Is It Foolish For Me to Fear That I Will Someday Become Evil?

Question

Growing up, I excelled in numerous subjects. I was my parents' pride and joy. Even then, I was afraid that something would one day change me to make me turn my back on my morals and misuse all of the knowledge that I have gained from school.

One of my other fears is that my dad will soon die. He was sick for a while and got better. Still, I wonder what I would do if he did die. He is the main provider for my family, and I'm afraid that something like this would just push me over the edge. In times of anger and hatred, I have seen and discovered a side to myself that scares even me.

Help?

Also, I'm a struggling Christian. I believe in God and Christ but have seemingly lost much of my faith.

Answer 1

It's not foolish. Self-awareness is the beginning of all true moral growth. I think you're doing well. You're probably miles and miles ahead of lots of other people, morally speaking. Lots of people never realize that there is that dark side in all of us. Lots of people I know think that if they deny that side of them, that makes them moral.

I doubt it. It only disguises your dark side instead of allowing you to control it. If it's disguised, then it's way more insidious and harder to manage and subdue.

It will never take over unless you let it. Everybody has anger and hatred. It's just that too many people deny it, and that's when it controls you instead of you controling it. So since you are so strongly aware of it, I doubt that you'll lose control of it and let it get the best of you.

Answer 2

I think I'd be more afraid if you weren't concerned/aware that you might turn to evil someday. We are all prone to evil thoughts, desires, deeds just because we're human, and if you ever forget or deny that, then I think you're well on your way to some serious issues. You don't say if you're religious, but if you are, I would stay in close contact with God through prayer and Bible study. I find that I have the most trouble with anger/temper issues when I have gotten away from God.

As for your fear that your Dad will die, unfortunately, that is a fear that will become reality someday. I was always afraid of what would happen when my parents died. Both are gone now, both rather suddenly and unexpectedly, and yes, there was anger there, still is sometimes. But you get through it, one day at a time. Hopefully there is someone you can talk to about your fears/concerns, and I hope you'll have support in the future as well.

Answer 3

Do you know what is the difference between an innocent guy and a good guy.

If you are innocent then you don't know what 'bad' is. But if you are a good guy, then you know what 'bad' is and you chose not to opt for it. Anger is an emotion that nature has created so as to prompt us to take moves and decisions that is otherwise unfit for the condition. So anger is suppose to bring out the dark side in you. And its the same with everyone. But when and where to unleash that dark side in you should be well under your control. There is nothing wrong in using the destructive power of your anger so as to save the life of your loved ones from someone dangerous. But unleashing the same power on the weaker ones to get your selfish motives satisfied is what will be counted as wrong. So as always the choice is your's. You cannot blame anyone for that.

Answer 4

You yearn for evil or you lack something else?
I think if you worried about abusing items you learned in school you have not learned enough. I would suggest seeking out some books on philosophy in general, something that an give you greater understanding of human nature and the need to do good. Try reading the Torah and Talmud, the Talmud answer every question and more in depth than I.

Answer 5

If your fears are just in passing, that is normal. However, f they are an ongoing thing, you could possibly be suffering from anxiety disorder. To help that fear of not being provided for, you could find employment somewhere (doesn't have to be for much, starting out), which would give you more of a feeling of having some control over your destiny, rather than just being a victim of circumstance.

Answer 6

Perfect love casts out all fear, because fear has torment. God is perfect love and you need to keep your eyes on Jesus and in His Word, the Holy Bible. Put all of the energy that you have into serving the Lord and doing good for mankind.

The anger and hatred is a sign of Satan trying to control you. Rebuke the devil and he will flee. Keep letting the devil know that you follow Jesus and he will quit tormenting.

Without the Lord, we are nothing. We must have Peace with God, Peace with Others and Peace with Ourself.

Answer 7

I think you underestimate yourself. The fact that you have enough compassion to worry about what you might do, in the distant future, tells me that your conscience is fully operational. :-D

Yes, we all do things that we regret. The important thing is to learn from them. You say that when you get angry, you scare yourself. Why do you get angry? What about those moments makes you feel like you're loosing control?

I'm not a licensed therapist, but I can see that you're mature enough to reach out for help. That will give you an edge on any problems you have. *hugs* I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

Rowan, If this is bothering you to the point you need to ask about it, you need to seek help. This is a good start but you need another person that you can meet with. Talk to your mom and dad about these feelings they will want to help you get rid of or learn to deal with them. We all have dark sides that we sometimes don't care to hide. Anger is something we all feel at times but know how to deal with, In fact my oldest son was very angry all the time and we got him a punching bag to hit and beat on when was mad. Do not run from these feelings talk about them with your parents and find out why you are mad. Next talk with your dad about your feeling of his death, we are all going to die one day we have to figure out what people expect from us when they pass on. I lost both my parents when I was young but I live now to honor them.
Most important is that you get the help you need to deal with these feelings. Good luck

Answer 9

We all have leanings toward evil. It just takes an accumulation of, sometimes small, moral errors to make it easier to "slip, slide away." Don't place too much reliance on any one person in your life. You must prepare your mind to go on without them. I think that by asking this question you are on the right track. If you make moral mistakes, forgive yourself and correct them. If you have a religious leader, go to him/her with your problems.

Answer 10

it sounds like you have initiatives within your own mind which you have not fully delt with. it also sounds like youre looking for a reason to be "evil" so that its a justified response.

step one, get over yourself.
step two, get over what people want you to be.
step three, start living a life which you are not trying to hide from your own mind.

simple as that