I have met someone just in the past 6 weeks who seems to want the same things I do, in fact he seems to be everything my husband wasn't. We had chemistry immediately, and it has developed in to a potentially very good prospect for the future. After 22 years of marriage, I need someone who I can actually lean on sometimes, especially now. Unfortunately it seems my new relationship is a mix of serious emotion and lighthearted banter, and when I call needing emotional support and he doesn't call back until after all his social obligations are met for the day, would it be a mistake to tell him I need to be higher on the food chain than babysitting his granddaughter (who is only 5 months old, it seems he could have called me back while he was watching her) I am not saying don't babysit, just when I call, why wait to call me back until late? Should I tell him I called because I was upset and needed to see him, or just pretend everything is fine and not put pressure on him to help me?
2007-11-26 13:39:25 · 18 answers · asked by Annette L 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
tell him! being married once, you know that men are not mind readers and they need your help, they cant know what you want until you tell them, and you cannot be justifiably upset for him not doing what you need from him until he knows what you expect of him, talk about it...thats the only way anything will be resolved, and if he feels it is an unreasonable request then go from there.
2007-11-26 13:44:50 · answer #1 · answered by Mina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Others have noticed this, too- the relationship seems lopsided. You, a recent divorcee, are baby-sitting his granddaughter (no idea where the parents are) while he's out socializing. Might be, he's seeing you as a friend who's available to take care of his needs (babysitting), but who's not so interested in your needs.
If you two are on a six-week friendship, it seems to me he should be taking you out to socialize instead of babysit.
I agree- talk to him about what you would like and see where the conversation goes from there. And don't get too wrapped up in convincing him how good you are at fulfilling his needs (the babysitting) but how maybe the two of you could support and help each other with lots of things.
Good luck, you caring person.
2007-11-26 15:04:38 · answer #2 · answered by going_for_baroque 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only six weeks!!!!! Give the guy a break and don't come on too strong or you will frighten him off. He doesn't want to be your "minder" at this stage - it is too soon for you to be depending on him in the way you want. Even if the relationship is intimate that doesn't give you the right to be top of his food chain at all. If you two have fun together that is great and if you need someone to poor out your heart to try a girlfriend or relative at this stage. Be cool and don't be too available either. After going through divorce proceedings you are probably quite vulnerable so watch out for those who might use you.
2007-11-26 13:47:40 · answer #3 · answered by veraswanee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 53. Obviously you need to get to know each other more. It is too soon after a divorce to think of a permanent relationship. I understand if they are at work and in a meeting or something important, not calling back right away, but for socializing, that is bull. But don't think every time you holler he can be right there, you are old enough to know it doesn't work that way. Take some more time.=======
2007-11-26 13:47:21 · answer #4 · answered by lana s 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok well im only 17 but i can easly help u. ok its a good idea not to tell him to move u up on the food chain because its to soon in the relationship he might take it the wrong way. and u should never be 'fake' with him if u called because u were upset and needed him then tell him dont ever lie about that stuff because then/ if he falls in love with u it could turn out to be a 'fake' love and when u stop lieing about things like that then he'll think u turned into a *****. so yea always stick to the truth and always fallow ur heart and do what ur heart tells u to do
2007-11-26 13:47:41 · answer #5 · answered by tiff 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he's anything like my husband, he believes the telephone should be ignored at all costs, especially if he is busy, and that includes watching tv!! So, if it was me in this situation, yes, I would say you should tell him that you would like him to consider your calls to be a priority, and that is not unreasonable given the relationship you two have. Also, let him know that if you call at a bad time or he is truly busy, all he has to do is convey that information to you and you will be happy to let him go, as long as he will return the call to you when he gets a free moment. See if you can work out a phone call compromise that suits you both.
2007-11-26 13:53:15 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step back for a second and realize....even if it was an incredible six weeks....it was still six weeks.
I'd cut him a break..it sounds like you are in a lot of emotional turmoil right now, and I don't blame him for maybe shying away from being an instant white knight and spending a bit of time with his granddaughter instead.
If you need support, I'd suggest personal counselling, and not taking it out on the rebound beau.
-LD
2007-11-26 13:45:31 · answer #7 · answered by Fox Mackenzie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are still getting over your 22 yrs. marriage... with the emotions that goes with a divorce.... it depends on where is he at the time of his life.... if he has been single for a long time his emotions are not at the same as yours...you are in a time where you need to get to know you again and who you are....take this time for yourself and find out what you want..if this relationship is meant to be.... he will realize that you are in a very emotional state... if he is sensitive to your needs...he would get back to you sooner... he can't be your lend on person.... that needs to be you....be strong at this time...you will get thru this... just take your time... it will all work out... starting a new relationship is tuff enough without all the baggage you want to dump on him....a new relationship should be happy ,execting and fun.... give yourself and him a chance for happiness without all the drama... if you are still have problems with( marriage and divorce stuff) you might not be ready to give everything to a new relationship.... he might be picking up on this...find a good girlfriend or family member to dump all the bad stuff on and keep it fun and execting for you new man....Good luck!!!
2007-11-26 14:04:33 · answer #8 · answered by Sharon C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know you said over 40 please. but i couldnt help myself :] sorry..
i am 18 years old. my parents divorced when i was 3 so ive been raised around this.. both remarried .. my mom twice
i believe the next man u date should be everything you not only want... but everything you NEED && more.. at this point in your life you shouldnt have to take a backseat to anyone. especially a 5 month old. But before you rely on anyone else for support & love. Learn to support and love yourself.
You will know when you are ready to be happy in a new relationship when you are happy by yourself. I hope it all works out.. I think you should confront him. Let a man know what you need. If you dont inform them... they wont know how to please you.
Good Luck <3
2007-11-26 13:46:48 · answer #9 · answered by colleen;; 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are asking an awful lot out of a 6 week relationship. You are still in rebound stage from the divorce. Take it slower.
I understand that you need someone to help you emotionally. That is what friends and relatives are. New relationships take time to develop into that kind of symbiosis.
He's sending you a signal, loud and clear. 'I'm interested in you, but I need my space too.'
2007-11-26 13:45:05 · answer #10 · answered by Dan H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hes trying to establish parameters
he wants you to understand hes not at your beck and call and this is no offense to you,you simply want him to show you that your more important
but remember all relationship parameters are established in the first few months and will never change after that.
unfortunately this is why divorce lawyers are so wealthy
your best bet is to be aware of that and establish your own parameters but of course don't push too far too fast
and for us guys space is important so give him some but don't let go of the reigns
good luck
2007-11-26 13:48:17 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋