I have been engaged since Jan 1 , 07 but we keep flip flopping on a date. I am still in college and he is in the real world but we live together. We somehow cant come up with a suitable date. We can't agree on who pays for what either as I am a broke college student and he is working full time.
2007-11-26 08:30:16 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
we talked about the courthouse but he googled it ( like everything else ) and says that such a percent ends in divorce. I want an extra small wedding, only immediate family!
2007-11-26 08:42:44 · update #1
So he's basing HIS marriage on studies????????
PUH-lease.
With that type of attitude it will be bound for divorce.
It isn't statistics he should be worried about.
If you both want to get married then get married.
Have the smallest wedding (you both and your parents and immediate family) at someone's house. Ask your best friend to become ordained ( http://www.ulc.org if its allowable in your state ). Then have a party there.
How long until you are out of college? Perhaps give yourselves time to save up for a little bigger wedding.
Remember, your wedding day is about you two becoming one, not statistics!
2007-11-27 05:59:33 · answer #1 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi and congratulations!
I am not trying to be mean....really, but it seems that you two have "issues." What's holding you up from setting a date? Why can't you agree? I do see about the money issues. It's not fair if he expects you to pay 1/2 if you are a broke college student and he is working full-time.
Seems that you two need to work out a few issues. And I totally do not agree with the statement that those who marry in a courthouse get divorced more than those who do not. There is a 50% divorce rate across the country...it doesn't matter if you were married in a courthouse, in a park, or in a church.
If you do want something really small....then it should not be very hard to plan. Just have immediate family and a few friends. Get married in someone's house, backyard, or a park. Have a small little reception after. It doesn't cost a whole lot of money if you go "outside the box" and look around at different venues. Get an informal wedding dress, carry a few flowers, have him in a suit, have a maid of honor and best man, get a marriage license, find a judge or justice of the peace to perform the wedding, send out a few invitations, have some food and drinks! Easy!
2007-11-26 12:17:38 · answer #2 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to small weddings i almost always tell people to check out destination weddings. It may sound expensive...but in the long run can save you money. If you aren't really wanting a unique wedding then some hotels have wedding packages with everything included: hotel room, food, flowers, music etc. And plus if you get married in a good honeymood spot you can just stay for your honeymoon after friends and family leave.
If this is just not an option, you need to sit down with your fiance and be 100% honest about your finances and what you can afford...do you work? Or just a student...obviously if you have even a part time job you might be able to pay for more than you think. Perhaps your parents can help out a little bit? Both sets that is. I think once you sit down and have an honest conversation with your fiance you'll both feel more at ease during the planning
2007-11-26 19:22:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Another way to handle the budget is not to determine who pays for what but to decide how much you can afford and put it into a single bank account. That way you have the money there to divide among everything that needs to be payed for rather than saying i didn't get the venue i wanted because so-n-so didn't live up to their side of the bargain.
Say you want to put a total of $10,000 in the account and he does the same. It doesn't have to be in one go, small installments are ok as long as the amount is there in the end. Suddenly you both have $20,000 to spend on the wedding and there is no way to say one bought more than the other. You might even find that people around you want to contribute and you can then just add what they want to to the fund and you divide it up from there.
As for picking the date what i did was print out a calendar for each month (one month to an A4 page) and put a cross through the birthdays of people in the bridal party, marked all the holidays, special events (eg. graduation). I then went through times where i could get leave or was on school break so i didn't need to stress about the honeymoon. Then i got my fiance to mark all his special days on the same calendar pages. After factoring in the minimum recommended time required to get a dress made, invitations etc etc it left us with a month of dates that we were both 'available'. We then decided on a day of the week which left us with 4 days then all we had to do was find a venue we liked and see which of those days it was available. Got someone else to pick the exact day but knew any one of our four options would suit our plans
2007-11-26 14:45:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down one night with a calendar, mark off dates that don't work with your college schedule & have him do the same with his work schedule. Set your budget (then plan to go over by at least $500-$1000) Give yourselves enough time to plan the type of wedding you want - if your having a big, expensive wedding give yourself at least 10-12 months, a small, sensible wedding - give yourself 6 months. Finances are a little trickiers, he knows your in college & until your done & working your financial contribution will be minimal. Make a list of your monthly finances together & be honest & let him konw the amount you could contribute if any. If he isn't comfortable with this amount, talk about postponing the wedding til your through with college & working. The one thing I would not do, is quit college to get married. Believe me the extra $$ earned from your degree will make marriage & financial planning a lot less stressfull for the both of you. Be patient & be sure to communicate honestly with each other.
2007-11-26 08:50:04 · answer #5 · answered by Maya 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I got engaged on Jan 1, 2007 as well :)
I think paying should be a joint thing, if you guys will be taking care of eachother in the future. If you're not ready for a wedding, you can just have a civil ceremony. If you want the ceremony to come with a wedding with family and friends and food, then wait till you can financially afford it. My fiance and I just graduated college in May, and I'm continuing on with my school while he works full time, but we're waiting until next october to get married (so we can afford to feed people and get a nice wedding).
It depends on what you want and what you have. You can always get legally married now, and have a vow renewal later with family and friends.
2007-11-26 08:49:48 · answer #6 · answered by Mee 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go for a very small wedding if you want to get married right away... the courthouse is good for doing a quick/no-nonsense wedding.
I would say wait a while and talk to your parents about financial contributions. I would think that the best time of year for you would be in the summer or winter as that's when you breaks from school are. It takes a lot of preparation so make sure you are able to put all the money, time and effort into it. Good luck!
2007-11-26 08:39:35 · answer #7 · answered by katysru19 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, that's a bit tough.
Agreeing on a budget and who pays for what is crucial. Do you have family who will be helping you pay for the event or is it only on the two of you? If money is an issue, perhaps a small intimate wedding (about $5000) is suitable. If you want a very large event, you will need to shell out big bucks....that means you getting a job on top of going to school and saving every penny you've got.
Maybe you could set a date a year or 2 from now....that would give you more time to finish school, accumulate funds, and plan your event.
2007-11-26 08:35:33 · answer #8 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it doesnt matter how you get married, as long as there are marriages there are divorces, just try not to be one! anyway, first pick a time of year that you like (winter, spring, summer, fall), that narrows it down to about 3 months of the year. then pick a year, do you want to wait til you are graduated to get married, or wait til you are graduated to even start planning? how long will it take you? most people want at least a year. its fall now and if you want a winter wedding I would say next year is fine, but if you want a summer wedding I would wait til 09. once you have those things narrowed down start looking into locations that you would like to see what is available and also see if there are anythings going on with family members that might make them unable to come (graduations, kids in school, other weddings, annual events, etc), this will help you a lot!
2007-11-26 12:02:45 · answer #9 · answered by flutterflie04 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you'renot ready b/c you can't afford it. There is nothing wrong with that. However, you need to identify that. Don't pick a date now. Maybe just a year? If you are graduating in 2008, set your date for sometime in 2009.
No offense, but you might have gotten engaged too early. If you can't pick a date, either one of two issues is the problem. One, you don't really want to marry each other. Two, you realize you can't afford to start a life together. I'm not talking about paying for a wedding either.
Do you work at all? If not, marriage might not be a good option right now. Do you get financial aid? If you do and you get married; kiss your financial aid goodbye (you have dual incomes now-if you work). Do you have health insurance? If you are on the school based insurance or your parents, you'll have to get rid of it once you get married. This is the stuff I mean by financial.
Finish School First. Get Married about year AFTER you graduate and get a job.
2007-11-26 08:44:10 · answer #10 · answered by J'adore 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋