My bf is always gone, now he wants a hotel to give me space??

Question

Ive been irritated for a while since going back to work 8hrs. a day. then our house is not always clean. im painting our kids bedrm then tending to our infant child. all these things makes me stressed & so my bf is getting the raft of it all and now he's gone all the time away from the home cause he says im always irritated and i direct it towards him as if he's the blame for all my stress. but he's not, its just that im not super woman and i need help around the home. he told me today that he will get a hotel to stay out of my way, first of all he's gone all the time, then mentioning that he'll give me some space by getting a hotel!! the first thing im thinking is that he's cheating!! why would he say that? i mean we have a home!! go and sleep on the couch if it's that serious to you, why do you need a hotel?? im very suspicious and im hurt to think that my man is up to something terrible. im just so tired of dealing w/ men in these pointless relationships, what should i do??

Answer 1

why don't you ask him to paint the room or watch the kids while you paint.
Quit trying to do it all.
Your relationship is suffering and you are both miserable.
set aside a day he is off and share the load...
don't be so afraid to let go of some of the control.
You will both be happier.
I don't think he is cheating, I think he is running away from the person who you have become....
You need to take some time to get rid of some of your stress... after supper, go to the gym, or go for a long walk by yourself or with a friend....
you need to take care of you, or this is going to continue......

Answer 2

Hi Kat, a man here, sorry about that, but blame my Mother not me, I didn't get to pick my sex, just my partner, and your partner and you both need to sit down and talk to each other before this goes any further and does harm to your relationship.

A few things wrong in your life is not the end of the world. No your not super woman, but you had the baby, and you have a home and know it takes time to clean and keep up. Stress is only being caused by lack of planning on your part at this time, but the BF is not the best of both worlds, it is only a stop gap for a real husband with a comment to you and the kids and the home and job. Why short yourself on the real deal, if your going to play house, do it for real.

You two need to talk about the home, the child and yes the relationship and what it is and where is it going. Being hurt or suspicious over ones actions is not a good feeling and can cause you to be more tired and less organized.

I don't mean to sound hard on you but your a mother now and not a little girl that can take the i got stress out look and fall apart. Your child needs you 24/7 and maybe the BF doesn't! If so, it's time to really clean the house.

Good Luck in life, and with that child, lots of sleep!
johnny

Answer 3

Stop shoving the raft down on him. Consider your options; is it better to have the house always clean and pretty or have your man at home in love with you? Put yourself in his shoes; if he was always nagging, nit picking, pointing out all the flaws, etc at you; wouldn't you want to stay away from him? If this nuisance behavior of yours don't end soon, you may even drive him into the arms of another woman and then where will you be? A hotel room is bliss for someone trying to escape an abusive/unhappy relationship. Couch is not much comfort when he knows you can still come over to him and badger him some more or hear your vocal frustrations. What you should do is change your ways, keep your mouth shut and suck it up and do the best you can and be nicer to him and definitely apologize for your unacceptable behavior towards him and when you're calm and collected, tell him that you're overwhelmed with all the responsibilities and ask him for help nicely. You don't have to paint the bedroom; you could ask him nicely to do that for the kids.

Answer 4

You really need him to help around the house.It would lower your stress level. I know that when you are up tight, you seem to be edgy with everyone but think about the approach that you are using. If someone is grumpy and telling you off, you surely wont want to be around them. Try talking in a nice manner to him and explain that you're not super woman and if you are working, the house work should be shared.It's good to know now what he will be like if you get married then later. You might want to reconsider a future if he is not pulling his weight!
It is a bit unusual to stay in a motel. A friends or couch is the usual hang out when there's a disagreement. Maybe just show up there out of the blue or do a drive by and check it out...

Answer 5

Maybe If you give him some of the responsibilities around the house now that the two of you are working, that may help ease the tension between the two of you. Why are you doing all of this stuff by yourself in the first place? He only gets away with what you allow him to, feel me? In my opinion, he needs to man up and be supportive for the sake of the WHOLE family. Instead of blowing up on him all the time, be honest and let him know HE IS TO BLAME FOR SOME OF YOUR STRESS. He could be doing more to help out, but, he chooses to leave and be gone all the time. That's not stressful? GURL SHTOP!!

Anyway, I could go on...

I said all of that to say this, keep it real with him, from your heart. DON'T SPARE ANY FEELINGS. His reaction(s) will be all you need to decide what you should do. Seems to me that you two have been doing everything but COMMUNICATING; so, now is the time to lay it all on the table.

Fell me?

Answer 6

I would definelty voice your concerns to him. Dont' accuse him of cheating, but I would tell him you don't mean to be irritated at him that you just feel stressed with everything going on and could use some extra help around the house to eliviate this. That with his help and understanding things will get much better, and that by him wanting to leave that only stresses you out more and makes you think something else might be going on. If he isen't willing to talk it out and help you and still wants to leave then he isne't worth it, and chances are there is someone else or at least an interest. You need to make yourself happy, and if he isen't happy then you will both be miserable. But you need to give it a shot first beofre assuming the worst or giving up. I hope it works out!

Answer 7

idk the situation but I say, dont expect the worse just yet. Maybe he's going through some stuff too that he doesnt want to tell u about. Men are stupid with telling how they really feel. You all just need to talk, go out have some alone time. see if a friend or relative can watch the kids and go visit him at that hotel. But if he is cheating, Act like ure fine and wait a couple months to EFF him up, that way, hopefully they wont suspect it was you. Good luck! (pray on it)

Answer 8

Maybe you should talk to him and pick a time where the two of you can be alone to calmly discuss what is really bothering you. There should be no blaming, yelling, screaming, cursing, or pointing fingers. Just express what you two are feeling and why. The most important is to let each other say all that is on your minds without interrupting each other. Then you may be able to start working things out. Hope I helped.

Answer 9

He is blaming you and this is his way of leaving the situation behind him instead of trying to figure out how he can help you. Either sit down and have a heart to heart now or he will be gone for sure.
There is no commitment on his end of this deal you have is there? I don't think he is as committed to the whole family, home, work as you are. He's not committed now by leaving all the time and this is his way of saying I'm not going to commit to this either.

Answer 10

Let him go. You are obviosly upset because he does not pull his weight around the house. I would be too. I am a single mother and I painted my whole house by myself. Its no easy task. its a mans job. The difference is you have a man there that will watch you do all this alone. you don't need a spectator you need a team mate. let him leave and put his *** on child support, he'll do anything you want then. god bless.