How to handle this?..10pts. to best answer!?

Question

Why do I feel this way?..Any ideas on how to get over it?..?
I have a friend who I have not spoken to in over 11 months now due to her lack of interest as a friend & questioning me on something she felt she did have to apologize for. I vowed unless she made the first move, I would not talk to her. But out of now where subtly apologized sending me a gift via online, a flower. She had no message with it. I resent her the same gift saying "Thanks for the flowers." We both are college students; live in different states. I do want to get back to talking to her via aim, as thats how we communicate best. But every time I get on,***** I can't seem to send her a message, I'm just afraid history will repeat itself. She also knows I'm available, but won't do the first move. *I never told her I was mad, I just ignored her on aim & eventually she got the hint, she so sent the gift as an apology to "amend" the friendship, *it's my take thats the logic behind it. Any ideas on how I should be with her/if I should do it ?.

*I can SEND her a message anytime I get on, but I can't seem to do it
*I never ignored her on aim when she chatted with me, but since I alwats initiated the conversation, I stopped and she never bothered to go first.

Answer 1

You were always the active one to initiate conversation and she was always the passive one willing to respond to conversation, but never one to inititate it. You should not now expect her to initiate or assume bad stuff because she is being passive as she always has been. Good friends will speak up honestly when they care for you and that is part of why you should stay in contact with her. An example is another person on answers was asking for advice for her 12 year old friend who was seeing a 21 year old guy. I think it was perfectly fine for this girl to say something negative. Of course we aren't perfect, so sometimes we will mean well but say the wrong thing or provide advice at the wrong time. I would forgive her for that. She also made the first step to apologize. The vow you made earlier may have been the right thing to do, but now she has made the first move, so you should talk to her. Initiate another conversation again like you always did and you can start off with your feelings on the situation, like "thanks for the flowers, they really lifted my spirits and our friendship" you could add why you were hurt like if she accused you of something when she only knew of the situation but did not know of the facts that justified your behavior or maybe that is just one area where the two of you have different opinions. Then move on to the other stuff you ladies normally talk about.

Answer 2

Hopefully what transpired between the two of you , with the flower and gift incident, you both have learned a lesson from this situation. Give it another shot and if this problem keeps on coming up then you need to move forward. You two need to get together and discuss the seriousness of communication....Think before you say or write things. If you treat her like you would like to be treated, it will be OK except she has to do the same...P.S.When you do write or talk to her next, drop the past don't mention the flowers or gift, move on......

Answer 3

Hey there.
You could just email and say sorry for not chatting to you in such a long time. Then explain your reasons, hopefully have a laugh about (it's been 11 months!) and be friends again. I know it's sounds pretty simple (in writing) but i think it can be as simple as you want it to be.
If you say sorry i am sure she will also apologize too. Arrange to meet up maybe? You can then talk and have a laugh at how silly you have both been. :o) You will end up having a stronger friendship which is always nice.

Answer 4

Apparently this is important to you and if it's still bothering you, then you need to deal with it. By dealing with it, you either re-establish a relationship you seem to want or you make peace with it and get on with life. Look, even the best of friends have a falling out now and then. We need to choose our battles. When something seems really important at the time, it loses it's importance over time. Draft a response - write out what you would like to say to her - get it all out of your system. Then decide what part is critical to you. If what happened is no longer all that important, and you really want to re-establish the relationship, simply write something like this: "I know we've had our differences in the past, but you're important to me and I'd like to be friends again. Are you up for it? I miss you." Just send it and that's that. If she responds in a positive manner, great; if not, at least you tried. Good luck!

Answer 5

This is a true story. One of my girlfriends from high school and I had always been very close and then we both moved but still kept in touch, then life happens you get busy and before long it had been 11/2 years before I talked with her. I kept saying to myself I will get to it this weekend and never did. She was killed in a car accident and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wish I could go back in time and change it. And we were not angry with one another. The point is life is so short and can change on a dime. Hope this gives you a small bit of insight. Make the best of each day you never know when it is your last. Good luck.

Answer 6

You know, you've taken friendship to an all-new low. Nowhere in your message is any indication that you have any desire to actually be FRIENDS with this other student. This tentative cyber-communication you've got going with her is NOT real communication, you know. It's fake communication. She sends you a cyber-flower -- SO WHAT? It's a click of a button. You decide not to "talk" to her -- the cyber equivalent of snubbing someone.

Stop the damn games. Either you want to be friends with her or you don't. Stop wasting her time and yours trying to play mind-games or power games on who is the most subtle or clever, what do they want, etc. Life is too short, and there are too many interesting people out there in the world to be friends with, to learn from, and to enjoy. If you want to resume your friendship, pick up your cell phone and CALL HER. Carry on a meaningful conversation with another human being that doesn't involve typing, cyber-pictures and cute little acronyms like BFF, etc. If THAT'S too much trouble, then that's your answer -- you've moved on.

Answer 7

Its because you feel more for this relationship then what its worth. So ether you treat for what it really is, a shallow acquaintanceship your TRING to turn into a genuine friendship, or you let go of this because there is no future to it. Lets just say you feel deep-down, you deserve more then what shes giving to you, hard things for a person to say, but extremely easy to feel, such is the nature of relationships......

Answer 8

i think you should just do aliitle gesture just to kinda let her know, that you could be frinds again, just like a lil note saying 'up to anything latly' ro rsomething just to kinda encourage her and if still doesnt then maybeyou should make the first move but just make it clear to her that you didnt like what she did and stuff.....hope that helped;)