Do they get mad when you ask them to spend time with the kids? Mine says it is offensive and its saying he is a neglectful father. I say maybe he feels that way, but I never mean it that way, I dont think hes neglectful, he just needs a nudge now & again. Does this cause problems in your house?
2007-11-27 00:45:33 · 10 answers · asked by tricksy_mama 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i have to ask all the time. and i dont feel he's a bad dad or anything close. i just think sometimes he thinks about himself more. he'll go downstairs and watch tv and just leave me and the kids upstairs doing whatever. and i have to say hey the boys want to come down with you. of course he lets them and plays with them, but i wonder why do i have to step in and send them down to have 1 on 1, when he could just as easily take them with him.
he rarely just insists on doing stuff with them i always have to say why dont you take him outside with you, why dont you them to the store with you.
i constantly take everywhere with me and out on play dates. but i have to encourage him to.
(btw we both work full time too) i dont think he's neglectful buthe definately needs encouragment sometimes. He doesn't get too mad if i say "hey can they come down" or "Out in the yard with you." as long as i dont say it like "you never just do stuff with them on your own blah blah"
2007-11-27 03:06:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sorry I answered under the wrong question, under the Dads question. But like I said, I am in a tough situation now. My husband neglects our son and his daughter. He spends no time at all with them. And like I said before, my Dad did the same, and Im not very close to him, me and my mom are best friends but he's like a stranger to me. and its causing alot of problems. Especially since my son has severe Acid Reflux Colic, and allergies, and we think he's developing asthma. Hes only 5 months old. And that Im caring for his 10 year old daughter that is out of control. I have done more than I possibly could for his daughter, and he does not offer any help or spend any time with the kids. Its really affecting our marriage and Im about to leave it things dont change. Im pretty much a single Mom now, with added stress of 2 children(husband and stepdaughter).And honestly, my brothers spend more time with him than his own father. I only wish he was one of those involved fathers, Ive tried to talk to him, but it doesnt change.
2007-11-27 02:35:23 · answer #2 · answered by RAVEN 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you have boys or girls? My husband is great at spending time with the boys (one biologically his, the other two, my son's from before), but when his daughter comes over for her visits, she and I are usually left to do things together.
Sometimes its just about husbands NOT KNOWING how to entertain the kids/play with them. Since the "grown up boys" need to feel entertained when they play also, it can be difficult.
Try giving them a project to do together...preferably one that involves tools, and both should have fun. Or maybe an art project....tell your husband you don't have time to make (anything to send out in the mail to someone on HIS side of the family), and could he do it with the help of the kids?
Good Luck, just remember, when he does little things with the kids....give him praise and an "I love you"...usually he'll do more, because he feels like he's needed and appreciated.
2007-11-27 00:57:50 · answer #3 · answered by Tami 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I never ask him to spend time with the kids. I don't need to. Not any more than he would need to ask me to do it. They are our kids. We are raising them together. He works 3rd shift, I work first - he's the one who's home with them during the day, when they get home from school - he's home now, awake when he'd usually be sleeping while the kindergartener is at school, with the 2nd grader who's sick, while I'm at work.
I do know that both of us take our role as parents very seriously, both really want to do our best at it, both feel vulnerable at times, questioning ourselves & whether we're doing everything right. So, whenever either of us has a suggestion for the other regarding something that they might do differently as a parent, we try to offer the information respectfully and with empathy to the other person's very human, fragile feelings.
2007-11-27 02:37:40 · answer #4 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes! my husband needs to spend more time with our 3 month old but we're so stressed out over money that he's getting neglectful. i just have to be very careful on how i phrase it. it depends on the guy really. maybe you can talk to him about a family night a few times a week that is just family doing something together. that way the kids get to hang with dad, and maybe they'll figure out other things to do together. GL!
2007-11-27 00:52:51 · answer #5 · answered by jenisilly80 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When my ex and I were together our son was 8 months old when we got back together then we split when our son turned 2. So we weren't together for long. I told him constantly to spend time with our son. He changed his diaper ONCE. He took him out for the odd walk once in awhile, not often. ONLY I find out he went to the Beer store. I don't agree with kids going into Liquor Stores at all. I was pisssed mad. He knew I didn't like that. He would be drunk or passed out. I felt like a single mom with my ex to tell you the truth. He did help with grocery shopping and stuff. If he was home and not gone for hours or days. He doesn't pay child support he is in arrears since March 2004. I have a restraining order against him. He isn't allowed to come near us because of his alcohol abuse and drug abuse and assault charges against me. I am glad he isn't around. Like my son needs a role model like that. I was with him on and off for 10 years. I haven't been with him since Feb. 2004. My son is almost 6 now.
I personally think that men that don't spend enough time with their children should do so. Take them to the park, play a game, give them piggy back rides, Males are stronger. I used to love going on my dad's back for piggy rides when I was a child. Dad's really need to put in more effort. Yeah, yeah they work or whatever. So do mom's too, but not all of them. I am a single mother and I work and I spend time with my kid. My kid goes to school during the day all day. He is in Full day Kindergarten. I work during that time. I spend time with my son after school/work. Even at least an hour or 2 after dinner or whatever. Make plans to schedual time with your children father's that are married. or have a steady g/f.
2007-11-27 01:41:33 · answer #6 · answered by Laura 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, if he finds it offensive I'd try another approach. Obviously, the way you're doing it now isn't working. Instead of asking him to spend time one on one with the kids why not tell him, for example, your son has really been wanting to learn a better football throw or something that your kids want to do. Don't ask him to go out and play with him--he'll do it on his own just give him hints [indirectly] about what your kids want to do. He may not be aware of what they like to do.
I used to 'nudge' my husband to spend time with the kids. Then I realized that he doesn't need that. If he's going to spend time with the kids he's going to do it on his own terms. That's fine with me but I let him know what he can do every once in a while.
Another good tip is asking him for help. Don't tell him to help ask for it. Men like to help. Say, again for example, Jimmy is having a hard time with math. I'm really stressed right now, do you think you can help him? Or, Laura needs some help with her bath tonight. I've got a lot to do. I'd love it if you could help me with that. Always be appreciative too!
Also realize that some men think of spending one on one time with kids differently then women. I think of one on one time doing an activity with my son. My husband differs. He'll wrestle, rough house, snuggle, play video games, etc... It took me a while to realize that he IS spending time with him I just don't recongnize it as quality time but it's their time.
As women we have a way of wanting to control everything. It comes naturally. We [this includes me] want to micro-manage our households and feel like nothing would get done if we didn't tell someone to do it. The truth is--it will get done you just have to be patient Most men do find it offensive when we tell them to get something done or do something. It makes them feel like they aren’t doing their jobs and almost knocks their ego. I think it’s silly but I realize it’s the truth. Best of Luck!
2007-11-27 01:07:39 · answer #7 · answered by .vato. 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I've never had to ask him to spend time with our son. He comes home from work, showers, and jumps right in on playing with our son while I finish fixing dinner.
2007-11-27 01:02:20 · answer #8 · answered by .. 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Never. Don't need to!
What I have told my husband is that I won't "protect" him from his own children. If he has a hard day at work and they rush him when he walks in the door, I won't pull them off him. They're happy to see him and he needs to know that.
2007-11-27 00:53:49 · answer #9 · answered by Lyn 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
lay off of him. i rarely have to ask my husband to spend time with out son, i dont need to they play together and cuddle and watch movies together on their own
you bugging him and trying to force the kids on him will push him farther away and cause both the kids and hubby to become very resentful
2007-11-27 01:01:53 · answer #10 · answered by kleighs mommy 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋