He going 2 Iraq. Said that he didn't want a commitment until after Iraq b/c the war would change him. I TOTALLY understand that. Then he found out how incredibly dysfunctional my fam really is & they tried threatening his military officer career. He said my fam scared him b/c of the prob they may cause. He wants me to write him in Iraq & I understand that he has been distant for the last 3 wks b/c of going to war, but I just don't know if I should WAIT 4 him or not. Before the stuff w/my family he said he'd wait 4 me and I could wait 4 him. Now there is no talk of a future and he just says he is "an a@@ of a friend, b/c he doesn't know where his career will lead him after Iraq or what he will be like after war--is friends all we'll EVER be? I REALLY LOVE HIM and am trying to guard my heart. If I WAIT & he says NO then I could have missed the man of my dreams here in the US. If I DON'T WAIT and he says YES I could miss him-the REAL MAN OF MY DREAMS-->HIM. Should I wait???
2007-11-26 11:34:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Military
The problem with my family was that when I went to another state to stay with him for a few days (even tho I'm 26) they freaked, called in the middle of the nite, threatened to call his CO, talked to the AF for days threatening stuff about me being a slut out of my mind to even be with him, they have mental illness really really bad but refuse to seek help. My guy says for his career he cannot have domestic problems no matter how ridiculous right now before deployment. Things were going great until my parents did that and I don't want them to know how much heartache they have caused me b/c that would make them VERY VERY happy.
2007-11-26 12:01:17 · update #1
I'm married to a 32 year Army officer vet who is leaving in December for his second tour in Iraq.....also - our son is going to deploy this time. So, I feel justified in answering your question. I am going to do so using your own words:
You cannot "guard your heart" with someone you "really love". Either you love him enough to wait for him, or you don't. It sounds to me as if you do.
While it is true that when you marry a person, you marry into their family...the family does not have to be a part of your marriage. Let him know that you will not allow your family to come between you two. Write to him, stay faithful, let him know you are being faithful, let him know how much you love him and you might be surprised at how his feelings become clear while he is away from you.
Bottom line, if he is the "man of your dreams", DON'T give up on him. Men like that are too hard to come by.
Best of luck, my dear. Being in love with an Army Officer is difficult to say the least. Army wives are strong, resilient, patient and self-reliant...we have to be.
2007-11-26 11:51:04 · answer #1 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 5⤊ 2⤋
No. He is distancing from you and giving you no commitment. If your dance card is open when he returns stateside, see if you can (and want to) fit him into your schedule.
Keep in touch with him and see if he returns the favor. Don't make commitments during the deployment time, though...sometimes deployed guys fool themselves (and others) about the depth of their commitment, because that contact meets an emotional need. Just keep it in the friend realm while he's gone, and whatever will be will be when he returns.
Don't wait by the phone, however. Life is not a rehearsal, and other opportunities for your happiness are out there. Some of them may actually love you enough not to distance on you like this guy is.
MSgt, USAF (Retired)
2007-11-26 11:54:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Somebody has been watching "The Unit" marathons again...
Amy Marie: I do not want to say this to you but you've asked so I'm going to give it to you straight....he's distancing himself from you....I'm not sure that's because of Iraq...I think its because your family threatened his career. If it were me, I'd approach him about dating other people and see what his response is...I would date other people and maintain ties with him...he's going to have the opportunity to think and rethink this many times. Have you considered getting a restraining order against your parents? I don't know if that's appropriate for you at this time...there's not enough information.
2007-11-26 12:47:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What was the issue with your family? I hope you're not jail bait to him so your parents threatened his career? I say date while he's away...and when he comes back and you two start talking again and seeing eachother and you find out that you still want to be with him...then you can easily drop the other guy like a rock. Have your cake and eat it too....just eat with a spoon. I like ice cream.
2007-11-26 11:40:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is hiding something and is trying to keep his options open in case he meets someone else over there (I'm sorry to have to break this to you, sweetie!) I say make no commitment to him RIGHT NOW, but keep in touch with him while he is gone (trust me, soldiers LOVE mail and support from loved ones!) date other guys while he is gone, and see if something happens with someone else. Make sure to let this guy know your intentions BEFORE he deploys, OK? Also, while this guy is gone, if you do start dating other guys, let them know also about your friend who is deployed. Like the saying always goes: 'If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it is yours, if it does not, it never was'
2007-11-26 11:46:04 · answer #5 · answered by Derby Girl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nipe, don't wait move on..he is using the iraq war thingy as an excuse, he's trying to tell you something but you're to blind to see it....MOVE ON!
2007-11-26 11:39:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
if you love him that much yeah wait, if he love you wait for him. if you want a life with him wait. do what your heart says follow it, your heart never lies.
2007-11-26 11:58:50 · answer #7 · answered by mike g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me you have a delema. try to stop him, if you can't tell him not to do anything stupid. i know not good advise
2007-11-26 11:38:00 · answer #8 · answered by Justin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋