how do i cope with these facts?

Question

i phoned the mental health helpline earlier, and the lady on the phone was saying it sounds like ive had things very rough in my life......that ive never had the things the majority of people have and take for granted......that id been pushed above and beyond my limit.
how do i cope with that realization that people have done this to me and that ive missed big time?

was she putting salt in the wound, was she rubbing it in, do you think?
i told her that i was 30 had a horrible, traumatic life, that i had borderline personality disorder, that i live alone in a one bedroom flat on benifits.......she said it sounds like all the imput and effort is coming from me and no one is helping me...
i told her id suffered from bullying and victimization the majority of my life....that id never been employed, never been in a relationship....never made any friends...never gained qualifications, all due to my problems
i told her im actively trying to seek help and therapy, but its slow &

not forth coming...

that i live in an area with antisocial youths, that make the area intimidating for me.

that i desperatly want a life, a loving partner, to emigrate near a coastal town, have
a good job...live in my own house.....
but that i was a big disadvantage.....that im clingy..have very low self esteem
which means its very difficult to form relationships or friendships with people.

how am i supposed to handle all this, and the fact the majority of people are
having a nice time in life and have the things that i want, but they take for granted,

and that ive missed out, suffered greatly and always had it difficult & are at
major disadvantages?

guymandude: what do you mean long and hard?- and not an overnight process?
how long do you expect me to wait and be deprived of the life i want and deserve?
which is my right like everyone else.

so take your long and hard elsewhere

Answer 1

Hello (Sybil?),
I am not sure what to call you due to the fact that you are someone else everytime you post for a week or so... Are you afraid of people getting to know you or are you 'multiple personality disorder' rather than 'borderline'?
You have me very frustrated. I have always with everyone tried to help in the best way I can using the experiences that I have been through as guidance. I have experience in every area that you have referred to: even this latest attitude - 'self-pity' or 'who can I blame' bladda, bladda, bladda.
I came to all these questions at an earlier age than you, which is probably why I am a bit discouraged right now. I did not have the access of the internet, Yahoo! Answers, family members that weren't schizophrenic, alcoholic, bi-polar, or just plain goof-nuts.
Maybe had I had all of these things I wouldn't have been beaten in a marriage for ten years, or lost my children due to domestic violence, (still working on that one to get them back), or lived in my car for a year until I didn't sleep for a week out of pure fear and took out a street lamp that was 50 feet high... Being treated like **** happens, to everyone... unless they are born in a utopian like atmosphere. The closest I can think of that is the Amish people in some of the states.
I married a man who I was completely in love with, or so I thought - he broke my back, my heart, left with my baby-cousin, refused to help with any money for the children, I lost my house that my late father put a sizeable downpayment on, my son would tell me (at six years old) lie after lie to get me to let him stay home from school - how was I to know that this was a side-effect of the domestic violence (remember, I thought it was all my fault and I deserved to be beaten, psychologically abused, told I was **** and treated that way), my little beautiful boy was so afraid of daddy coming back to hurt mommy that he did anything he could to stay with me. Thus, state intervention without giving a **** about details, walked in my house and took my six year old boy and my just barely two year old girl.
That is just a very small portion of the last 6 years of my life, everything before that wasn't exactly leave it to beaver either.
One last item, embarrassing as it may be, it is important for me to talk about it, for the more you share the more you can minimize it.
A freind of my husband's wife informed my the my spouse would be over at their house cutting up and having a good time and bragged about how he would mick my diet cokes with 'liquid g', 'the date rape drug', 'rohypnol', ... whatthefuckever. He would then put me in the bathroom and videotape himself basically performing 'necrophelia'. I found a tape with about 1&1/2 seconds of me naked on the bathroom floor and confronted him with it. He said he erased everything. I told him that I even showed his freind's wife and after hearing it from her he looked like he was going to throw up.
Anyway, all of this is to let you know that you can't keep fixing the blame, you have to start fixing the problem. If you have any thoughts of this happening in a day or two you are severely misguided. STOP thinking about yesterday. STOP worrying about tomorrow.
If you don't YOU WILL CONTINUE TO **** ALL OVER TODAY!
Find out what you need to do and to quote the NIKE shoe commercial, 'JUST DO IT!'

Answer 2

You need to try and take things one step at a time. Set goals for yourself and try and make just a slight improvement every day. I'm sure it's hard when the things you really want seem so far away. But it's impossible for you to jump there quickly considering the progress that's been made up to this point in your life. Try and keep getting help from doctors and see if maybe they can get you on some meds. Maybe find out what is affecting your life in the worst way and do your best too change that first. I'm not trying to push any religious affiliation onto you, but sometimes going to church or just picking up a book like "The Purpose Driven Life" can change your perspective on life in general. Church and/or charity organizations will help you feel better because you will be helping others and be able to forget about your own problems for awhile. Hope this helped some. Good Luck.

Answer 3

"...and that I've missed out, suffered greatly and always had it difficult & are at
major disadvantages?"

All of these things sound like self pitty to me. I am not saying that your life hasnt been hard, but to say that you are at a major disadvantage is only true if you make it so. I think that seeing a psychologist would be a very good idea, though it can be very pricey. Maybe try and find some groups, where you can be around people that have problems similar to yourself, it often helps to feel as though you are not the only person that is feeling the way you are right now.
Other than that I think you need to look inside yourself and figure out the root of your problems. I doubt you need someone to tell you that you have had a rough life, and only you can begin to turn your life around, start fresh, and make your experiences and your relationships better. We only have one life to live, dont let it go to waste.

Answer 4

Everyone has problems no matter how rosy their life looks from the outside.

An awful lot of people have a really bad start in life and seem to be at a disadvantage (including me!) but there comes a time (and face it you are now 30) when you have to take responsibility for your own life, accept the past was bad and move on - unless you want the rest of your life to be spent wallowing in the self pity that nothing was ever easy for you.

Sorry to be blunt - but you can't re-write the past so move on - its not easy but it can be done (I've done it!!) You don't need other people to tell you life is hard - you know it is but the only person who can make yours better is you!!

Start small - clean your flat, clean yourself up, make yourself go out for walk and smile at someone - when they smile back that little bit of human contact can make a huge difference!!

But above all don't give up - don't be the victim regardless of what other people have done to you.

You are the only one who can change your life - so get out there and do it!!

EDIT: Oh and please don't think that life in a cottage by the sea with a loving partner will solve all your problems. You need to change your own attitude first or all you will get is the same old you with the added burdens of more rent or mortgage to find and a partner to support!! I tried the partner road but until I changed ME it only made me more unhappy and more insecure!

Answer 5

Hey ghost, I know its been awhile since I was on answers. Sorry just really busy with college and moving house...I didn't abandon you...honest. Anyway I think the lady was just acknowledging that you've been through a lot and that you really are working hard to make something of yourself and your life, despite those difficulties you've faced.

I know that it sometimes feel like other people don't understand, especially when you are putting in so much effort and its seems that the people you need help from are not really keeping up their side of the deal and giving you what you need. I think she was just agreeing with you that your mental health team aren't really helping you the way you want and need to be. I know from personal experience that the British mental health care system is god awful...

She wasn't trying to be mean...she was just trying to relate to a situation that she probably hasn't had the 'benefit' of experiencing first hand which is why it came out sounding patronising...take care friend.

Answer 6

well one thing you should know. That although there are plenty of time when people are living and it is fine in there life, there is also plenty of bad time in peoples life. I know for me my parent's divorce was horrible. well I would say to you that you will have to work very hard to get over this. It will not be an over night thing that is just like whatever, but it will be hard and long. I don't want you to be discouraged, but to take heart and fight. if you fight this good fight, when you are done you will see that is was all more then worth the effort you have gone through. Also I would recommend find faith is a higher being that helps a lot. I will not tell you which one. I will tell you that I am Christian and that without God I might be dead.

Answer 7

If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got.

Hokey I know but it is true. So what is a person to do?

Get busy! Yup, step out of your comfort zone and be the answer. Whatever you think you need - Give.

Find a good respectable charity and volunteer. You will be amazed how much better you will feel after making someone Else's day better. Your dedication and self sacrifice will change you and others will notice.
Good luck.

Answer 8

You are convincing yourself you are not normal. That day must stop today.

From now on you must be convinced that only you can fix your life. Remove the obstacles you once used as hiding walls and kick them aside. Stand proud as yourself, and show the world you have beaten those demons. They will reward you with love.

If you continue to say you're not going to do it, you have taken your own advice, not mine.

Answer 9

*I feel like I'm being possessed by Dr. Phil...*

Stand up, shoulder straight and chin up.

The past is the past. What you need to do is work on how to get what you want starting now! Stop thinking they have this, I don't have this... you need to focus on WHAT you WANT and HOW to get it... starting NOW.

Who cares if they have houses and you don't? Who cares if they have a great life and you don't? The thing is you need to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. You need to pick yourself up and move on.

STOP FEELING LIKE THE VICTIM. Instead, fight back.. strive for your dreams. STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR PAST. STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR PAIN. DO SOMETHING.

If you don't believe in yourself, then I will tell you now... I believe you can. Since I believe you can do something to change your life for the better, do it. Do it not only for yourself but for those who believe in you.

We'll be right back...

Answer 10

i ain't sure but uhm, on some part of the story i also experienced that... what i did in order to have someone love me back(you wanted to enter a relationship right?) was uhm, i convinced myself with someone i don't know and yet a simple, cute and adorable person... i was determined to court her eventhough she turned me down, but now it's almost our 3rd month... in your case, if you find peace with that person, stick with her and wait... also show him or her what you feel(i'm sorry because i don't know if you're male or female)... and oh, another thing... TIME'S A WASTING, BECAUSE IF YOU CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE, YOU SHOULD FIND IT YOURSELF BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!