We met on line and since our first contact have talked every day (at first each conversation was 2 or 3 hours in length for about 4 or 5 days). When we finally met there was instant chemistry and we have dated at least once a week - sometimes twice, every week since. We have spoken every day (but one) on the phone and on the one day we didn't speak we conversed briefly by email. I really like this guy. We are both still on the dating site (although I tell interested parties i have found someone), so, how do I let this guy know that I would like us to be exclusive or is it safe to assume perhaps we are?? I don't want to scare him off, but I don't want to let him get away either - I really like this one!!! He seems to be s into me too and is not afraid to show his affections towards me even in public, hold hands, kisses etc.. But again its been a long time since I've dated and I tend to over analyze everything....What do I do??
2007-11-27 08:36:56 · 18 answers · asked by It's Trix 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just be honest and tell him how you feel. The odds are that he feels the same. Congrats on finding a nice guy and I hope it works out for you!
2007-11-27 08:39:42 · answer #1 · answered by JazzyJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gday
Back on the dating scene...
No doubt something has happened that put you back on the dating scene.
Isnt it great to find out we still have it in us to feel that flutter in the heart (that isnt medically related) and that excitement, that we may not have felt since we held hands the first time when we were kids.
I reckon its safe to say that one thing we have with a few years on us, is experience.
Experience will tell you that honesty is the best policy so dont beat around the bush girl.
Without being overbearing, find a nice spot, just you and him and hold his hand (important), look him right in the eye and tell him you feel something a bit special towards him and felt that, (without being pushy), and wanted to know if he might be ready to make himself more available to one person, (you)rather than to many.
He might be in the same boat as you, and need someone to give himself too.
Remember, lots of men are little boys inside, so be gentle, and what ever you do dont be mothering, but make sure he understands exactly what you are getting at.
He needs to.......get it........too.
Oh, and make sure you smile while you discuss this with him.
If it turns out that he wants to be a free agent, well youve been honest and you wont be wasting time.
Then you go have a little cry, a nice glass of wine in the bath then pick yourself up and go for it again.
There will DEFINITELTY be someone for you out there.
Just so you know I was with the same woman for 32 years.
First girl I ever put my arm around.
Married for 26 years and two sons.
Then it all ended, although amicably.
I met 3 ladies over about a 12 month period and then, Neridah came along.
She was smitten, I didnt know........ a bit scared........then we became good friends, then mates and lovers and now we are married and its all good.
The relationship has blossomed and I am so happy to spend the rest of my life with her.
She has a daughter Nikkita and I had to come to grips with a little girl hugging me, after the rough and tumble of two boys who grew up in the bush.
Nikk is 17 now and a lovely young woman.
Anyway thats my story so you can see Ive kinda been where you are.
Good luck and keep your chin up.
Happiness is peeping around the corner at you and will leap on you when you least expect it.
GIVE everything YOU want out of a relationship to him, and dont wait for it to be given to you.
You get out of a relationship what YOU put in.
Love every minute of your life.
2007-11-27 17:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with him. People play too many games nowadays and it sounds like you have probably both been through some relationships before. Just let him know that you feel a chemistry and that you have been really enjoying the time you spend together. I don't think you have to ask him to be exclusive but you should make your feelings clear and see what he says back. If he returns them then it's probably safe to say you are both in the same place in the relationship and you will feel a lot better. Good luck.
2007-11-27 16:41:00 · answer #3 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never assume that you and your significant other are exclusive, unless you both agree that you are. You have only been dating this person for about a month, so my advice is to simply bask in the moment and enjoy each day that you spend with this individual. I'm sure that you have acquired many interests/hobbies in the 20 years you did not date. You didn't mention what you guys do on your dates, but make certain that this individual is interested in what you are interested in and vice versa. And remember, everything that is new gets old eventually...
2007-11-27 16:46:58 · answer #4 · answered by mycady39 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 months. Thats the standard time frame to decide whether you want to take the next step and be exclusive, or move on. Of course thats just a time frame, you both may feel the same right away. But if he hasn't said anything, I wouldn't bring it up now. However, for your own health and well being, I would sleep with the guy until you are in a confirmed monogamous relationship.
2007-11-27 16:41:36 · answer #5 · answered by slushpile reader 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've only been "seeing" him for a month, not long enough at all to tell what he's really like. Keep your options open, as well as your eyes and ears. After you have known him and dated for say, six months, then talk about exclusivity. Again, not nearly long enough to really get to know him, but a little better than one months and at the end of six months you want to know that the 2 of you are working on a future together.
2007-11-27 16:41:30 · answer #6 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to have "the talk" You should not assume anything that is how you can get yourself hurt. But I would just take it easy. A month may be long enough for some to be exclusive, but not everyone feels that way. Now if you are having sex diferent rules apply. But just to put your mind at ease you should talk to him and tell him what you want. If he gets scared off then you weren't meant to be anyway. Good luck!
2007-11-27 16:42:41 · answer #7 · answered by greeni707 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would get off the dating site. As long as you are out there it means you "may" be availiable. Second just let him know how much you enjoy his company and your contacts and really want to continue what is a good beginning. Tell him that you have taken yourself off the dating site (don't ask him to do the same - let him volunteer it). See where it goes. Don't expect the continual contact that you have had to continue unless there is really good vibes. Good luck
2007-11-27 16:42:07 · answer #8 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try removing yourself from the dating site first so that shows him you are interested in only him now and see if he removes himself or continues the site. If you two hit it off so well, then ask him what he wants out of the relationship and tell him what you want. Good luck
2007-11-27 16:40:36 · answer #9 · answered by luving_life_2007 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your time. Know him 6 months before any moving in together. Should you move in together write up an agreement and sign it to split all costs. Keep good records .
Keep separate bank accounts.
Loan NO money. Small or big.
Sign on NO loans.
DO NOT LET LOVE MAKE YOU STUPID. If it is real it will work. Good Luck.
2007-11-27 16:43:26 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have got to make the first move , he might be shy, or just nervous that if he makes the first move it will frighten you away , don't let this guy get away he sounds great , speak to him now , you only get one chance at real happiness in life, and i think the only reason he is still on this dating site is he is wondering the same as you , will she wont she is she the one ,,,go for it and good luck
2007-11-27 16:43:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋