i need a few more suggestions, thanks to everyone who helped??!!!?

Question

I know I asked alot of question about my husband,step daughter and baby. And thank you all for the wonderful advice. Well my husband kept calling today and I wouldnt answer the phone. And when I did talk to him I told him Im done unless I see any effort on his part. Well then after work, he took the baby and actually spent alittle time with him for once.But, Im sticking to my word. We'll see how long this lasts.Im done, Im not putting myself through this added stress anymore. Its not fair. There were a few though that said that I am selfish in my step daughters situation and that I needed to treat her better. Well, I have done evrything I could.Ive gone every approach.Being a friend,a Mother figure,a role model, etc. And nothing works.She gets worse and worse by the minute.Ive done evrything I can.Its not my fault shes like this, its her parents fault.I didnt raise her to be the way she is,HER parents did.All I did was try to help.

Everything Ive done for me,her parents undo.As far as behavior,respect and manners.Ill teach her how to respect people and show her how, then th minute shes with her parents, they let her disrespect EVERYONE and everything.No matter what Ive tried its been undone.So its not my fault, nor my responsibilty.When it comes down to it,she is BOTH OF HER PARENTS RESPONSIBLITIES. She has a Mom and a Dad, why should I have to take on both parts?? So to you people that said I was being selfish, NO NOT ME, her parents are the selfish ones.I mean to have a daughter, and both parents are in the picture, and to push her off on the stepparrent thats selfish.And if it is going to be that way,then its MY RULES, AND WHATEVER I SAY GOES!!!I have a 5 month old to care for, I dont have time to try to fix her when thats not even possible, thats her parents job.As a Mother,its my responsibilty and my duties to care for my son no matter what. Its not my responsibility to try to fix another Mothers daughter

Thats her responsibility.She gave birth to her I didnt.So tell me how that is selfish??Its not, its how it should be.I just dont know how I should approach the situation now.If all I do is try,and she gets worse, Im done, especially if I have no help from either parents.What else am I supposed to do??I cant keep letting her walk all over me. I WONT. Im not going to let some 10 year old control my life anymore. So do I tell my husband I will not be around when she is?? Or what is the best approach?? She's out of control, now its up to Her parents to fix it. What do I do now???

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Its not up to me anymore. Its up to her parents. Ive done evrthing possible. Its not my fault, its her parents, Im not the one that needs to change, HER PARENTS ARE THE ONES THAT NEED TO CHANGE AND STEP UP AND BE ACTUAL PARENTS TO HER. She needs counsling, then maybe the parents will realize what the real problem is.

Answer 1

Wow, I can see that you feel strongly about this. Here's my honest opinion, if you have done all that you can to try and rear her the right way and not be disrespectful and dishonest and everything else, I say that you should love her enough to let her go. I mean, true she is your non-biological daughter, but that does not give her the right to walk all over you and do what she wants to do. It is important for her to learn that you are the parent and she is the child and not the other way around. and the same goes for you as well because respect goes both ways (not saying that you're doing anything wrong, just a fact). I think that you should sit her down and have a serious talk with her and see why she has all this anger and resentment towards you (try to step into her shoes for a minute and see how you would feel in her situation), (though there is no justification for her actions, whatsoever). if that does not work, you should have a serious discussion with the parents because it sounds to me like they need some family counseling and parenting skills. If all else fails and you've exhausted all your available options, you should walk out of the relationship with your baby and give him and ultimatum that either he and her mother teach their child manners and respect or you won't be able to return to the household. it sounds harsh, but it seems like the only reasonable thing to do at this point. I do hope this helps you and I hope you can work something out. you can email me if you need any more advice or just someone to talk to. believe me, you shouldn't have to go thru this alone.

Answer 2

It sounds as if you're at your wits' end, so take a breath, relax as much as you can, then read. I have 5 daughters, and every one is different, and about 15 kids who grew up in our household. Every one of them saw the world differently. Your stepdaughter does too. It sounds as if she has learned to pit each adult in her life against the others. Did you know about her when you married her father? If so, you did accept some responsibility when you took him for better or worse. That does NOT mean that she's solely your responsibility, just that you agreed to do your best for her. Since she doesn't live with you 24/7, write out your rules of conduct for your home. Post them prominently where she can see them--refrigerator door, playroom wall, bulletin board, her room. You might consult with her biological parents for suggestions and consistency of enforcement. Even if they don't agree with your rules, it is your home where they must be strictly enforced. It's hard, but do it. She'll either obey or stay away. Only two infractions merited extreme punishment in our home--lying and stealing. Anything else they had a chance to explain. It seems to have worked. Kids want security, including rules, and knowing what to expect gives them that. She's ten? Have her help you with the baby. It's good practice and may save you headaches later. Good luck.

Answer 3

I don't know much but I know something that is, love. Shower her with love, even if she doesn't react for months, do it for years. One day, when she grow up or mature a little, she understand. Do not exclude her, when you're married to your husband, he's daughter IS ALREADY YOUR DAUGHTER! Maybe try to take away to "step" in the stepdaughter. Put yourself in her shoes constantly too, she's got a whole new mom and another brother maybe making her feel left out. Even if she treats you back, love her still.

*cheers! (-:
Jesus Loves You!

Answer 4

Get to a family counselor. Call your local Crisis Center to get a referral. If your husband and step daughter will not go, go by yourself. Hopefully, the counseling sessions will help you deal with the situation.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Kick your husband off the ground and let him know you are worth everything and just push your daughter out so dont get blames for beating her!!

Answer 6

wow i think i musta just caught the end of that story but it doesnt sound good and i feel for you, i would explain everything to ur husband and if he doesnt listen kick him out along with his daughter cause he will never listen to you otherwise.
goodluck.