2007-11-27 07:35:15 · 14 answers · asked by Colleen S 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I feel your pain. I have a 9 year old son that has ADHD and is still adjusting to his father and I getting a divorce. There are a few things that I have found that work for me...when it comes to chores, I make 2 lists, one for me and one for him. I then give him the choice which list he wants (I don't specify that one is for me & vice versa). He chooses his list and gets it done, albeit with nudges along the way. When, not if, when, he starts to backtalk to me, I tell him that I do not talk to him that way and will be ignoring him until he can speak to me with respect and in the tone of a 9 year old, not a 2 year old. A big motivator for my son is PS2...he is not allowed to play it at all during the week, but he "earns" time for the weekend by behaving, doing homework, etc. The one good thing is that the rules are the same at my ex-husbands house as well. Hope this helped!
2007-11-27 11:18:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I noticed is that you wrote "is becoming." This suggests that before this you had a polite, undemanding child. Usually, if a kid is going to be a demanding smartypants you see it before age 10.
You might want to investigate and find out if there's something going on in your child's life that is stressing him/her. Has something in your child's life changed a lot? (Move, parents divorcing, new school?) By the same token, is there something going on in your own life that could be making you more aggravated?
One quick way to check your own communication is to imagine that you're being filmed and recorded and your interactions with your child are going to be splayed all over national TV. (Calm down, this is hypothetical!) If you would be embarrassed by how you talk, time for a parenting book or a therapist.
PS If your child really is too sassy and out of control, maybe "staying calm" isn't the answer. Of course you shouldn't wig out or hit the child, but maybe you need to get a little assertive in your voice and demands, too.
2007-11-27 18:26:26 · answer #2 · answered by Kennedy 2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok...Try really hard to remember what you were like at that age. Or, if your mom is still with you, ask her if you ever talked back. Now, with that in mind...
Understand that your kid is probably hitting pre-puberty and is an emotional wreck. When he/she is in a calm mood, sit down and talk about how you feel when you are disrespected. Also, tell your kid that from that point on, you will no longer stand for it and what the punishment will be. Give a warning, take things away, being grouned, etc.. Stay firm and consistant. Kids go through this, just be thankful that he/she is talking to you at all.
2007-11-27 16:52:27 · answer #3 · answered by elloel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember, kids go for the effect because the more emotional mommy and daddy get the better the chances of them getting what they want.
Don't let their words bother you. Most times they do not know or understand what they are saying. They only know that it makes mommy and daddy angry.
Stay calm and stay focused. Stay on the issue at hand.
For example:
Daughter: "I don't want to clean my room. You do that."
Mother: "I told you to clean your room."
Daughter: "I don't care. I don't want to."
Mother: "I told you to clean your room. Start by picking up the clothes off the floor."
Daughter: "I don't have to clean my room. I hate you anyway."
Mother: "I'm sorry you feel that way, but you still have to clean your room."
I think you get the point. This is called reflection. You are taking what they say and reflect it back to them while reminding them of the issue.
The more you react the worse the outcome. As much as possible don't react. Sometimes, negotiating is the way to go if something can be negotiated. The task at hand or the issue may be more complicated than they know how to take care of that situation. So stay calm, back pedal a few steps and find out what the issue is. Sometimes, it's their way of asking for help.
2007-11-27 15:55:56 · answer #4 · answered by cinderellanjo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honeslty this doesn't usually just happen overnight. You have probably not been consistent in correcting him over the years.
You just have to make a concious effort to be consistent from now on and stick to your guns. Also, take the time to talk to him and ask him why is he behaving the way he is. Have serious conversations with him and explain to him why you want him to behave a certain way. If he messes up, make him do it again.
Always treat him with respect, children learn from what they see around them. If he sees you being polite(please, thank you, excuse me) to others, he will pick up on it.
Of course treating him with respect does not mean that you are not still the parent. You are the parent and you are in charge.
2007-11-27 15:43:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell the 10 year old that you are the one in charge and you set the rules.
I know it sounds easier than it seems but it is what is needed.
most children today have an inflated sense of entitlement and figure they can question everything that you say. you just stop that behavior. If it means that the child screams that they don't love you anymore that is what it means they will come around in short order.
I have always told my children that they don't have to love me or even like me but they will respect me. I also make sure they know that we can have fun togther but I am not their friend I am their Mother.
2007-11-27 15:46:50 · answer #6 · answered by searching for friends 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just set the grounds. Tell him or her that you are the one in charge and when he or she answers back a lot, then there will be consequences, like sitting in the corner for 10 minutes or no tv for an afternoon. Also set your rules and inform your friends and family that those rules are to be kept when your child is visiting them so that she or he does not get conflicting messages.
2007-11-27 15:40:13 · answer #7 · answered by preety_lady_serenity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the adult. You stay calm because you ARE the adult, and what YOU say goes. If you give in to his demands, he will figure this is the best way to get what he wants and he'll continue. If his demanding and backtalking does NOT get him what he wants, he'll eventually stop it. Don't let his gibberish bring you down to his 10 year old level.
2007-11-27 15:41:52 · answer #8 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him if he talks back he loses the tv,video games and phones for a week and no friends can come over.And if he continues he has to clean house top to bottom for 2 weeks.
this works with my nephews and cousins age range 6 -16.
2007-11-27 15:43:47 · answer #9 · answered by favorite_aunt24 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have one that is 9 and he does it to mine thinks he needs the last word in my counselor said for me to seed him to his room and until he can realize who the parent is he can stay there he keeps doing start taking stuff away u may email me thecook24@yahoo.com my son is adhd so i go though this a lot hope this helps
2007-11-27 15:40:49 · answer #10 · answered by Christina C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋