Is it normal for a mother?

Question

How can a mother belittle her own children with words such as "you can't do anything right, and you won't succeed in anything in life?". When the mother is the one in an abusive marriage and doesn't even know how to deal with her own marriage, or the way her family/children are falling apart. I bust my butt off in school to get somewhere in my life, just so i can graduate and make enough money to move her/my brother/myself away from my father and his abusive ways. So she thanks me by turning around and telling me "I'm not good enough, I don't try hard enough?". There's days where I'm so drained emotionally from all the stress and I can't stop crying, but i push myself even harder. I feel so alone sometimes like no one gets me, and nobody can help me. I lost trust and respest for my father 14 yrs ago, and now I have to do the same with my mother? Why would she say something like that to me?

Answer 1

Remember 4 items -

1) Listening

2) Reasoning

3) Understanding

4) Negotiating

You could try the long-lost art of speaking with your parents concerning your thoughts and feelings.

Choose a time when both parents have absolutely nothing to do. (They can't give excuses, then)

Remember that you might need to give up some of your time for this to happen.

Also, choose an atmosphere which is conducive for discussion, such as a "neutral" room of the house, or perhaps (if the weather is nice), sitting on a blanket in the back yard.

Above all, the atmosphere must be relaxing and no interference, such as TV, other people, music, noisy locations, etc.

The simple trick of communicating is CALMLY (and I mean calmly) discussing with your parents your thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Other subjects could also be included.

Remember the word calmly. It does no good if one raises their voice and tries to control the conversation.

Another trick is listening to their side of the conversation. Don't you dominate the conversation and keep your ears open.

Remember, you asked them for their time, so give them your full attention.

Most conversation ends abruptly because of non-listening.

An item of importance; if one of your parents says something you don't agree with, don't belittle them; instead,

Negotiate and ask them what would be agreeable to them.

(This tends to work wonders - it makes them stop to think, sometimes helping them realize they just might be unreasonable. But keep in mind - they might do this to you, so have some reasonable answers ready.)

Keep the communications open and two-way (or three-way, if both parents are present.)

You'll find that listening, reasoning, understanding, and negotiating are very effective ways of communicating and eventually everybody gets what everybody wants.

It also shows your parents that you are growing up and possibly ready to handle responsibilities.

Answer 2

It is not normal. I think that in her situation with the abusive father that he belittles her and it seems like maybe for the past years that this might be all she knows. She's stressed out and feeling badly about herself and I guess that she wants everyone else to feel the same way. It's common in an abusive relationship. Just keep doing what you are doing and just keep telling her that you want better for yourself. It doesn't look like things will ever get better as long as she's with your dad. Keep focused on school so that you can do well in life. good luck

Answer 3

Unfortunately, this is all too common. What I recommend is that you get some family counsuling, and if your father trys to physically punish anyone for that, there are some steps you can take. If he is being physically abusive at all, the law enforcement should know.
Your mother is being abused, and many abused people are unable to make some rational decisions, so it's is natural that she finds somebody (like you) to take her anger, sadness and frusteration on. Again, counsoling and the law are two major places you can turn to. If you are still in school, then you should go to your school consouler soon.
And I mean REAL SOON. Try going tommorrow. Trust me, it will help. Same thing with the Police.
Real soon. Please. For yourself and your mother.

Answer 4

You are not alone. I have been in your world and I am now a adult. Please take me seriously when I say please get help. Talk to your school counselor to start with. You have to 100% honest with anyone you talk to if you are not they will not take you seriously.I felt worthless and the things I went through as a teen I still have nightmares as a adult. On top of that I have had other issues with relationships, trust, and have made some vary bad decissions just to get out of that house. What is happening to you is not normal and you do need help. If a councler turns you away find a social worker, a teacher who will listen,or someone who cares. Be strong and never give up. You can overcome it. You don't have to like them or what they think you are.

Answer 5

Let me say how much I admire,you for your hard work, working hard,it will be your way out of a bad situation, continue doing that for your sake not for your mother, truth needs no defense, you know the truth, you know that you are trying hard and quite honestly, that is all you have to do, you can try helping out a bit more, when she say things to hurt you, take the wind out of her sails, by saying to her I know you are having a bad day, how can I help you?

It is not your job to worry about her marriage it is not for you to worry that she is abused by your father, she could do something about it, she chooses not too, you just focus on study and get yourself out of there, when you are stronger and older you can help your brother, can you talk to some one at school some one you can trust?
MY husband told me one day that the only reason he got his final degree, was the voice of his mother telling him that he will never amount to any thing, it,was very hard for him because he had to put himself through university,
every time he felt like giving up, he heard his mothers voice and that gave him strenght,so may be your mom 's voice will do the same for you, strenghten your determination to succed in spite of her not because of her.
good luck

Answer 6

Ive never been in this situation before.. But My mom sort of did the same thing.. She would say **** to me that like people couldn't believe my mother acutally said... and i hated her for it.. But if she is having issues with her OWN marriage. she might just be saying it to make her feel like a bigger person beucase it seems like ur dad is belittleing your mom... I am sorry if that is not true but thats what i got out of it :)
It sounds like you are a good kid.. Keep trying hard and you will make smething out of yoruself... But if you really cant stand it anymore.. Talk to her... Have a one on one and tell her that you cry sometimes and make her feel kind of guitly.. She might change her tone around you... email me if u need to:) im here to talk

Answer 7

Your mother is no better than your dad.She is just as bad as he is.
None of this is your fault and the fact that you havent turned out to be a welfare mom shows that you have good character,and I am proud of you.Please stick with what you are doing it will pay off in the end!
Dont give up though because your brother and sister need you to be strong.
JESUS loves you and knows what you are going through hon.Turn to HIM and HE will see you through.
If you get a chance, visit a United pentecostal church, they can help, my church family has become closer than my real family,but it is because I have changed over the years and am not like my dysfuntional family anymore.

Answer 8

please do not take to heart wut she said to you .. she did not mean that at all .. sometimes people say things to others that wud hurt them because they are just letting out the anger .. and i applaud you for working so hard .. it will get u somewhere eventually and she will thank you later .. do not blame ur mother just stick by her she is being abused and hurt to think straight

Answer 9

Is it normal? No. Is it all too common, yes.

Answer 10

You have it good compared to my life. Let's go bowling.