it.....Stay on board or bail out?
2007-11-26 18:25:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
(Sorry... that should have read "THEIRSELVES")
2007-11-26 18:27:07 · update #1
I'd be happy with a piece of string around my finger. But I'm 31 and impatient. I can help but wonder if he wants a relationship or a "trophy-life." He only brags on me when his friends are there. But it's starting to look like "one-ups-manship" more than a "normal" life. I really don't give a **** how good his friends think I am. I' not dating them after all. When we're alone however all he can talk about is his friends and job, unless I'm entertaining him in the bedroom. I wonder if I didn't clean, cook or spoil him for a week if he'd change his tune about me... I'd hate to think that's all I am...But I get more attention from him only when his friends are there...Should I go with my gut feelings or put some time limit onit and if I decide the later... what's a good time limit after 7 years? I feel like I'm in a bad episode of "The Nanny."
2007-11-26 19:20:39 · update #2
I'd be happy with a piece of string around my finger. But I'm 31 and impatient. I can't help but wonder if he wants a relationship or a "trophy-life." He only brags on me when his friends are there. But it's starting to look like more like "one-ups-manship" than a "normal" life. I really don't give a **** how good his friends think I am. I'm not dating them after all. When we're alone however all he can talk about is his friends and job, unless I'm entertaining him in the bedroom. I wonder if I didn't clean, cook or spoil him for a week if he'd change his tune about me... I'd hate to think that's all I am...But I get more attention from him only when his friends are there...Should I go with my gut feelings or put some time limit on it? And if I decide the latter... what's a good time limit after 7 years? I feel like I'm in a bad episode of "The Nanny."
2007-11-26 19:24:39 · update #3
Why can't you do both?
Financially buying a house is smart.
Emotionally getting married is the way to go.
Which is more inportant to both of you and can you conpromise.
2007-11-26 18:51:24 · answer #1 · answered by Stiffler 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
some men just don't see the necessity of marriage. The see the relationship as working, effective, emotional and perfect. So why change it?
sometimes hearing your opinon on marriage can really open a mans eyes to the reasoning others prefer it.
if you are comfortable talking about marriage, he will be more understanding and knowledgeable. But if you talk marriage, do it hypothetically. If you put a time limit or pressure on the whole idea you might as well dump him now.
pressuring a man with marriage through a time limit or ultimatium is NOT the beginning to a long lasting marriage.
2007-11-27 04:51:06 · answer #2 · answered by chilly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a time limit...either he gives you an engagement ring and sets a date, or the relationship is finished. Don't let him string you along. I have the feeling you are being used as the trophy wife without the benefit of that important piece of paper, and I wouldn't let him get away with it a minute longer. Give him the ultimatum and if he flim flams you with excuses, tell him it is over and run don't walk to the door. Tell him it is over and leave. Don't worry, if he loves you he will come after you with ring in hand and pleading with you to set a date. Sometimes guys need a jolt that will get them out of their comfortable spot they are in...Don't be an enabler..fight for what you want...Good Luck
2007-11-30 20:52:10 · answer #3 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
always follow your gut!! I have two stories just like yours. One is my sister and her now "roommate". They were together for 9 years after they bought a house together, after about 5 years she brought up marriage and he said having a house together is a huge commitment, then after he finally proposed, he would never set a date, eventually they broke up and are living together until the house is sold.
The second is my best friend. She moved from one side of the country to the other with her boyfriend, he bought a house in his name only, and they were together for 7 years and he never wanted to get married so she left him.
Is the house in both of your names or just his? If it is just his, that is a big red flag! If it is both, then at least that is a sign that he does want some sort of commitment with you. You need to talk to him about what he wants to do, get married or not, if he doesn't, then you need to move on. You are to young to waste your time with someone who doesn't want the same things out of life that you do. I am 35 and I have finally found the man I have looked for my whole life and am getting married next year. I am sure you love him, but do some soul searching and do what is right for you!
2007-11-27 10:10:19 · answer #4 · answered by nytengayle13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he wants the benefits of marriage without actually getting married. He gave you an ultimatum and that is never a good sign. He obviously doesn't care about getting married and knows that he can get what he wants out of you without making a deeper commitment. I'd take the second option and leave. He doesn't care enough about you and your needs and is being very selfish. If he wanted to get married he'd talk about marriage with you and get engaged. Since he's not then it just means you're not on the same page with him. You want marriage and he wants a live-in girlfriend to take care of him. Talk to him about the situation and see how he feels about marriage. If he isn't even considering it then leave him and find someone worth your time and who actually wants to marry you.
2007-11-27 07:40:00 · answer #5 · answered by Rockit 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ask why he hasnt asked but I would stay on board if he is a good man. A ring on my finger didnt change a thing and I just got married this thanksgiving in vegas at a whim after 5 years and its the same :-) except i get called wife more lol.
2007-11-27 02:30:41 · answer #6 · answered by What Up! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you bothered talking to him about marriage?
If you both have never even brought up the subject, don't expect a ring anytime soon!
If you have, what has he said? What reasons? Anything concrete, or just "maybe one day"?
I know people who have dated longer than that finally get engaged and it lasted a long long time.
2007-11-27 13:04:56 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They need to sit down and discuss what they want out of the relationship. If she wants the ring, she needs to make sure he understands this. If he doesn't want the legal obligation of the ring (since obviously he's ok with everything else) he needs to express why. This is the only way to do it without later wondering what if...
2007-11-27 02:34:53 · answer #8 · answered by the_vandalin 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Simple tell him you now have a house together and that is a huge commitment so now you want the ring and the name change. If he loves you then he shouldn't have a problem with it. Hell buy him a ring and ask him to marry you.
2007-11-27 17:01:12 · answer #9 · answered by monkey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh wow had complete reversal on that.. he married me , would never buy me a house or a diamond ring .. after 19 yrs of marriage his reply to that was............... i didnt want that type of commitment with you .. btw after 5 years of divorce , he still wants back together ..not happining
goodluck with your man
got to ask yourself , you love him ? he worth just living with?
he introduce you as friend or wife .
Do you want marriage?
2007-11-27 02:34:05 · answer #10 · answered by Will You Take The Red Pill ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋