My family is currently going through a lot of struggles right now with my wife being out of the house. She is strugglinh wiht a lot of issues. But my oldes tson seems to be mimmicking the behavior that my wife was portraying inside the house beofre she left. He is very rude...and does not listen well and talks back a heck of a lot. He is ten years old and since mom left he has ben changing drammatically. Anyone ever go thorugh this? I have him in therapy right now. What are some good parenting tips?
2007-11-27 02:27:14 · 14 answers · asked by Javi 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Sorry for the spelling! I was typing faster then I can think. : (
2007-11-27 02:45:31 · update #1
During the issues with your ex, you probably gave more attention for her bad behavior than for her good behavior and your son witnessed this. It is common to take for granted the good things without even a glimpse but when something bad happens, all your focus zooms in. To change your son's behavior, you need to start with yourself. He is simply saying "hey dad..look at me". He gets your attention when he is bad, doesn't he?
Reward good behavior! Rewards are simple. A hug, a pat on the back, share a moment. Your time with your child is the greatest reward you can give.
Stop rewarding bad behavior. Before you say you are not..think about it. When your son is sitting quiet doing his homework, you ignore his good behavior, thereby "punishing him for being good. When he is yelling and throwing a temper tantrum you respond.. rewarding his bad behavior. You see the connection?
You need to change your method. How about tonight, before the tantrums begin you and the kids sit down to a game tournament (you and the youngest against the older). The ones who lose has to pick out what's for dessert! The winners get to pass the treats out. My family and I all have an artistic talent so each of us start to draw a picture, then pass it to the left for the next one to finish the sketch then pass it to the left again for each of us to make a story about it.
Do you have sit down, "everyone at the kitchen table at the same time for dinner" meals? I use this time to get to know my family. When the meal is done, I don't let them rush off. We have "what's been going on" discussions. It is a family tradition that I hope my kids pass on to theirs.
It takes self discipline as a parent to be consistent. Our children merely react to the signals we are giving out to them.
2007-11-28 23:54:13 · answer #1 · answered by peggy m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like he is confused with the change in the family environment. He does not see his mother anymore. He is only 10, too young to think and understand these mature things. All he can do is misbehave with you and siblings if any.
When he is rude with you, do not talk back in the same tone. Be calm. He will definitely take time to adjust to the current family arrangement. But eventually come to terms, if treated the way 10 year olds are treated. Good Luck !!!
2007-11-27 10:41:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Talk to your son about what is going on with his mother as best you can. Don't try to hide the facts from him (although you need to tell him what is appropriate for his age).
Tell your son that it is okay to be angry and unhappy about what is going on, but that it is NOT okay to talk back and be rude. Help him cope with and express his feelings about the situation.
Your son may be upset with you thinking you could have done something differently with regards to his mother. If he is right, you need to admit to him your mistakes and let him vent. If there was nothing you could have done to help his mother, then let him know that.
You don't want to isolate your son or make him feel like he cannot vent his feelings and thoughts to you. You DO need to get through to him the PROPER way to express feelings, thoughts and emotions. You may have to help him identify what he is feeling. Sometimes kids that age can't come up with a name for the emotions being felt. You can help him with that. Keep the lines of communication open and teach him acceptable ways to deal with his feelings.
Hope this helps.
2007-11-27 10:50:52 · answer #3 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a strong parent and require more of him. Your wife acted that way because she never gew up enough to not act that way. You want him to not be like that, but to be better. So you require it out of him.
Theres a difference between sympathy and making excuses. There are reasons why children act certain ways. Either because they saw their parents do it, and now theyre copying them, Or they tried something and were allowed to do it. Going through a hard time in life doesnt change the fact that you still require their growth and development to be good, and not poor.
You have to be more careful, but you still have to be just as consistent and serious as ever.
2007-11-27 10:31:44 · answer #4 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's just acting out.
What ever you do, never speak poorly of his mother.
Tell him you understand how he feels
and you will do your best to give him everything you can
and if he ever needs to talk you are always ready to listen to him.
he desperately misses his mum and wishes everything was back the way it was.
tell him you miss mummy too.
Tell him it's not his fault.
Sometimes kids blame themselves.
They think if only i'd done this or that mummy would still be here.
Try not to get mad with him.
2007-11-27 10:37:10 · answer #5 · answered by Jesusa 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Explain it's ok to have feelings but you are on the same side. Ask him does he have any ideas that can make things better. Tell him ok you will give them a try. Include him in the answer.
2007-11-27 10:32:45 · answer #6 · answered by reeree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do your best. Ask God to make you the parent your children need. My mother always sayes that kids feel safe in a enviroment where they know the boundries. Show him what is acceptable behavior but do not expect a "perfect kid". I can imagine he is pushing to see how you react. Remind him that you are not going anywhere.
2007-11-27 10:37:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
make sure he keeps busy, sports, extracurricular school activities, chores, give him some responsibility and empower him, or at least make him feel empowered. avoid power struggles if possible. When you get the "Why should I?" response answer him why it is necessary, if he continues to be difficult tell him you have already explained it to him and explain that there will be consequences for not following your wishes. Make sure any consequences he has are given to him quickly, directly, and fitting.
2007-11-27 10:34:45 · answer #8 · answered by anonomama 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My son is starting to rebel because he lives with his grandparents and dad.The grandparents love my son and discipline him with taking away his favorite things and activities.If that don't work then I suggest you either get one of two books Nanny 911 or Love and Logic.They truly do work.Good Luck !!!!!!!!!!
2007-11-27 12:16:09 · answer #9 · answered by Princess D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you are there for him, Mom has deserted him and its hard for a kid to except that. You are doing the all right things, hang in there.
2007-11-27 10:58:24 · answer #10 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋