My 15 year old daughter just returned from MI after visiting her grandmother and father for the holiday. She is really missing them and keeps saying that she hates staying in the state where we live. She is not focused on her studies and her mind is with them. She said that she cried the night before she came back and told her grandmother that she did not want to come back.
She lived with her father from age 10 to 15. She just moved here a few months ago. I understand her feelings, but don't know what to do. It hard moving when you are in high school, but I had no choice because I could not see myself reuniting with her father. I don't know what to do when she expresses these feelings.
Now, her Dad has vacation and wants to spend more time with her. He does not know that we are living in an apartment. He thinks that we are still living with my parents. He wants to come and visit over the holidays and has asked me two times. I don't know how to respond.
2007-11-27 00:51:41 · 7 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Stareyes, you aren't responsible for your daughter's feelings. You can't make her feel better. In that self-absorbed 15-year-old brain of hers, she's just going to have to figure out how to make the best of her situation -- which isn't so bad, if she'd take a moment to sit down and be grateful, instead of wishing for what she can't have. You've given her lots of sympathy and compassion up to this point, but it's time for a little tough-love, now. Do you understand that the more you sympathize with her, the more credibility you are giving her desire to be back with her dad? It's a vicious circle.
What to say? "I understand why you feel that way, but it doesn't change anything." End of discussion. Her father doesn't want her back, he couldn't handle her. Does she understand that? Nothing is going to change, unless you and he agree that she moves back with him.
Your living arrangements are none of your ex's business, as long as you are providing a safe and healthy environment for your daughter. What difference does it make where you are living? You don't think your daughter has already told him that you and she live in an apartment? Does your custody agreement address who has custody of her during holidays? If it is clear, then ask that he abide by it and not interfere with your holiday time with her -- he had Thanksgiving uninterrupted, now it's your turn. If the custody agreement doesn't cover it, then you'll have to decide how you want to handle it. Personally, I wouldn't want to cheat my daughter of a chance to see her dad over the holidays if he was willing to come and see her (and stay in a hotel, come at a time that I specified was convenient, and as long as he was civil to me.) If you think he's going to be abusive and rude to you in front of your daughter, then you can choose not to meet with him -- he can pick up and meet your daughter at her grandparent's home and you can avoid him entirely.
2007-11-28 05:44:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!!!!!!!!!!! A visit form the X- I don't think so- not at least at your apartment. I can't believe you didn't tell him that you had your own place but none the less your home is just that YOURS and he definitely does not belong there other than picking up your daughter. You are really going to have to think this Thur kiddo- not telling is kinda like a awhile lie- your going to have to come clean no matter what the consequences. Five years is along time for anyone- but she is now approaching 16 and needs to have some coping skills-tell her this is not forever and she will eventually graduate and move but for now living with you is definitely the best thing for her. As for not focusing on her studies she needs to concentrate and you need to reinforce the fact that her education is her ONLY RESPONSIBILITY. Is all on her. Eventually things will work out for the best but in the in term you need to be honest with your X about your home and too remember he has no place other than to pick her up at your HOME.Stareyes- there is alot of advise about letting her return - please do not be discouraged, those with advise of let her return do not know the facts. Right here if you need to contact me.
2007-11-27 13:33:09 · answer #2 · answered by sylviavnpttn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should let him visit. He's her Dad and hes had her for so long. you never mentioned that he was a bad father.
And on the move ... why did you go so far from the family she was raised with? That has to be hard for her. You seem to care a great deal about how your Daughter feels just be sure she knows that you care about what she's going threw and that you had to do what you think is best.
2007-11-27 09:04:09 · answer #3 · answered by texasmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She misses her dad because she lived with him for 5 years....where were you during that time...did she have a relationship with you then? She is going through an adjustment right now...understandably so. If he is a good father (and he seems like he is) then you should do what is best for her and let her live with him and go back to the place she knows and be the the friends she must have left behind when she moved to your state.
2007-11-27 09:20:48 · answer #4 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is just one of a long series of questions that you have asked on the same subject and it sounds like it is time to throw in the towel.
Your daughter isn’t happy, your ex-husband isn’t happy, and you are not happy. You may want to be with your daughter but it isn’t working and you need to cut your losses before you cut your sanity. During the Christmas break you need to return your daughter to your ex-husband and her old life or the two of them are going to continue to make you miserable.
2007-11-27 18:56:31 · answer #5 · answered by Dan S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't keep her from being with her dad, she will end up hating you.
2007-11-27 09:30:32 · answer #6 · answered by cooter726 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u.should.let.her.go.back.2live.with.him....its.better.4her...get.counseling.and.get.past.the.pain.of.losing.her
2007-11-27 08:57:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋