sister and I from having a relationship and he is upset. My mother will always be my mother but she seems to have taken my sister's side, even though she is treating her badly.

I feel like I'm in the middle of this whole situation and I just don't know what to do about it.

I'm sick of talking about it and couldn't care less sometimes. I just want peace.

My fiance doesn't want the hassle of it all and therefore doesn't really want to spend time with my family (I can understand that). He has always included my mother and sister but it always turns bad with my sister involved. We visited her when she was away and then she whinged because she thought we didn't spend enough time with her and we shouldn't have even bothered. He fixed her car for her and she didn't even thank him or show any appreciation. We went for dinner for my birthday and she caused a fight (on the way home with Mum, not us). She ruined the night for my mum. She just says mean things. She said she was happy that I was upset that my mother wouldn't visit me. My mother felt like she couldn't visit me because my sister would be jealous. It's ridiculous.

Answer 1

Penny,

it is always good to talk your miseries to someone, hope you would get relieved a bit by talking to us. I understand how much you must be affected by all this. All your lose relations are in some kind of confusions and all are talking to you or pointing finger at each other. And poor you is affected by all. Sometimes these kind of things happen in families and the most caring or loving person will be the one who gets affected most. Here it is you. I would suggets the following. The most important people now for you are your fiance and mother, then the sister and brother come later. So, you please make sure your relation with the fiance is safe and troublefree first. Tell him you are sorry all these are affecting him and your life together. Tell him you also are disturbed, so, enough is enough, let others say whatever they want, since you and he know each other very well, let you two concentrate in your life. Tell him you would like to give care for your mother if she needs or else you and he could just carry on with your life. Once he is comforted, you please talk to your mother. You tell her nobody can influence you to change your relation with someone, hence, if she feels there is any problem between you and your sister, it cannot be beacsue of your fiance, but something between you and sister, so leave him out of all this. Tell her also that you would like to take care of her if she needs and she could inform you so. Pleasse make sure you dont argue or use a tone of blaming in these conversations. It may be difficult, but, I am sure you could do that. After that, just carry on with your life. Concentrate in things you and your fiance could do together, take care of him, take care of your hobbies or interests.. like that.. live happily.. Once in a while cll up your Mom and talk to her.. take care.. things will be fine for you..
all the best..

Answer 2

Unfortunately there is no way to fix this without talking. Just tell your sister and your mom (preferably at the same time and face to face so that there is no confusion) that your fiance is not the cause of friction between your sis and you, and then explain the real reason to both of them. That way everything is out in the open and you can all reach a solution together.

Answer 3

Sorry that all you kids had such ROTTEN PARENTING and were not taught to be NORMAL friendly, loving siblings.

I'd suggest that you study up on exactly what a good relationship is and the set an example for your family and friends based on healthy relationship methods.

go here:
http://www.google.com/search?q=relationships&sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2006-40,GGGL:en

Answer 4

The best thing is just talk it over and put it behind you.....dont let this get in your way.....

Forget it......