My cat and my husband don't get along - what should I do?

Question

I got my cat as a former stray from the SPCA 3 yrs ago and she got along well with my boyfriend until we got married over a month ago and he moved in (prior to that, he visited on weekends). Since one week before the wedding she started hissing at him and hasn't stopped. She bit him once, too. It is obvious she is jealous, but what should we do? The current situation is torture both for us and for her. We are thinking of sending her back to the SPCA, especially now that it is the holidays - maybe her chances of re-adoption into a good home will be high.

Answer 1

Please don't send kitty back to the SPCA! She needs time to adjust to having another person around. My husband and I recently got married and adopted kitty after we were married, and because im at home all day with kitty and my hubby is at work my kitty naturally bonded more with me than my husband. This made kitty quite hostile as well. Does your hubby not maybe try play too rough with kitty, as iv noticed although my husband doesn't mean to (he has never had a cat before, only dogs) he can play a bit rough with kitty, thus making kitty feel he has to defend himself from my husband through hissing, biting etc. I would suggest leaving kitty alone with your husband sometimes in a room, and your husband use a soft tone around him. Also try letting your husband feed kitty sometimes, and that should make it hard for kitty not to warm up to your husband!

Answer 2

This is a GREAT question!!! The answer is DON'T PANIC!!!
And don't get rid of the cat.
I had a similar situation only in reverse, when I was not working, and finally got a job. We had serious problems with our Saki, and great advice from our vet. Pets do suffer from stress like humans. And if a personal situation, like yours, ie" new person in the house ALL the time, the cat can and MAY stress!
Attention, time, Patience, and understanding from both of you, and directed to your cat will solve the problem.
Trust me in this, cats are amazingly smart, and will adjust! This little wonder of yours has had all your attention for all of its life, and now you brought someone else into his or her life to be shared. It can be very stressful, and they just don't understand like you and I.
I'm also a little botherd when people are so ready to give up a loving pet like an old pair of shoes, when a little problem crops up, c-mon, he's a member of the family!!! The three of you can handle it!!!
Your other option, get him a playmate, so his attention isn't focused on you so much. Sure they'll hiss and fight for a couple weeks, but after that they'll be fine.
What ever your decision, good luck!!! Tom

Answer 3

Don't delude yourself about an older cat finding a home at ANY time of the year.

Try some flower essences on her. It's only about $20 for a bottle. You can go to http://www.spiritessence.com and read about using them with cats and other animals. Dr. Jean Hovfe has a mixture called "New Beginnings" which could help her. You can also get a bottle of Bach Walnut from the local health food store. I prefer Dr. Hovfe's mixtures as there are many essences in them and if one there is not appropriate it won't affect the cat negatively in any way and something there will hit the mark and help her adjust better.

You just shake the bottle well and put three to four drops on the fur between the cat's ears. You use them four to five times a day for a week or ten days or until you see the behavior change for the better. They are for emotional healing and adjustment and cannot harm her in any way.

Answer 4

Why do so many people say "get rid of the husband"? That's a pretty sick joke. The marriage covenant comes first. That being said, I agree with the people who suggested letting him take over the feeding. Cats usually don't hiss and bite unless they feel cornered. If your husband doesn't both her, she won't bother him. You will all adapt and come to some sort of peaceful coexistence, even if it means that your cat and your husband don't interact much. It would be far worse for your cat if you dumped her off at the SPCA. My parents did that to my cat one day while I wasn't home. Let me tell you...the memory still tears me up inside. Knowing that she loved me so much and I can never be there for her again like she needs. I don't even know if she's dead or alive today. If she is alive she would be about 17. That was years ago and it stings like yesterday, even after I adopted another cat. Bottom line, give it a lot of thought and make sure you're absolutely at peace with whatever decision you make.

Answer 5

She feels like her place in the order of things is threatened. If she's from the SPCA there's a chance she may have been neglected or abused by a man that lived in the home. That may be why she's acting toward your husband as she does... maybe it's bringing up bad memories for her.. I say giver her a little time, and he stay away from the cat and let her get used to the situation. :-) Best of luck!

Answer 6

A cat is not disposable. How can you ever think of giving her away? That will hurt her so much! If you say you think of her, for being jealous, can you imagine what it will do to her to send her away? Not to mention that she will probably be killed and not find a home! They will get used to each other! Time will make things OK. My cat was so jealous when we got the new kitten, and it took a few months, but now they sleep together!

Answer 7

I'm not sure jealousy is the issue, but she is upset by the change in the household. Have your husband go slow with her, not force himself on her in terms of holding her or even touching her. But you might put him in charge of feeding for awhile. That might turn her around.

I work with a humane society and adoptions go down this time of year - people travel and have guests and can't adopt now. And many have heeded the advice not to adopt when there is a lot of holiday confusion in the house.

Answer 8

Oh my Goodness why would you do that to that poor Cat?? if you and him had a Kid together and the kid would argue with him would you adopt your kid out??????????
Maybe your Husband does something to the cat behind your back... Animals usually sense when someone doesn't like them... Get the Husband to spend time with the cat and spoil it with treats... give the animal a chance!

Answer 9

You made a promise you would take care of that cat when you got it. Kittens get adopted from the spa cats get killed

How about giving it time and finding a better solution

Answer 10

Since it's the holidays her chance of adoption is actually much LOWER. SPCAs are stuffed full of abandoned pets this time of year.

How about asking your VET?!