About two years ago I met a man that I'm now married to now. He has to continue living in Chicago due to his two small children from a previous marriage. I decided it would be best for me to be the one to move from Florida since my children are adults. My son has sinced moved up to Chicago to go to college. So it helps to have one of my children with me. But...My daughter who I use to go places with practically every day is still in Florida. And she says she doesn't want to move because it's too cold here. I feel like a bad mother for leaving her behind, and not only that I don't think I can live the rest of my life so far from her. We only see each other maybe every six months. And then it's only for a few days, because financially that's all we can afford. My heart is breaking at not being able to be with her. I ask other people if they would consider living so far from their kids, and they immediately say there is no way they could. I feel so horrible..I just don't know what to do.
2007-11-27 14:43:44 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
its a hard situation to be in....on one hand you want to be with the man you love and the other you want to be around your daughter...maybe you guys can send pictures via cell phone or email every couple of weeks just to "see" each other....i do realize how hard moving away is...im at 21yo and i moved out when i found out i was pregnant (i wasnt forced to i just knew it was time)...i only moved 15 minutes away from my parents and they freaked out....i am very close with them and every day they want me to move back...i cant imagine the heart break you are feeling...just dont let this come between you and your husband...maybe eventually after his children become adults he will be willing to move since you stayed up there with him while they were growing up. Good luck
2007-11-27 16:56:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you guys miss each other. There is a decision that needs to made between the two of you. She is grown and can and move. You just have to remember that you don't want this situation to get in the middle of your marriage. Your daughter is grown so it's not like you abandoned her. I also live about 1600 miles from my mom. We talk just about everyday on the phone and we visit each other about twice a year. I am soon to be in Chicago and my mom in California. There is no denying that I will miss her but we both have our lives and it's just the way things have to be. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
2007-11-27 14:49:40 · answer #2 · answered by dawnd_444 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you miss your daughter, but at 21 she's hardly a child, is she? So you needn't worry about feeling like you're a bad mother.
I'm quite happy living a fair distance from my mother, to be honest, and the rest of my family! They HAVE to make the effort to come and see me, and I find that I am more likely to go see them. Mind you, I'm not 1200 miles, so I can drive it in a couple of hours. (I'm in Ireland.)
The best way to think about this is to remember that nothing is permanent. It might be that she decides to move closer to you, or that you and your current husband move back to Florida. Who knows what the future will bring?
2007-11-27 15:01:42 · answer #3 · answered by Orla C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And now I am going to be cruel, as I should have done with my wife when our daughter began looking at colleges.
It sounds as if getting this separation may save your daughter as a person. She is not your other half, she is your daughter and children of either gender grow and spread their wings. To me, it seems as if that was never going to happen with the two of you too close together.
The mother-daughter bond does not have to be broken, but it does have to stretch. If I could have made that happen here, perhaps we would not have almost lost our daughter to anorexia and have seen her through two failed marriages.
Let her have a life of her own, please.
2007-11-27 15:03:27 · answer #4 · answered by Tom K 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is a very lucky young woman. Taking care of oneself, being alone in the world, its so important nowadays. The world is a rough place, if we dont learn to face it by ourselves, we remain weak. How lucky she is to have this oportunity. Later in life she will be a much stronger woman. And thats what life is like in a globalized world. I see it as pretty normal. We are in the 21 st century.
2007-11-27 14:57:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is 21 and she needs to let go of you sooner or later you are not a bad mother you spent 21of the most important years of her life with her and now its time for her to make her life ...yes is going to be hard but take it day by day and as long as you are there for her everything will be ok....
2007-11-27 14:57:04 · answer #6 · answered by Yassy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not a bad mother! Things change and life and your daughter is now a women.
2007-11-27 14:56:06 · answer #7 · answered by Hekate 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i sounds hard, but she is an adult now. What if you go to the trouble of reloacting your new husband and family back to Florida, only to have her get married and move to arizona? Lots of families have to live apart and only see eachother over the holidays. its not ideal, but its normal.
2007-11-27 14:50:56 · answer #8 · answered by parental unit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are a bad mother for living her... you should follow her until she dies or better of drag her with you everywhere you go
2007-11-27 14:52:51 · answer #9 · answered by Michael S 3 · 0⤊ 5⤋