my soon to be ex husband and i have been trying to work things out for 3 yrs. and its just not working he wants to party instead of taking care of his family. and in the last 3 yrs he has come and gone in my kids life. he disappeared all the time and they r really messed up because of it. and he is now almost 8,000 dollars behind in child support. i called him the other day and asked him to help me with some diapers for our son and he told me to ask his parents. cause he wants to see the kids and isnt going to pay if he cant see thrm. but i dont want him to hurt the kids anymore. i need help and dont know what to do.....please help me!!!!!
2007-11-26 12:51:25 · 7 answers · asked by Tabitha L 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
my kids are 5,3,1 my 5 yr is very emotional, and my 3 yr has panic attacks if i leave. and yes they want to see him. gut hes a crackhead and will see them for 1 to 2 wks and then nothing for 2 to 3 months. and then i have to deal with them being upset. cause he wont call them or see them and i dont know how to tell them that he is to busy. i dont want to hurt them they have been through enough.
2007-11-26 13:04:19 · update #1
i told him about the way they r and he doesnt care!!!
and he has a new gf and he helps take care of them. there is alot more to the story. and ive treid to get the court to do something about him paying child support but they said cause he dont keep a job more than a week or 2 they cant make him pay.
2007-11-26 13:14:43 · update #2
and i want him to see them but i dont think he is responible enough. he was doing drugs around them.
2007-11-26 13:16:20 · update #3
Don't alienate your children from their father. They are 50% his DNA, they need to know that part of themselves.
You need to have a support order and make sure it is enforced. Also have set visitation.
Attorneys and the Court system will make it an expensive mess if you allow them. It's best if you and ex can agree on some stuff and just have the Court make it legal.
2007-11-26 12:58:10 · answer #1 · answered by DesignDiva1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you you wasting your life away? Do you think you're doing your kids a favor by dragging them through your own mess. Get a grip! Accept the fact, that after 3 years, this man is not going to change. Find some sort of stability in your family. The kids are in counseling, why aren't you? What does the councilor say about their relationship w/ their father?Being a single mother is tough, me included. Stand up for your kids and start acting like a mother instead of waiting for some idiot man to take care of you.
2007-11-26 12:59:15 · answer #2 · answered by WordsWorth_01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a really difficult situation. Coming from a split family and a childhood with no father, I can understand the emotions that run in this type of situation.
Depending on how old the kids are, I'd ask them what they want. Do they want to see their father or not? Maybe just phonecalls for a while? If you completely cut off visitation that could lead to resentment from your children. It took many years for me to understand and forgive my Mother for cutting off all ties with my father. I would sit down and talk to the kids. Also, dont be shy about telling your ex what kind of damage he is doing to the children. They're truly the victims here, he should love them enough to take care of them or be on his way.
Good Luck
I feel for you
PRAY!
2007-11-26 12:58:09 · answer #3 · answered by Jonesy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The state will nal his *** for the back child support. Keeping the kids from him for that reason is no good for the kids at all. It's a no-brainer in my opinion, unless he is horrible to the kids, which is a different issue than the support anyway.
The two should never be linked by you or him.
2007-11-26 12:56:44 · answer #4 · answered by busterwasmycat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your kids are in counseling, then you might do well to talk with their counselor about this issue.
And consider your childrens' feelings... do they want to see their father? If they don't, then it would be nuts to force them to see someone they aren't interested in.
I sure hope things work out. I believe the counselor would be the best person in your world to get good, sound advice from... after all, they are aware of your family's personal situation and all the details about your kids' feelings.
take care.
2007-11-26 12:59:25 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't withhold visitation because he doesn't pay child support. If you do, you are in violation of the court order and he can take you to court. If he's in violation of the court order by not paying, then you need to take him to court.
The kids should see their father, no matter what. It will harm them more and make them hate you if you keep them away from him.
2007-11-26 12:55:50 · answer #6 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut him off till he catches up on child suport
2007-11-26 12:54:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋