Ok. I gave my boyfriend specific details about what I wanted as an engagement ring. I told him either at least a 1/2 carat solitaire or a 2 carat bridal set. He proposed, but diamond is 1/4 carat and all this other crap on the sides is 1/4 carat. It is a beautiful ring. I don't want to give it back, but its not what I asked for. This is so much of a problem that I have not shared with my co-workers my engagement because they all have no less than a 1 carat diamond. I am a professional and even the secretary has no less than a 1 carat diamond. I have considered talking with him, but I dont want to hurt his feelings. I gave him specific instructions, but I think he was anxious to propose so he just got what he could get instead of taking time to save. Should I suggest that he still buy what I asked for?
2007-11-27 06:46:58 · 114 answers · asked by Misslady77 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ok. I love the ring. Its just small. I love him too and contrary to what has been said I am not materialistic. It is a matter of principle. If you ask me what I want and I tell you...what is the point in asking? Also, I have no problem telling my co-workers that I am engaged. I do know that they are materialistic and they all had weddings with 200 or more people. I am plan on just getting married (me and him), so I know they will have something to say either way. I don't really want to entertain anyone....I just wanted what I asked for. Is that a crime? I have no other jewelry. I am shop at cheap places, but I look for quality.
2007-11-27 12:48:32 · update #1
yes, give it back. not, accept it because HE gave it to you. It's the meaning, not the stone.
2007-11-27 06:49:24 · answer #1 · answered by wudbiser 4 · 18⤊ 6⤋
First of all since you are a professional !!! I am also a professional and a highly paid one at that. I took a course in college called Marriage Institution and we looked at your predicament in our course. The problem that exists here is that in todays society we are so concentrated on the dollar amount spent on a RING. Hey you could have a 1/4 carat that is worth $ 3,000 and the secretary could have a 1 carat worth $ 1,200 dollars it all comes down to the 4 C's. You need to understand that your boyfriend may do something different for a living than the secretarys husband does. Perhaps the secretarys husband is an attorney, doctor, stock broker, investment banker, etc... and your fiance is a teacher, fireman, policeman, public servant of some kind, etc...., there is honor in any job and as long as he is making an honest living thats all that counts and he LOVES YOU !!! Remember the divorce rate is over 85% nowadays and you have something that many people would kill to have LOVE!!! It also seems like in todays society women are very materialistic and selfish when it comes to rings. HEY you can always upgrade down the road to a bigger stone when he can afford it. Surely you wouldn't want him to go into a huge debt before you even get married and affect your future that way over a stupid ring. THE RING IS A SYMBOL not a DOWN PAYMENT on your HEART !!!! You should be happy with what he can provide and admire him because he is an honest and loyal gentleman. IF you want so guy who will buy you a 5 CARAT DIAMOND and then leave you after a year or so with a kid to fend for yourself go find that LOSER somewhere else. Coming from a family whom had never had a divorce in generations EVER !!! My generation now has 26 grandchildren with 22 divorces and counting and only 22 of the grandchildren have ever been married. Hopefully this will help you decide to be satisfied with a good and honorable man whom does not lie to you about what he can afford right now to give you. You wouldn't want to be such an educated lady and appear to be so SHALLOW because of a ring !!! Be secure in knowing you will probably go much further in life and be much more wealthy in the long run because your husband is sensible. He will be able to purchase you a nice home instead of putting a home on your hand and then having to struggle to pay it off and not being able to purchase your love nest to make you comfortable and happy. GOOD LUCK !!!!!
2007-11-27 07:07:12 · answer #2 · answered by Joe A 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Wow...all I ever wanted was to spend my life with the person I love. It never mattered to me whether it was a cubic zirconia, a 1/4 carat stone, or a diamond that made it nearly impossible to lift my hand. I was always taught to be thankful for the things I was given because whoever got it for me obviously put the time and effort into choosing it for me. Why would I ever hurt someone over something so petty as a carat weight?!
Did it ever cross your mind that this was the ring he could afford at the time and his desire to propose to you and show you how much he loves you far outweighed the size of the diamond? Besides, years down the road, when you two can afford it... maybe you can get a larger ring for an anniversary gift.
Ease up on the obsession to be controlling (as well as your need to compare yourself to others and base your success on material possessions) and accept his thoughtful and loving gesture....or give him the ring back and tell him he deserves better than someone like you.
2007-11-27 08:00:10 · answer #3 · answered by Kim 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You sound like a small person. How unfortunate for your fiance. You asked for a 1/2 carat solitaire--but that's still only half as big as the secretary's ring, so wouldn't you still feel like a failure or whatever it is that's going through your mind?
The truth is, the main thing that bothers me is that you actually said the ring is beautiful! You like the ring, but feel you cannot compete with someone else which has you ashamed. A real pity.
Run your own race. You are not in competition with anyone else.
2007-11-27 08:11:40 · answer #4 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think you should give it back....so then he will have the chance to go off and find someone else to share his life with. Someone who will appreciate him and not be so greedy nor care what other people think.
I cant believe you are being so silly over what other people will think. He proposed you nong. You should be happy. I find it disturbing that these days nobody wants anything less than a carat diamond. Some girls walk around with the crappest quality diamond, just because it has to be a carat. I wonder how many guys are out there in debt up to their eyeballs, paying off a stupid ring.
Look accept this token of his love graciously. So it is not what you wanted....big deal. How many of us do get exactly what we want? And remember, men are pretty clueless when it comes to rings. He probably heard half a carat, and didnt realise that you meant a half carat stone.....he probably didnt know the difference between tdw and a half carat diamond. Give him a break please girl.
The sad thing is I think you would actually love this ring if you didnt care so much about having a bigger stone than the others at work. Swallow your pride and be proud of the ring he chose for you.
2007-11-27 06:57:04 · answer #5 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
If an honest answer is what you want......
I think it's silly that you are more focused on the size of the diamond, and your "specific instructions", than you are at the fact that this man obviously loves you (despite your materialistic ideals) and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Who CARES how many karats the ring is? The ring itself won't keep you warm at night and won't father your children. I also can't help but wonder it this is just a subconscious way of you not wanting to marry him in the first place. Look, you should really be more focused on the fact that you are getting married.
If anything else...and the ring bothers you that much, why don't you suggest that when you pick out his ring before the wedding, you have your stone replaced.....That way you can tell everyone you are competing with at work, that it is only the engagement ring, and he wasn't sure what you wanted. Then you can give him more time to get the ring you "specifically" asked for.
2007-11-27 06:56:34 · answer #6 · answered by amanda r 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You obviously don't know much about diamonds or relationships.
The cut and clarity of the diamond are much more important than the carats, everyone knows that. My wife's ring is a 1/2 carat center with a 1/4 on each side. It is a VS1 and a Bostonian Cut - It shines briter and more clearly than any of my friend's wives rings - they all have big superficial rocks, but the clarity and cut aren't nearly as perfect as my wife's - they all compliment hers and they know theirs are not as nice.
If you are going to complain about a ring that you said is "beautiful" you don't deserve the man who gave it to you. This trend of telling someone what type of engagement ring you want sickens me - it takes away all spontanaity and cheapens the love and committment that go into that huge purchase. HE HAS INVESTED IN GIVING UP EVERY OTHER WOMAN IN THE WORLD FOR YOU, and to you it's not good enough???
2007-11-27 07:35:35 · answer #7 · answered by The Diggity 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have never in my life heard someone describe their engagement ring using the adjective "crap"!! You are truly unbelievable! It makes no difference how big the diamond is...or whether or not he "followed your instructions"...take to heart that he tried to be romatic and sentimental and unique. Perhaps he could have saved a little longer, but as demending as you are would that also not have been okay with you. Please learn a lesson in selflessness and love the man..not the ring. I can guarantee you that your co-workers are going to be very proud over your engagement and probably not one of them is going to metion the size of your ring! When I got married I got a 1/4 carat diamond...and on Valentines Day of our 10th year, I got a 1 carat solitaire. This is a very common practice! You're going to run him off with your controling nature if you do not get this in check!
2007-11-27 07:49:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly if this is an issue you may want to rethink your motives in this relationship. Maybe your not ready for marriage. The ring is not a status symbol (although society has made it that). It is simply a sign of you commitment to the one you love and vow to be with for ever no matter what....even if the ring is not what you had in mind. Would you rather he go into debt and not be happy through your engagement and wedding BC he is stressed on how to pay for the ring that gave you nothing more than bragging rights? I'm not attacking you or calling you shallow BC I was the same way. Now that I have been married and understand whats truly important I have put my very large diamond in my jewelry box and daily I wear just a silver band with NO diamonds. I know I love my husband for no other reason. Just some food for thought. In my opinion if this bothers you then your not ready to marry this man.
2007-11-27 06:53:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Why does he want to marry you? Why are you marrying him? You should be so blinded by love that you should not be able to see the size of the ring. It should be the most beautiful gift in the entire world. Why do you want to keep up with The Jones? Who cares what the other girls have? All you should care about is if you will be able to make a happy life together with this man.
Really, it is not about the ring, at all. I think you might need to step back and reevaluate what this engagement means to you. If someone smirks at your ring, you should just know in your heart that this is THE man. You need to do some deep thinking about you, your man and your relationship. There will always be something to compare (your careers, the type of cars you have, the size of your house, etc.) and the ring is just the beginning.
You should be above this if you want a marriage to work, because if what people do, say and have bother you, your marriage will fail. And you will end up with your Big ring and No husband. How would that feel? You wouldn't be able to compare husbands then, would you?
An engagement and marriage is about your love for each other. It's about your caring for each other. It's about wanting to spend the rest of your life together.
There shouldn't even be a ring involved anymore. The ring was an old tradition that doesn't even exist in these days and times. Is he buying you from your parents? Is he promising to your parents that he will take care of you? You should just be too busy promising each other that you will take care of each other for a lifetime.
2007-11-27 06:52:34 · answer #10 · answered by Fancy You 6 · 7⤊ 1⤋
You say you love the ring and you think it's nice...but then you say you don't want it because the other girls in the office have more diamonds or more carats?
I'm sorry - but maybe you should wait until you're out of highschool to get married.
Grow up! It's a ring that symbolizes your love and committment, it's not a ring to symbolize your pay cheque.
You know where I'd tell the ladies in the office to stick their rings if they said anything about my ring? That's right - where the sun don't shine. It's pathetic that people - especially us women - put pressure on one another to have the best and brightest. It's just a diamond - there are women in this world that can't even put food on the table for their kids and here we are whining because our diamonds are just too small. Please!
2007-11-27 06:55:03 · answer #11 · answered by Haute-p1nk 2 · 6⤊ 1⤋