I'm miserable, please help me..?

Question

I dated this guy for over 4 years. Everything was good between us always. We discussed marriage and children but we are still young (21) so we weren't ready for it. One morning during the summer, we got into a disagreement and he just ended the relationship. I don't know what happened.

Since then, we have talked everyday and he ended up telling me that he was really stressed about things and that I didn't help so he ended it. We also started communicating better since then. Its been a while now (5 months) and I really miss him as my boyfriend. We spend alot of time together, the same amount of time we spent when we were together. Its like nothing has changed between us but the thing is we are not together. This kills me because the titles seem important. They are not as important to him. He says he is not ready for a girlfriend, I say you already have that (me). How do I make him see that I am his "girlfriend?" I'd like us to be together but he is reluctant. Its been a while and I

cannot see my future without him in it. We talked about marriage and children the other day but I still feel that he is resting and believing that we are not together. How can I get him to see?

Oh yeah, we are not interested in other people. Neither of us have had a relationship since the breakup and have not been interested in finding one

I KNOW he is the one. Its that feeling I cannot describe. I KNOW it. I don't know if he knows it though and I don't want to be 50 when he realizes it

Answer 1

Wow. You pose a difficult situation here. He still cares - you still care, but just how much? -Just how seriously? -Just how committed other than just dating one another - to a future together?

It sounds to me, that if and when you both DO disagree, that you should talk about what happened previously and why you reacted the way you did and be honest and open about your opinion. For some reason, it does sound like you may have "stepped on" his "toes" in some way, or basically like he stated, "not helped" the situation and he was looking for an ear and a little empathy and perhaps some compassion.

I'd continue to date him, if indeed, you feel he's the "one" - if you don't have that gut feeling, turn him loose and move on...lessons are learned by relationships, and often, better you for a future one.

One would think, however, after 4 years, you two would have had numerous disagreements and know one another better. The fact he's reluctant to call you his girlfriend again is a "red flag" - he's not truly over that disagreement you two had...why? If you care enough about him, you two need to reopen the subject and clear it out, once and for all - even if you just wish to remain friends, this should be done.

Sincerely,

Grace

Answer 2

You can only change the things you control yourself. He knows how you feel. You are miserable, so something needs to change. So you can either a.) stay in this relationship and wait for him to decide he wants you like you want him, or b.) start finding new friends. Don't start playing stupid games, like "I want to make him jealous." Don't go out to find a boyfriend. Just expand your friend list a little, go to the movies with a girlfriend or whatever. Right now there is no reason for him to want things to change, it's perfect for him the way it is. Don't be so dependent on him for your happiness. Take care of it yourself. Join a bowling league, volunteer somewhere, get active in a campaign.

Answer 3

Tell him this, not us. No seriously, it could put things back together. One time i posted a question on here (like a year ago) saying how i love this guy, but he doesnt even like me (something like that) I finally told him how i felt, its going to be our one year aniversary in 3 weeks :) So just tell him!

Answer 4

try to work it out, or move on. you are young , take it easy.