At first i could put up with it but now its really starting to upset me an frustrate me. Whenever my boyfriend says demeaning/nasty/downputting things or laughs in my face or down the phone at me when we are arguing....he says stuff like "u aint been out with a black guy before u dont know how we get down...if u cant handle it go back to ur white boys" "kiss my black ***" "thats the way black guys are" etc. Amongst other pathetic things. Now this has only begun in the past month more recently. And please note we have been together for a year an his behaviour with this has become rlly awful! Im 19...hes 23. I would have expected more from a guy that age. An now its causin me to become distressed an hes like "whats the big deal" "why u gettin worked up" etc etc. It feels like im fighting a losing battle thou I really love him, Im not sure what happened to my boyfriend. What can I do to get it into his head that he can't treat/talk to me like this? Or am I being stupid?
2007-11-27 03:12:07 · 30 answers · asked by JSPADEx 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Time to move on girl!! He is dropping hints and obviously doesnt take your relationship seriously and more than likely wants out. He is just too chicken sh** to do it himself, so he is trying to make you do the deed. I say give him what he wants and get on with yor life, who wants to be treated like that.
2007-11-27 03:17:27 · answer #1 · answered by Zodiack 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am very sorry that you are going through this... I am ashamed for your boyfriend due to the fact that he is using the fact that he is black for his nasty behavior.. He is trying to give all black people not just black men a bad rep. Not all black men act like this my dear... U need to open up your eyes.. He is acting that way because he probably has low self esteem.... And he knows a strong black female would not take that crap from him. Stand up for yourself don't allow him to treat you this way... Be strong and put your foot down... A true man whether you are black or not don't act the way your boyfriend is acting... Only little boys do and this is why he is acting that way... He has not grown up yet... When you find a real man you will see how you are suppose to be treated... It does not seem as if he loves you..U don't abuse the ones you love whether physically or mentally.. Please think about your relationship!You sound like a good person, and you are way to young to be dealing with this kind of behavior... . Also, Not All Black Men Act Like That... I repeat Not All Black MEN Act Like That... Your boyfriend is a boy... Leave his ***! You can do better than that!!
2007-11-27 03:40:04 · answer #2 · answered by Diva 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first off thats no way to act, don't care who you are or what race. My younger brother is black(adopted), still he grew up with me(white). I mean yeah my brother pretend/joke to be like (I'm black and I know it, crap but he is laughing and giggling about it the whole way) but he comes right down off that when people are serious about color and trys to point out no one is better then the other. It isn't cause your bf is black its he think he is higher because of his color, course there are many out there that do that but thats no reason. Please dump him, you'll get better respect from someone else that cares for you. There are black guys, and I can say any race or color guy out there that will respec you better. he isn't being a bf.. they would care about hurting you and saying things like that. I hope for you the best.
2016-05-26 02:53:13 · answer #3 · answered by krystle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a black man, I am embarrassed at the fact that he is using his ethnicity has an excuse for his pathetic, arrogant, childish behavior. Not all black man act this way and if he wasn’t lacking in intelligence he would know this. On behalf of all of the respectful black men out there, I’m sorry that you are going through this ordeal. The disrespect of women acted out by some of my brothers is a problem that is not getting any better.
Now, it’s obvious that he is putting you down and disrespecting you because he doesn’t like himself. He doesn’t have the intelligence to look within himself and work out some of the issues he has going on. Guys like that are self-destructive and when they go down, they tend to try and bring the rest of the world down with them.
What you need to do is dump this ignorant, arrogant, self-loathing idiot and just do you. Don’t let this guy make you unhappy. Remember, misery loves company and if he sees that he has control over your emotions, he will run with it because he wants you to feel as bad about yourself as he does about himself.
In addition, regardless of one’s ethnicity, respect is universal and should never be compromised or sacrificed. Demand respect regardless of who you are with. If a man has respect for himself, he will respect you.
Good luck and keep your head up.
2007-11-27 03:57:25 · answer #4 · answered by dreed2667 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Being black has nothing to do with being mean. Mean men come in all colors and I suggest you take a good look at this man before you profess your undying love for him. You've been together for a year, but that doesn't really matter if it's a bad relationship. If you don't like the way he talks to you, tell him, and if he doesn't change, then it's up to you not put up with it anymore. If that means breaking up, then so be it. You can always get another boyfriend, one that'll have more respect for you.
2007-11-27 03:20:17 · answer #5 · answered by prissytwin 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you are being stupid, but I would like to remind you that we teach people how to treat us. It sounds like you may not be excersising any boundaries with him in the relationship. He lacks a certain respect for you that keeps a relationship healthy and strong. You need to set some boundaries for yourself and let him know that he can no longer talk to you or treat you like this, and you must be prepared to follow through with some sort of action if he continues to treat you in this way. Never allow a man to disrespect you but in the same token, don't disrespect him either. If you love each other there should already be respect in the relationship and it sounds as if somewhere that respect has been lost. Try and relocate it and bring it back. Good luck and value yourself enough to not allow him to treat you like this anymore
2007-11-27 03:18:36 · answer #6 · answered by ?? yaddajean ?? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you see this as unacceptable behavior you are not being stupid. If you tolerate it then I'm afraid that may be so. Being black is not a legitimate excuse or even relevant to the issue. Not all black men behave that way and certainly not ones that respect their women.
If you are to respect yourself you cannot continue to tolerate that type behavior. If he does or says something demeaning you have to confront him immediately on the spot and let him know it is unacceptable and you will not tolerate it. It is completely up to you how you are going to be treated.
I wish you all the best in your relationship and even more so strength and resolve.
Cheers.
2007-11-27 03:28:11 · answer #7 · answered by Rumelian 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well people in general will exhibit this type of behavior because they have issues in their own lives that are unresolved, it has nothing to do with color, that's simply an excuse. My advice is to move on to someone who is healthy and doesn't blame his problems on his race, that's ridiculous!
I've seen many couples deal with this and more often than not the person on the receiving end of the bad behavior starts to believe they are worthless when they remain in the relationship. Do not let this happen to you! Leave this guy and allow him to grow up and deal with his own issues, he's in no frame of mind to be a good mate. You can do better!
;-p
2007-11-27 03:22:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are right to be offended by this. His behavior is not a "Black" thing, it's a sexist thing. Men of any color who have class don't treat women that way. I am ashamed of his actions on behalf of all honorable Black men.
As to what you can do to change things, the answer is: nothing. He must choose to change. If he doesn't, you can choose to put up with it, or you can choose to find a man who treats you better. I recommend option 2. And if it just happens to be a Black man who treats you better, bonus.
2007-11-27 03:17:03 · answer #9 · answered by D'archangel 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is treating you like crap. Dump the dog. Who cares if he is black - bad behaviour is bad behaviour. Walk away and he will come crawling after you begging for you to come back. Hopefully you will find a man that treats you well.
2007-11-27 03:16:58 · answer #10 · answered by Pam H 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋