Twas The Night Before Xmas, (Woman's Version).
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need?!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The egg nog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret, says,
"What's taking so long ... aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shakey and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED
2007-11-26 09:39:03 · 8 answers · asked by sweetpea 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
yes indeed it is very good, thanks for your poem.... you should print it out on Christmas stationary and sent to friends and family. my wife and i love it
2007-11-26 09:59:57 · answer #1 · answered by walterknowsall 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
... sounds like a bunch of bitchin to me...
jk it was hilarious LMAO!!!
2007-11-26 17:44:20 · answer #2 · answered by Nate 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he he he he ha ha ha ha
2007-11-26 17:46:02 · answer #3 · answered by Marci_Bby♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Haha...have you been following me... that's me at Christmas!!!!
2007-11-26 17:46:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
cute
2007-11-27 04:24:51 · answer #5 · answered by lyn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
O-K.........????????? SO, what is the point again? was i suppose to laugh cos right am f****** lost lol
2007-11-26 17:47:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
good one!!!
2007-11-26 18:58:12 · answer #7 · answered by Elia 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need?!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The egg nog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret, says,
"What's taking so long ... aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shakey and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED
'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need?!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The egg nog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret, says,
"What's taking so long ... aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shakey and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED
'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need?!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The egg nog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret, says,
"What's taking so long ... aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shakey and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED
'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need?!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The egg nog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret, says,
"What's taking so long ... aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shakey and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED
'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need?!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The egg nog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret, says,
"What's taking so long ... aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shakey and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED
2007-11-26 18:06:14 · answer #8 · answered by ozzy a 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋