Do teachers expect too much from Parents now adays??

Question

I have alot of respect for teachers. I love to hear what my child who is 7 has to share with me when she gets home about what exciting things she's learned.
Although i think the teachers expect too much. I have to take my child to school everyday because we live to close for her to ride the bus so i'm stuck in the car for 30 minutes to drop her off then 40 minutes to pick her up while working 40 hrs a week at night so i can be home if my daughter gets sick at school so i can get her or any other reason. Well the teacher alwasy sends notes in her agaenda book telling me i have to read to her 20 minutes a nite every night my husband works a hard job in the day so he's tired when he gets home and concentrates more on making sure her homework is done and dninner is made and she's bathed before bed. i work til 12:30 at night and back up at 6:30 am to get her ready for school i'm soo tired i spend mornings washing her school clothes cleaning house before i go to work ...continued

i'm soo tired throughout the week and teacher sends mean comments to me if i don't read to her everynight even though i double up on her reading when i have my 2 nights off aweek. Or there sending notes asking us to buy this or that for whatever thing they have planned seems like everyother week..i can't afford all this i'm doing the best i can to the point where i catch myself falling asleep behind the wheel on the way home from work. i would love to be more involved but ithink having aroof over her head and clothes and food for her are more important than reading everynight not just couple times aweek but everynight. My parents never had to do this..she gets perfect grades and reads very well...soo why the rude comments in her agenda??

yes i know i'm her mom but when you have everyday errands to run soccer tryouts grocery shopping making sure she has clean nice clothes to wear and all this before going to the jobthat pays for all of this kinda puts atoll on your health then getting stressed from all the negative feedback doesn't help. I'm not just watching t.v everyday i have strenous job and i help her with her assignments but it seems every homework she gets needs parents to be apart of.

I want to read to her more but i'm at work when she gets home after i pick her up from school i have a few minutes before my husband gets home bfore i have to rush to work to not be late.
She reads her own books everynight she's a great reader but the teacher will ask her if mommy read to you she'll say no because i was at work even though she read a book to herself.

Answer 1

Wow it seems no one is actually reading what you said.
They keep telling you to skip that one show and read to her or you're awake 18 hours of the day so spend 10 percent to read to her..hello people she clearly said she works nights so she's not home to read to her and if she was home she WOULD. The 18 hours your home part people the child is in school have that day how can she read to her then...then the other half she's working there's no time in that day to read give her a break.

I say what you're doing is fine doubling up on your nights off more than most parents would do in your situation.
Working parents do have it tough ignore some of these comments your getting and please pull over if you're feeling sleepy behind the wheel and godbless happy holidays not everyone is against you...could be worse you could be a drugged up mom on welfare with all the time in the world to read to her and is not taking advantage of it you're doing the best you can just believe that and you'll be fine.

one more thing i just noticed it says you work til 12:30 a.m and is up again at 6:30 you didn't include how long it takes you to get home from work say you get off at 12:30 and home by 1:00 and atleast minimum of 30 minutes to wired down to be able to fall asleep i say my hat goes off to you ;-)

Answer 2

As you already know, the teachers just want to see your child succeed and excel. They aren't asking for too much. Do you have a bed time routine? I'm sure you have some sort of a routine so add that in there. You don't even need to read to her--she could read a book to you or your husband. It would help her greatly. After your husband gives her a bath, get her pajamas on, and read for twenty minutes. I know it seems like there are so many other things you want to do but she's the priority.

Looking over your question, I think your husband and you need to get some better time management. Is there any way you can change your work schedule? What time does your husband go to work and get home? Is there any way you can give up a little so you only have to work part-time while she's at school? What about chores? Is there anyway you can consolidate chores so you only spend a half hour a day on them? Really look at your routine, see where you can improve.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is while I know you are working hard you really need to make time for your daughter. The school isn't asking too much. When I was in school the teachers asked the same amount of participation or more. With better time management, team work with your husband, and a good night's sleep I'm sure you'll be able to manage. It's not the school or teacher's fault--they just want the best for your child.

If you need some more advice or tips check out flylady.net and other 'routine' based sites--heck even write me and I'll try to help you create a better schedule. Best of Luck!

Answer 3

I empathize. It sounds like you have a crazy schedule. But I'd definitely read to her whenever you possibly can ... reading aloud has an amazingly positive impact on kids' success at school (even if she's already a good reader, since she can understand books that are even harder than she can read to herself, and that's where she'll pick up new vocabulary, etc.). Maybe your husband could read to her while she's in the bathtub? Or right when she gets into bed? If your schedules really don't work out that you can read to her every day, could you borrow some books on tape from the library that she could listen to? maybe when you're driving her to or from school? or at least set a time when she can read to herself. ultimately, i'd rather have the house a little messier and make time for reading on a daily basis. if you can dust or vacuum less often, for example, it's well worth it for the time you can spend reading.....

sorry the teacher is not being a little more helpful in terms of giving useful suggestions rather than just making you feel bad.

Answer 4

I think this is one of those "damned if you do", "damned if you don't" type of subjects/questions.
Yes, teachers expect more from parents nowadays for many reasons. Many teachers (if not most) are not paid overtime and are expected to leave the school as soon as the end of day bell rings. So they aren't always accessible to our children after class or after school. The school systems claim that they have more information to teach our children, versus what we learned in school. I don't dispute that. However, at least in public schools, the days have become shorter and there are more teacher workdays, vacation days and general days off. There seems to be, in my opinion, less structure and order in the classrooms today than there used to be. Kids (even in the elementary school level) don't have the same subjects or same schedules daily. There is no PE daily (it's weekly at my son's school), so kids don't have a healthy outlet to stretch and let off steam. Instead, they are expected to sit at desks all day and concentrate and learn. Instead of doing that, I believe by not having the break of PE, they are more disruptive, less receptive and cause more backtracking and repeating of information from the teacher.
As far as your situation goes, I don't know why the teacher would get snarky with you, unless she's had problems with other parents not reading or stressing the importance of reading to their kids. While I do agree that 20 minutes isn't much time, I do understand where you and your husband are coming from. When you work crazy, hectic schedules and have to check homework, cook dinner, clean up and get bathtime going before bed, sometimes 20 minutes seems like an hour. I would suggest reading to your daughter while she bathes - - is that possible? It might not be 20 minutes, but it might be 10 and that's better than nothing. And check out your local library and/or book stores - -many of them have reading time for children on Saturday mornings. That might help too.
Best of luck to you! You sound like a great mom!

Answer 5

I have to be honest - I started off very defensive about this. I'm not a teacher but I hear parents whine about things they are just plain not WILLING to give to their children.

You are not that parent. I had to let that sink in. It's very easy for others to think about their own situation and try to fit you in that role. My children (3) are all in grade school. I'll be honest - -I have 6 hours in the afternoon with my kids. We're very fortunate because at our school, homework is given on a Monday and not due until Friday - because they know that home life is very important and some nights you can't even open a book. They require (ask) that you read a certain amount of minutes a week. If it's with a child that can't read, then you read with them. If it's with a child that can read, they can read alone.

I'm very sorry that this teacher is writing you nasty notes. It's not right. Perhaps you can write her a letter explaining what you told us - but not in a confrontational way. Explain that the bottom line is that you care about your child and their education - but that you can only deal with reality and the reality is that some things have to be done on YOUR timeline.

Perhaps - just perhaps - you could record yourself reading a book on tape? So when she reads a book, she can hear you reading with her? When it's time to turn the page, do a "ding" or ring a bell. But this seems a little over the top considering that your child seems to be thriving academically.

I know that reading to your child is important - I see the kids who struggle because their parents have the time but JUST DON'T care. Let your teacher know that you aren't one of those people but that you have to be able to work together for the betterment of your daughter. And that the notes aren't helping the situation.

Perhaps you can have her read you a book on the way to/from school? That way, you "read" it with her technically.

I hope you get this resolved.

Answer 6

I think parents expect to much from teachers these days. It isn't their job to raise your kids. How sad that you can't find 20 minutes a day to read to your 7 year old child. Part of being a parent is making time to be with your kids. It's not like the teacher is asking you to read for an hour. We are all busy. If you can't find time to read to your daughter, then you need to have someone else do it. I do plenty of things with my children when I'm tired. I'd read to my child before I worried about doing housework. Housework will always be there and your child can actually help with that. Children are only children for a short time. Before you know it she'll be grown and gone. Just make the reading part of the bedtime routine.

Answer 7

I don't understand why the teacher has a problem with this if your daughter is reading to herself every night. In our school at that age parents are asked to read to their children for 15 or 20 minutes every night to improve their reading skills and to instill a love of books. It sounds like your daughter is doing fine since she is reading to herself every night.

Yes, your daughter's education is important and part of the responsibility of being a parent. However it sounds like she's doing fine and the teacher is out of line to send rude comments home. Is there a way you could talk to her about it? Say at her next conference?

Answer 8

It's twenty minutes a day? That's all?

Yes, you and your husband are tired, but there is nothing strenuous about reading a bedtime story. Skip a television show and have her go to bed twenty minutes early and then whoever is home, sit with her in bed and read her an age-appropriate book. Reading before bed is calming and a great time for togetherness.

Don't forget that "the roof over your head" will not collapse if you take this time to read to your daughter. If you are awake for 18 hours a day like you say, then 20 minutes is ONE percent of your day. This is what you signed up for when you decided to be a parent. Same goes for the expenses.

Answer 9

Please remember that teachers are under alot of pressure to perform these days. With high stakes testing and everything teacher have alot to do to make sure that the children meet the standards that have been set for the grade. As a parent, you should be helping the teacher educate your child in any way possible. I realize you're busy but you are your childs best chance at success. You not only set an example for your child by insisting that school work is important but you can set the bar for your child's future goals by working with your child and providing a nuturing and educational environment at home.

Answer 10

Here in Kindergarden through first grade to read to their parents 20 minutes a night, unless the child can't read. Then the parent reads to them. Second through eighth grade they just have the children keep a reading log and expect the parent to sign off on it to verify that the child has read (basically if you've seen your child reading, you can sign it.)

I don't understand why your child couldn't just read on her own or read to you. You should send a note explaining to the teacher that because your child can read, there is no reason for you to read to her. She can read on her own or to you, depending on what you like (to keep on good terms with the teacher you should probably have her read to you.) Try to find any time during the day that you are free and your daughter is around to get in that twenty minutes of her reading to you. It's better for her to read on her own. (Make sure to stress that to the teacher, I don't know why a teacher wouldn't let a child read by herself.)