Is it right to blame parents?

Question

In this day and age, it seems that the children in society are becoming more rebellious against the parents. Children have always been rebellious, it's their nature. But now it seems like they have gone the extra step and are blaming parents for a lot of their problems. Do you think this is right?

I am not a parent yet, but I grew up in a disfunctional family that abused me. All my life I have been told to respect them. To love them. To honor them. But I can' t help feeling that they don't deserve it.

So my question is, do all children really need to respect and "love" their parents even if the parents don't deserve it? Also, is it okay for children to blame their parents for circumstances beyond their control? Or is doing this just a coverup that children use for their own insecurities?

Answer 1

There is no reason for you to continue in any association with your parents if you feel that way. it might be awfully good for you, however, to consider some counseling to deal with your feelings BEFORE you become a parent yourself. You will also discover that you have conflicting feelings because your parents, for good or ill are yet a part of you and you'll learn you have an unresolved love-hate issue to address. Part of that is being driven to want approval from people you don't like, and it's really a very difficult matter to overcome.

As for blaming parents for things over which they have no influence, it's relatively common but a waste of emotion. If you are able to get past the need to blame at all, you'll be happier.

Good luck and remember the great French slogan, "L'audace! toujour l'audace!" That basically means onward and upward and ignore those great gosh-awful Krupp steel cannon behind the hills.

Answer 2

This is a good question.. I go both ways with this.. In a way it is parents fault that most of these children today are out of control because most of these parents had they children at an early age. Like 14 years old are younger what could a child teach a child. But as children get older they should be able to recognize wrong from right because it does not take a rockets scientist to figure that out. Children these days just dont's give a damn. And yes, alot do blame parents and there are some great parents out there that work hard and send they childrens to the best schools etc.
Growing up for me was horrible because my father was a child molester and my mother supported him. I am older now and I do not let it get too me because I have children of my own that I need to raise and I do the best that I can.

Answer 3

I think kids have always been rebellious, but not out of control. I guess it would depend on how far you go back. Many children now are being raised without one of their parents and cost of living has risen so much that most families have 2 parents working. There isn't really anyone to keep a constant eye on what kids are doing. There are also a lot of lazy parents who don't take control of their children so those kids go crazy.

Abusive households are probably more common than most people think, and I'm sure they have always been around. Before recently though not many people talked about it. Some people have different crosses to bear and it's about becoming a productive adult and utilizing all the counseling and support groups available to the public if you feel there are lingering issues. So no, you don't have to respect abusive parents, but you don't have to let their mistakes ruin your whole life.

Answer 4

I don't think abusive parents deserve respect, or much else for that matter. That is the worst thing you can do, to hurt an innocent child, either physically or verbally. Respect must be earned, even for parents. Always remember that.

That said, I think once a child reaches adulthood, they need to take responsibilities for their own actions and life. You can't forever blame your parents, no matter how crappy your childhood was. All you are doing is punishing yourself and everyone around you if you repeat the cycle of your parents. The ultimate gift you can give yourself is to choose to be a better person.

Abusive parents aside.... *most* parents do the best they can.
I love and adore my children to death. I've made mistakes along the way. I hope though my children will see the bigger picture though. We love them and are trying our best to give them the foundation to be a successful and happy adult. I think any parent that puts in an honest effort into parenting and loves their children, deserves respect in return.

Answer 5

We are certainly affected by how our parents treat us, and by what they teach us. Parenting is extremely difficult and not many of us can make a really good fist of it, but all we can do is to try our best. I don't think I was a good father, but on the other hand my son usually makes a point of defending me in the presence of others, and expresses the view that I was a good dad.

My own mother treated me badly in that she was very free with physical punishment and also stressed me out mentally with threats of sending me to a local orphanage, and so I never had a really good relationship with her. My father was too busy to give me much time (therefore in theory a "bad" dad) and yet I always loved him, and did so until the day he died.

I think it is a mistake to blame your parents for any shortcomings you might have yourself. After all, we grow up and we are responsible for our own actions.

Ideally, children should love their parents, and be encouraged to respect them, but the love and respect has to be earned.

I am now in the best of life where, as a Grandparent, I have been given a "second chance".

Answer 6

I'm with you-I grew up in a abusive home and to even think of respecting my father makes me cringe. I don't even give him the time of day now-I haven't spoken to him in years and I never again plan on doing so and that is perfectly fine with me. I'm an adult parent of 3 children and I agree that parents need respect, but not if they don't deserve it. Why should kids that have been abused turn around and respect their parents if they themselves weren't given a ounce of respect as a child? Respect works both ways...

*as a side note, as I matured into adulthood, I forgave my father. After being around him for a while, I realized that he was still up to his old ways abusing any child he could get his slimy hands on and that's when the respect and forgiveness stopped. I gave him that chance once-never again!

Answer 7

It really depends on the situation. I think in your case, they don't deserve respect just because they made a baby, but it's also important to forgive them so that it doesn't ruin your life. For the most part I think too many people blame their parents for everything they do wrong and it isn't right.

Answer 8

Bad things happen to good people all the time. It's how you handle it that determines if you come out on top. I think it's hard to love and respect abusive parents. However, as you mature, I hope you will be able to understand that your parents have serious problems and may have not even realized what they were doing to you. They obviously need help. In that case, you have to learn to resolve the abuse in your mind so it doesn't cloud your ability to become the best person you can be. When the time comes you may or may not be able to forgive them but in the meantime work on you so you can remain emotionally strong to handle what life has to throw at you. Best to you.

Answer 9

The parents are the one who should love and teach their children and by giving them that love they will learn how to love and respect other people including their parents.
Parents shouldn't ask for love from their children, they should deserve it.

Answer 10

Parents have the most influence on their children. But that doen't mean that there are not outside influences also. And the Bible says to obey your parents, but i think that God intended for the parent to also follow the laws and not to abuse thier children.

So, to answer your question, NO, you do not have to love and respect parents that do not love and respect you. But children should not blame their parent for something beyond thier parents control.