My boyfriend and I don't see each other much during the weekdays. We're both so busy with our jobs and friends and everything that we only see each other once or twice during the week. Every other weeknight he spends with his friends. I'm okay with that, I like to do my own thing, too. He's been starting to spend the night on Fridays, and doesn't leave until Sunday night. He says he wants to marry me, and he's Mr. Perfect until Monday comes. I hardly ever see him on Mondays. Today he called me and talked about his friend who I'm not too fond of for like twenty minutes! He was talking about all these plans him and his friend had made. Then he asked me to try and see him on Wednesday. I said jokingly, "I'll see you on Wednesday, as long as you're not too busy with your boyfriend." In response to that, he got all angry and put a guilt trip on me, claiming that I "make" him spend all his time with me, and he never gets to see his best friend that I mentioned earlier...
2007-11-26 12:54:03 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
However, he works with said friend and other friends as well. He gets to see them 5 days a week at work, sometimes after work too, and on the weekends that I'm busy with something else. He exaggerates saying that I "make" him see me everyday when in reality it's just weekends. He's put me on this whole guilt trip many times before. Is it unfair for him to make me feel bad for spending time with me? Or is he right to be angry?
2007-11-26 12:56:27 · update #1
Get rid of him.
2007-11-26 12:56:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Nice question. There are two ways to look at this. From someone like me who has been married 15 years and from the view of retired couples who have been married 50 years...
Once you get married, everything changes. Seriously it does.
You and your husband aren't worried about how much time you are spending together. Sad, but true. By the time you are old senior citizens you usually have your own routines and lives going. Yes, you still love your mate so much! In fact, without them life wouldn't mean very much. You get dependent on the other even though you might think they are stinky, obnoxious, and disgusting at times. But in general, they might only say a few words to one another in a day's time. The point is: Don't sweat the small stuff. As with men. Men like guy things with guys. Something you cannot provide no matter how hard you try. Some men though never grow up and want to play the rest of their lives leaving poor lonely wives at home waiting for the milkman or salesman to come by and entertain them.
Perspective number two. I would dump him now! Forget he ever existed. If he can't realize what he has in you and is so hypnotized by his precious little routines and buddies he goes out with, then he doesn't deserve you and there is little chance you will able to pull his head out of the clouds. Remember, divorce rates are soaring over 50 percent! That's not 1 and million odds. That is 1 out of 2. So be careful. There are a lot of affectionate and attentive men out there. Find them! I remember during my courting phase, I spent every second with her! Then you would be asking the question: Help! My boyfriend is suffocating me! LOL.. Good luck!
Sincerely,
Otto
2007-11-26 13:15:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think anyone can make someone do something they don't want to do. If his friends are more important, then I believe he should spend as much time with them as he needs to. I would suggest that he not come over this weekend and spend it with his buddies. Explain that for the next couple weeks you are going to be really busy getting ready for the holidays, and he should make what ever plans he needs to. You might as well find out now if the friends are more important, cause there is no reason to fight over friends, and if this was a really good friend why aren't you guys doing things together once in awhile? Not the right one, he still needs time to figure out if he wants to get married or not, divorce costs to much.
2007-11-26 13:05:22 · answer #3 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With your boyfriend comes his other friends and his family. You should give him time with his friends and you use those days to spend with your friends. You get to spend time with him over the weekend and hopefully you talk on the phone daily. You should accept his friends and he should accept yours. He has a right to be angry if you refer to his best buddy as a boyfriend. You are insulting him and he is going to naturally become defensive. Give him some space and let him hang with his buds every now and then. It's all part of the package. The last thing any man wants is a jealous girlfriend. So be conscious of that and don't make his friends an issue. Make him want to be with you rather than feel like he has to be with you or you will get angry and insult him. He should reciprocate. The road travels both ways.
2007-11-26 13:02:44 · answer #4 · answered by gc27858 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So when you live together and you are married is this friend gonna live with you too? Im thinking he just doesnt want to commit fully.... He wants his cake and to eat it too! See thats what happens when you get serious with someone dear...Usually they commit and they kinda step away from daily friend hang out sessions and turn souly to you as you will take care of them once you are married! So how do you see yourself in this factor once married? Are you gonna Fight all the time because he hasnt enough time for you or that you are laying guilt trips on him, Ect? Something has to give here! You two need to sit and seriously discuss what the bigger picture is here...Does he want to be with you or his butt buddy! In the long run who is gonna take care of him?He should not make you feel bad about time spent together unless he feels you are not worthy of his time" See What I Mean"? If this is what your relationship is gonna be like you need to ask yourself is this truely what i want...Besides any guy who talks about a Friend that he knows she doesnt like for 20 minutes , Thats just disrespect...Maybe mention his name but not ramble on for 20 minutes...C'mon! It seems to me that he feels you should be lucky to be with him and that you dont deserve the right to complain because his time is precious! You need to step back a re evaluate this whole situation, Best wishes J.
2007-11-26 13:17:25 · answer #5 · answered by J. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should find out what they do when they hang out. It's stupid that you have to beg him to spend time with you and yet he's saying all the right things. Which I think that is all it is...he's just saying the right things. My boyfriend and I get to see each other 1 time a week, sometimes it's once or twice every two weeks, but he spends what little time he has with me. He gets to hang out with his friends other times during the week.
You should think about what he really wants out of the relationship. Good luck. Take care.
2007-11-26 13:02:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He shouldn't try to make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with him. If you didn't want to spend time with him, how would he feel? Being in a relationship requires some sacrifices in your time because you need to be able to spend time with each other to make the relationship work. The way you two are right now, it's more like dating than being in a relationship.
2007-11-26 12:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by randmthots 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was in exactly the same situation. my now ex bf lives with his friends, worked with sum of them n we only saw each other a couple of nyts a week n only sumtimes spend sundays together n he always made out that he didnt hav enough tym 2 do anythin cos i took up all his tym n everythin. so i think that u should ju tell ur bf that if its such a hassle 2 spend time with u then dont n u just move on. i did n its been hard n he wanted me back but everythin does get betta!
2007-11-26 13:05:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he is overly invested in his "Friends" (Male) and under invested in your relationship with him. He sounds like one of those manly men that never quite grow up. They spend all their time at work and then at play with their "boy friends". Psychologists refer to it as "The Peter Pan Syndrome. "
If you marry this guy you will end up in a very lonely marriage and miserable life. Heed the warnings now. It doesn't get better when you marry. He will in fact most likely get worse. Run away now. Save yourself from a world of grief and pain.
You deserve better.
2007-11-26 13:05:40 · answer #9 · answered by haditforgood 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You were wrong. It sounds like he juggles his friendships and his relationship with you well. He shouldn't be expected to spend every day and every waking second with you. That is his best friend and will always be whether you stick around or not, so you might as well get used to it and get along with the guy.
2007-11-26 12:58:11 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Im sorry. This is not a match. It is for the best if you move on otherwise you will always have problems. You deserve more attention and you can get it from someone else. Just take a break from dating for a while and you will be glad you did.
2007-11-26 12:57:09 · answer #11 · answered by barthebear 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋