my grandson is 15 in with the wrong crowd is sneeking out some at night,and took 2 pills at school..?

Question

he is VERY sweet and gets along with every one...but makes wrong choices....his mom wants to send him to a private Christian school but he says he knows how to get kicked out and he will...he is ADD but won't take med's because it makes him feel bad. He has lots of friends but does things before he thinks...what should we do?He is really depressed and I'm afraid he will really do something stupid....I even asked his mom to let him stay with me for a while...but she said no.

Answer 1

Sounds like his mom needs to crack down on him and show him who's boss!

I have a hunch that the father isn't around, but if he is, he needs to lay down the law!

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By the Way, ADD is an excuse, not a reason. Don't let him use it as an excuse.

Answer 2

Maybe you could convince his mother to get him some therapy. There are even youth groups that he could get involved with where he could make some decent friends. I'm sure he'd fight that all the way but the depression could use some counseling.

I'm sure he COULD figure out how to be kicked out a private school, but if she speaks to the people in charge and lets them know that he has this goal, they'll expect him to try and perhaps beat him at his own game?

Do you live in the same school district that he does? If not, maybe you and his mom could do a kind of 'intervention' and tell him that if he messes up one more time...he will be moving in with you until he graduates. I know she doesn't WANT that, but if he keeps heading down the wrong road, she won't be doing him any good to leave him in the situation he's in. That would remove him from those friends he's hanging around with, and possibly get him to take her more seriously. It wouldn't even have to be forever. Just long enough that he knows she isn't playing.

Answer 3

Just from experience....my oldest was ADD and used it as an exuse (so I thought) -- later he told me he "felt stupid" after being daignosed.....which is the last thing I wanted for him. He is now 29, took Ritalin as a child (diagnosed in 4th grade when no one even heard of it then) and he is now also a heroin addict. I've heard this could happen and IT DID. He is ALSO one of the sweetest people you ever met. WATCH THIS CHILD IF THEY ARE TAKING PILLS.....I haven't heard from my oldest for over a year now and don't know if he is even alive --- he stole everything from us -- we lost a LOT!!! His dad's family didn't belive me then (they do now as he ripped them off also). His teachers told ME he was so respectful and sweet but then in high school he didn't show up much. I DID THOUGH!! I was there more than he was. Guess what else? ADD kids are actually VERY intelligent -- they just need motivation into what they are interested in. IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW, I would have done things different -- I don't know "how" but I've learned a lot over the years......just don't give up on him. Pay attention - find out what he's "interested" in and influence him in that direction. They are highly intelligent kids. Trust me....my heroin addict can CON anyone. Oh and by the way, I have another son not ADD who will be called DOC in the military so I'm not a bad mom. ADD kids just need good influence and positive stuff. I feel your pain ------- I TRULY DO!! BEST OF LUCK TO YOU.

Answer 4

Sounds like he needs counseling. and not some shrink but more of a "peer" group. You'll need to find out what his insurance will provide especially now that he's and "at risk youth"

After that, at 15 he's still a child and need a lot of Tough love. Prolly a rewards and punishment system, especially with his meds. My best friend took everything her son "owned" from him, left his room blank but a sheet and pillow.

It was horrible and miserable but by his 16th birthday he was on his meds and in private school. The meds is a big thing too, if he doesn't like them, get them changed, it takes well over 6 weeks for him to feel better on them, there are a lot of choices out there and some times you really have to be a ***** with the doctors but hey its your kid and you are paying the doctor.. should be easy math

Good luck ( BTW my son is autistic so I know of what i speak )

Answer 5

well staying with you would help if he had a close relationship with him if not it could drive him further down the wrong path. Try convincing his mom to let him come by you again if not, if possible, stay by him watch what he does but not to closley or he might pull away more. try to pick up a hobbie with him like learning a language or some thing im fifteen but i talked to my dad a lot about this. for a hobbie if hes sort of brainy like me im self teaching physics, chem, 6+ languages and astronomy and my parents got me interested in school at an early age. try getting him into science or history even math maby do some play with him or read a big book together like homers odyssey or the illiad. school and learning always keep me busy. other alternatives are sports or chess maby a drama club at school then theres the boys and girls club if theres one in the area. music is another one have him pick up an instrument. if you need more suggestion my email is [e-mail] good luck keep him on the right path.

Answer 6

Private school will make him extremely depressed since he will loose all his friends in this school. It will scar his heart for life. There is really nothing you can do. The only thing I could suggest to you would be to make him take a drug test every three weeks. Once he stops doing drugs or what ever he is doing he will come to notice his life. Im sure he will become a good boy as long as you and his mother are caring and respecting towards him.

Answer 7

The kid clearly needs an intervention.
The mother at least needs to take the kid back to the doctor for different meds.
Both mother and son need to go in for counseling... fast.

Sending the kid to a private school -- other than a military academy -- will only be a waste of money. The military academy will try to instill discipline, but may be traumatic.

Keep hammering on the mother to let him come live with you for a while. She may be in denial.
You have to get through to her any way you can... like is she going to wait until she has to bail the boy out of jail before she gets him some help?

Answer 8

I was that kid! I am 28 now.Thank God for Grandmas.He will do a lot of stupid things.He is 15.I took the long hard road instead of my mom giving me to my gram.Teens seem to respect grandparents more.He is trying to figure out where he fits in this crazy world. I would do something bad or careless in school to kind of see who thought it was cool or funny.Then that would be my click.Even though I was surrounded by people,I felt so alone.If you know of two pills it was probably more like 4.Help him find himself.If all else fails,keep him busy.Being bored with everything sparked way to many ideas.Don't give up.Good luck.

Answer 9

well i think that he is probally depressed or just lost. he might be finding out who he is. but he could stray down the wrong path and that is your concern. so why dont you try to go on a vacation some where and there he can meet new friends. maybe a week or something . im 17 and thats what helped me. maybe. if there is a serous problem then you need to sit down with his mom and ask her to adress it before its out of hand. be sure not to be too pushy. LET HIM KNOW THAT EVERYONE SEES IT. AND THAT YOU WONT TELL HIM :WHAT TO DO" BUT ! YOU WILL ASK THAT HE DOES THE RIGHT THING. PIUS HE IS ONLY 15. if he is that type of kid you say he is. then he will become humiliated with his acitons overtime. he needs a rolemodel. maybe a older friend like a guy. or dad or something. my uncle gives me good advice.

Answer 10

"his mom wants to send him to a private Christian school but he says he knows how to get kicked out and he will"

It sounds like his mom needs to give your grandson a little more guidance and support.

Kids are the reflection of their parents.

Maybe spending time with the three of you would be best for everybody.