He might have cheated again... but did he if we are not committed?

Question

I have been dating Jeff for over seven months. As some of you know... he is going thru a divorce that seems to be drug out by his ex. His stance is that he cannot be in a committed relationship right now. After all our talks he continues to call, we continue to hang out and I still care deeply for him. I am trying to love with an open heart, in hopes that when it all comes down to it, he will fall eventually. (Man...I am going to get reemed for this posting!)
So in Aug I caught him in a lie about dating/sleeping with other women. I broke off all ties and he called and called until we finally spoke. I stood up for myself and he promised never to hurt me like that again.
A friend saw on his MySpace that he spent Fri or Sat night at his house with the same woman he cheated with. While I was with family. How do I walk away from someone I love so much!? Should I tell him I know... or just walk away in control? HELP ME OUT HERE! Give good advice not bashing advice... thanks!

Here is my immediate dilemma....
I live two hours away right now. I am staying at his house tonight. I have an interview in the AM. He is in the other room sleeping with his son on the couch. (His son couldn't fall asleep)
Do I wake hiim and talk about it?
Do I wake up in the morning and just leave and call him?
Do I break it to him in the AM before I leave?
Do I even say anything or just leave now and drive?
What should I do?
WHAT SHOULD I SAY??

Answer 1

Okay, so this is hard, (sort of), because your head and your heart is telling you two different things: Your heart is saying," you love, and care for him and if only you wait then he'll be the man you want him to be and your head is telling you that he is simply not ready to be committed to you or anyone else for that matter. Well who do you listen too?

Let me say, you can't make a man into something he does not want to be as well as you can't make him ready, he has to come around in his own time, but don't put yourself in the situation where he can just run all over you. If he figures that he can do whatever he wants ,and all he has to do is say sorry then everything will be alright, he will, but truthfully everything is not okay, and you deserve so much more then this, than him

You say that you weren't committed, but didn't he tell you that he would not see or mess with these other girls, then he goes out and spends a whole weekend with the girl! Yes he did CHEAT, and he did LIE, you know it and he knows it.

Figure out what your worth and then find someone who is willing compliment that worth (in more ways than one) and treat you how should be treated. Don't give this guy the satisfaction of hurting you again!

Answer 2

Hi there. Well. I know that after my divorce I needed sometime to adjust. I think you probably do not want to be a part of the divorce picture. Promise ... you just don't. Thats a huge ugly mess no matter how pretty its colored. Its not about control either.

And you haven't been dating him either. You've really either been sleeping with a married man or not. And how do you know if you didn't cause the break up? Would you want to be the future Mrs. Jeffrey ?????????. Not bashing, just thinking with a clear head.

Oh I'm sorry, you said he's been trying to get the divorce but she's dragging it out. Well now thats different.

You are on a train track and there is about to be a trainwreck involving you because you're emotions are tied to someone who could care less about you. You need to walk away from this. Godspeed you.

Answer 3

I'm thinking that you aren't really open to good advice, hon. Because if you were, then the feedback you received the first time around about dumping this jerk would have made sense to you. If you're waiting for Jeff to grow up and pick you, you're going to be an old woman. He's getting divorced most likely because he cheated on his wife-----repeatedly. Obviously if he's posting on Myspace that he's been with the same woman he's cheated on you with, then he really didn't care whether or not you busted him at it....which means he doesn't love you. Get it? HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU! So, I suppose you can continue to hang around wishing and hoping and being the doormat he hopes you'll be, or you can dump this guy and get real with yourself. And, your definitiion of "love" is more "obsession", not love. Take a look at a book called "Women Who Love Too Much"....you'll see yourself in its pages.

Answer 4

You, and no one else, are responsible for your over-all well being. It is not in your best interest to let anyone have power over your feelings that is painful and makes you sad. Particularly so if that person is going through his own personal turn-moil.
Love is no excuse!
It is the single most emotion that causes more hurt and pain than any other.
Jeff is not in a stable position. I doubt, very seriously, if he is secure in his feelings and knows what he want.
Also...there is no commitment here. Have the two of you discussed or pledged yourselves to each other? Yours is the mistake of many...assuming with eyes shut when they should be wide open.
This wake-up call should lead you to reflect how things really are between the two of you. Painful as it may be...take back your control of your life and give yourself a better chance at true happiness. Tread slowly and be wiser. Let your inner feelings (your soul if you wish) be your guide.

Answer 5

Well tell him u know the whole thing, if he continues to say "baby i promise i wouldn't do it again" and give u one of those faces, just punch him in the face lol.. walk away, he might beg for u to come back to him but just walk away no matter how much u love him, if u love him that much then let him go

Answer 6

I know I'm young but I'll help as much as i can. If he promised never to do it again it is bad weather you are committed or not because he broke that promis. It is hard to let someone go when you care about them that much and it will be hard if that is what you chose to do, but you need to stick up for yourself and don't let him play you. If he doesn't want to be the good guy that you would like him to be then he doesn't deserve your love.

Answer 7

Just leave him alone, for real. When he starts to come around asking why he hasn't heard from you just let him know that he already knows the answer to that. If what you had was real it won't take him long to get at you and if he wants it to work he'll be straight up with you. PS don't let him know about you checking the my space, don't give up your tell all friend.

Answer 8

you already know that he is a cheater and a liar...in fact he did it twice...have some dignity and self-respect....you dont deserve to be treated this way.....just walk away from him and dont look back...if you accept him back there's no guarantee that he will not hurt you a 3rd, 4th and so on time...you might feel hurt for a while...but you'll get over him...because he's not worth it and there will be other guys more deserving of your love and attention....

Answer 9

"Love hurt's

I have still no clue why a good women like's to be treated bad.By bad men.

When there are good decent men..they get the Just friend's speech.

If you like a little monster as a man..Be my guest is ur life.

But be a women and get a life.

and move on.

Life is a struggle and you have to live in order to learn

I have been the heart breaker and had my heart broken

but please have pride.

and faith in yourself.

Freddy-

Answer 10

DUMP his ***. He was still married, dating you and CHEATED on you?? I'm guessing that his wife and him were already seperated and considered exes but if not, he didn't cheat on you, he cheated on his wife with two different women.

He is a total scumbag.

Find yourself a good guy.