my stepdaughter comes every friday to sleep over. she is 4. the thing is that she sleeps with my husband and me on the same bed. we use to put a little matres side my husband for her to sleep. but lately she is with us in the same bed. should i put up with it? how can i tell my husband i am not confortable with it.
2007-11-27 12:16:28 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
As a mother of an almost 4 year old little girl I can tell you this.
Your step daughter is there once a week, and I'm assuming thats the only time she sees her dad. She's in a different place, away from her mommy, and it is perfectly acceptable at that age to want to stay close to daddy when she is with him. My daughter visits her father every other weekend and 90% of the time she sleeps with him as well. That's the only time she has to bond with her daddy, so in essence she's making up for lost time.
I'm more concerned about you. Are you maybe jealous of the attention your husband gives to his daughter while shes there? Do you have kids of your own? It doesn't seem like it or else you'd understand. One night a week is NOTHING to make a fuss over... I think you need to readjust your thinking for the childs sake.
2007-11-27 13:01:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
You've gotten some good suggestions here. The one bit of lore that I can cite is this- "A child is too old to sleep in the same bed when one of them is uncomfortable with it." So even if your husband and your step daughter are OK, if *you* aren't comfortable, then it's time for the girl to sleep somewhere else.
I think this is what you want. How to accomplish this depends on lots of factors unknown as yet. Talking to your husband seems good because he's involved. Talking to your stepdaughter seems unnecessary because she's a child.
Maybe a small bed for her in the same room- her own pillow, bedspread, etc. And maybe something else that would make it "her" bed- a toy, a night light, a small rug, something that would help her to feel more comfortable with her own space.
Good luck. You've got a difficult but not impossible situation.
2007-11-27 20:34:26 · answer #2 · answered by going_for_baroque 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Does she normally sleep with her mom & stepdad? If so that could be why. My son went through a phase of that & he out grew it. But it can feel like an invasion at times, when you may just need some space at night. I understand that. I would hope you could tell your husband in a nice way your feelings. He should want you to be happy & comfortable with her visits & not dreading them instead. Not to mention that at times you just don't get a good nights sleep if the bed is too full. I'd nicely talk to him about. Good luck
2007-11-27 20:32:26 · answer #3 · answered by Karebear 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need to calm down. If he even listens to you about being uncomfortable, then he is not such a good father. How would you like him to treat your children like that. If that was you and your 4 year old daughter or son wanted to sleep with you the times that he saw you i think you see this differntly. Shes a little girl that sees her daddy on the weekends, dont take away what she wants. And what kind of mother are you,(i am guessing your not) that you cant let a child sleep in that same bed with you and your husband once and a while. You seem like the perfect example of a "stepmother".
2007-11-27 20:26:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 4⤋
Well yes you should tell your husband he'll understand maybe he is felling the same way and maybe your stepdaughter is scared of sleeping alone or maybe his dad use to let her sleep with him.
2007-11-27 20:28:00 · answer #5 · answered by MARIA R 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I would not put up with it. I would go sleep on the couch. She has no reason to be sleeping in bed with dad at 4 years old let alone with you as the step mom. As a mother I would have a problem with it.
2007-11-27 20:25:17 · answer #6 · answered by mickeybettyboop 3 · 2⤊ 3⤋
She is old enought to sleep in her own room by her self. Not in your room on your floor or in your bed.
Talk to your husband and let him know hey this isn't cool.
I would talk to her and find out why she wants to sleep in your room and in your bed.
There maybe somehting going on. Once you have that figured out you and start doing a bed time schedual and routine.
2007-11-27 21:29:42 · answer #7 · answered by lovelyinkedlady0613 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
She is only four, and if she only comes over once a week it might be hard on her, in a strange place. maybe if you could slowly move her out? move her back to the mattress on the floor, then maybe stay with her in her room til she falls asleep.
2007-11-27 20:21:12 · answer #8 · answered by Sicily 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You tell him you're not comfortable with it and why.
Then... You listen to his feelings on the subject.
Then, the two of you work together for *each others* happiness (that means that you think about what will make *him* happy, too - not just expect him to do what makes you happy) & try to come to a compromise that leaves both of you feeling respected, valued & loved.
2007-11-27 20:45:20 · answer #9 · answered by Maureen 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It's a four year old. She wants to sleep next to people it's natural. My niece is 3 almost 4 and is always begging to sleep with me and my fiancee, he doesn't seem to be comfortable with it and he's just a step-uncle.. almost. Why are you so uncomfortable with it?
2007-11-27 20:22:55 · answer #10 · answered by Jake 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋