How do I tell parents to control their kids at my wedding?

Question

My family just doesn't seem to know how to control their kids. The last two weddings I've been to, the kids were out of control and the parents just let them do what they want. In the middle of the bridal dances, the kids were running all over the floor. How do I tell parents to "control their kids or they will be asked to leave" without offending them. I wanted to include that in the invitation but that's improper etiquette. Any ideas?

I do want kids to be there. Everyone in my family has a toddler these days if their kids can't come, they won't come.

Answer 1

Just don't invite the kids. On the inner envelope just put Mr. & Mrs Johnson. On the rsvp - someone had a great idea to put

___ of 2 will attend. (the bride wrote in the 2 ) If they can't come it is 0 of 2. If they both can come it is 2 of 2. That way it is clear that the kiddies are not invited without saying adult reception, or no kids. If there is a family that has older children that you want to invite (teenagers or well behaved kids) the you could do ____ of 4 or whatever it is.

Now if they don't come because their bratty kids aren't invited then so be it. You may be surprised though. Most parents welcome a night out where they can have fun being adults away from their kids.

Answer 2

You are right, it is improper ettiquette to put such a statement on an invitation. It is great that you want too include everyone, kids included.

Suggestions...you could hire babysitters for the kids during the reception. If that is not possible perhaps you can work with your DJ. If you plan to dance with your Dad first, then have the DJ clear the floor so you are the center of attention. Have the groom invite his Mom to dance part way through the song you choose to dance too with his Mom. Then have the DJ invite all the parents in the room to come out and dance with thier children. Moms with thier sons, Dads with thier daughters. Then you change to dance with your new husband, after you do that for a while have the DJ direct the Moms and Dads to dance together. Ohh and it would be soo cute if there was a part of the bridal dance where you and your groom dance boogie down with all the kids. present. You can consider this a problem or an opportunity to build family bonds.

If that doesnt work for you, can you set up a separate dance floor for the kids? Decorate it so its enticing to children. Or can you set up a supervised play area for the kids at your venue.

I want to tell you though, this seems like a huge deal now, but when it might not be the day of the wedding. You will be visiting with people and too busy to notice some of the things you did at other weddings.

Good luck and congratulations on your pending wedding.

Answer 3

The real issue here is not "controlling" the children. Think of it the other way around - how do the Toddlers control their parents to sit through 15 hours of Dora the Explorer? Sounds like something you would not want to do? Me neither. That's how the 2 year old would feel at the wedding reception when they are there. It's no fun watching everyone else having fun while you're left confined to a chair.

What I would do is make a little extra planning and have a few games/activity areas set up in either the corners of the reception area or even in the outside area to the banquet itself. You might be able to contact a local college that has an early childhood program and get a few people to run it for a low cost ~ allowing them to also take a break at certain points to join in the food and dancing if they want to.

Once you have that, remind the parents that there will be plenty of time that the children can "go crazy" on the dance floor and other times when you want them off. Be sure to include some dances that they can do as well (the hokey pokey, chicken dance...I'm sure any band or DJ would be able to think of quite a few others).

If you go that extra step to set something up for them, the children will not be as bored. If you do that and lay clear requests down before the reception as far as when you want the children off the dance floor and when it's ok for them to be on the dance floor, I cannot imagine a parent getting upset over that.

Matt

Answer 4

Remember that a wedding is a life cycle event, and the kids are an important part of the life cycle. You cannot tell parents how to parent their kids, so unless you want kids excluded, and you say you don't, you will just have to understand that that is how the wedding will be. You will insult parents if you imply that that they don't know what they are doing. There are only a couple of things I can think of which might help. One is to avoid serving alcohol at the reception. Not because the kids are drinking it, but because once they start drinking, the parents are less vigilant. Secondly, if you have a DJ, you can ask them to put in a quick, casual phrase, like, "And now, the new Mr. and Mrs. X will have their first dance as a married couple. Parents, keep your kids off the dance floor for this one!"

The most important thing I can say, though, is that most brides need an attitude adjustment. As important as the day is to you, no one is interested in staring at you nonstop for hours, even if you are the most beautiful bride ever. It is the unintended things, and especially things involving small kids (the ring bearer running off crying in the wrong direction, the toddler twirling right in front of the couple on the dance floor) that make a wedding fun for the guests. The "perfect" wedding is a crashing bore, and it is the things which don't work quite as planned that make it bearable for everyone other than the bride.

Answer 5

If you want to set up a 'distraction' table go ahead, but be aware that kids have a limited attention span. I'm never too sure about a 'kids' table' either as I think that the kids tend to play up even more on them. Specially as they have no direct adult supervision.

Separate room and baby sitter? Sounds expensive and works only if there is a spare room available. I wouldn't want them in the bridal room. If their parents don't want to pay for a babysitter, why should you?

Our families are huge, so the idea of having an adults only thing does not work - they were all (350 of them) invited and so were their kids . I didn't even consider not to invite the kids because it just wasn't done. They're family. They want to be a part of auntie's and uncle's wedding. Besides, with the whole family at the wedding who can you get to look after the kids?

Stay out of the situation., YOU don't tell them to control the kids or they'll be asked to leave - you WILL offend them. Especially the "asked to leave" bit. Stay the Good Guy by asking the MC, DJ or Band Leader to be the Bad Guy. The MC can do that because it will seem as if it is either him or the management of the hall that request it. It doesn't faze most MC's.

We asked our MC to make an announcement to parents to keep their children off the dancefloor every time something important was happening, such as making the speeches, cutting the cake, and the bridal waltz and the bridal party. Afterwards the MC made the invitation to everyone to join in. They were free to mingle in with the rest of the party. It was really cute seeing some of the littler ones dancing together. It worked.

Answer 6

When My Daughters had their Weddings they wrote down on the invitation, that the Kids were welcome to be part of the guests but, and they emphasize, that the Parents should be aware that they had to control their Kids or they would have to be left with someone, if they became unruly. I guess the guests did not mind it a bit, because most of them did not take their kids, and the ones who went their kids behaved really well. So, I do not see anything wrong when you invite some guests with kids and you emphasize in the invitation the rules concerning kids. But If I were you,I would tell my family about what you are going to write on the invitations, so there would be no hard feelings after wards. Good Luck! just remember a Wedding is a memorable experience and you want it to be perfect for you both,and it is an occasion that is a treasure to remember, with Love. the best solution is to provide on-site child care at your reception...most places have extra rooms for the bride and groom to get ready in, etc. etc. and most will give you a room to use specifically for child care...you can bring a tv and dvd and a bunch of games and hire a baby sitter and after dinner the kids can all go into a separate room and you can enjoy your reception without kids running around and screaming and doing what kids do...though sometimes it can be really cute and endearing to watch them do the centifpede and dance like adults...good luck...hope this helped...

Answer 7

That seems to be the norm these days. If you have a dj or a band, you could ask the dj or the singer to say something to the crowd like, this is a friendly request or reminder for parents to keep watch on their children so everyone can have a fun and enjoyable time. It would seem that the reception would be the appropriate place. Maybe the person performing the wedding can make a similar announcement if needed.

Hiring a babysitter is not a bad idea. I didn't do that at my wedding. I didn't have that many kids. My husband didn't like that idea because he felt that the kids would be excluded from the grown up stuff somehow. I bought special favors for the kids.

Answer 8

Some people tend to think that everyone and every place is (or should be) tolerant of children. Over the summer I was in a wedding party and during the groom's father's speech, a toddler let out a blood curdling wail and wouldn't stop. No one could hear a thing. The mom just sat there instead of scooping the kid up and walking him to the lobby for a moment.

You can address this on your invitation by saying something like "children welcome - please supervise them at all times." You may ruffle some feathers but those people know who they are. Also, you can ask the dj or emcee to clear the floor if any kids run on there during the bridal dances. Every family has one of those busy body aunts that doesn't mind having that kind of duty.

It's important to have something for the kids at the reception, like a pinata and the limbo. It seems tacky to some people, but it's all in good fun and sometimes it's pretty darn hilarious.

Answer 9

Maybe a better answer is to advise in the invite it is a formal invite and children are not invited (for cost reasons) however, if the parents are insistant their children be there, that they can foot the bill for the extra service. It's probably like $10-20 a child. That is a good chunk of money for the family to pay just so children are there. Make the parents pay. I would bet many of them will find other options, like a babysitter, rather than bring them along at their expense. So there would be fewer kids there to start trouble. Those that show up, I would just politely ask the parents to be mindful to keep a close eye on the children since this day for you only happens once. Personally, I am against kids at weddings. Especially those in the weddings. I know it is cute, but I swear only one out of a thousand of those cute kids seems to get their job right. If you have a good sense of humor, it is not a big deal, however, if you are high strung it may not be a good idea on your special day. Congrats.

Answer 10

It is hard when there is a Wedding reception, and the immediate family, meaning Brothers,Sisters,of both sides have small kids, that the Parents do not or can not control how they behave. When My Daughters had their Weddings they wrote down on the invitation, that the Kids were welcome to be part of the guests but, and they emphasize, that the Parents should be aware that they had to control their Kids or they would have to be left with someone, if they became unruly. I guess the guests did not mind it a bit, because most of them did not take their kids, and the ones who went their kids behaved really well. So, I do not see anything wrong when you invite some guests with kids and you emphasize in the invitation the rules concerning kids. But If I were you,I would tell my family about what you are going to write on the invitations, so there would be no hard feelings after wards. Good Luck! just remember a Wedding is a memorable experience and you want it to be perfect for you both,and it is an occasion that is a treasure to remember, with Love.

Answer 11

The easiest solution would be to say an adults only reception, but that is tough to do. I have a toddler and I would personally prefer not to bring her to a wedding, lol. I am assuming it is a day time wedding. Some ideas to keep the kids under control would be to provide some fun, quiet activities for them. Maybe you could have a small "kid" table with coloring books and washable crayons/markers? Crayola makes prodcuts that will only show up on the special paper; if the kids write on anything else, it's clear. You could also hire someone to watch over the kids and maybe play games with them or something to keep them from interfering with your wedding. I completely understand what you are going through. The easiest way to keep kids from going wild is to give them something to do. Most kids, especially toddlers, get wild and run because they have nothing else to do. If you want the kids there and you want them to behave, you need to make sure they have a good time too. Weddings are boring for kids. My cousin is getting married and the only reason my daughter is going is because she is the flower girl.
I also liked the idea someone had of blaming it on the venue. You could tell the parents that they are strict and don't want the kids running around like crazy.
Congrats on your wedding and Good Luck!!!!