Why can't I keep a boyfriend? (guys most appreciated)?

Question

not that I'm looking to settle down or anything since I'm only 19, I just like to be in a long relationship like a year or at least longer than 3 mos. (as usual) I'm nice, smart, funny, faithful, and it isn't like I'm the over jelous type that can get all psycho,a prude or ugly, I'm just getting into part time runway modeling and I'm not snobbly like some of you might be thinking. I admit I have flaws like being brutally honest at times, having bipolar disorder and OCD but I don't get mean just pestimistic but I'm working on that. but I see girls with more flaws like suddenly punching their bf for something he did last week, or cheat and alot of them are ugly. and I never do any of that and never will. I just don't get it, why else will I be asking anonamous avatars lol I know a father plays a big part in a girls love life, I grew up without one, when I met at 15 him he turned out to be abusive I haven't spoken to him in 3 years now, was I born "doomed"?

btw, I'm not a scary flat-chested skeleton like some of the runway models lol

I've been seeing a psychiatrist since 11 so I have that covered.

Answer 1

I was taught in the Army, a Total Quality Management (TQM) class at work, church, and college, that the first step in solving a problem is to identify it. The next step is to brainstorm solutions. The third step is analyze and choose the best step. The fourth step is to implement the best solution. The fifth step is review the effectiveness of the solution and to return to step 3 if necessary. The problem with most people is that they are either too prideful to admit a problem or too foolish to correct it and instead go around their whole lives suffering from their hardships. You already did the hardest step by wanting to change your behavior and admitting your flaws.

Let's start looking at each one, starting with the brutal honesty, which you demonstrated by listing 4 of your own flaws. With your faithfulness, that shows strong ethics that really makes this a wash as you are very trustworthy, but very often the brutal part hurts somebody's feelings. Try complimenting first, then your comments will be better received. As Gary Smalley puts it, you should make deposits before you make withdrawals. Also, you can make a suggestion that instead of mentioning the bad problem, it mentions the good result. That changes criticism to encouragement. An example would be instead of saying "Your dress looks like two pigs wrestling under a blanket," say something like "That dress is cut to fit an apple shape. Try this dress that is cut to better fit your hourglass figure." That really works with somebody who has heard of the comparison of figures to apples, pears, and hourglasses.

The missing father part is quite common. Remember half of all marriages end in divorce and that has been said for most, if not all, of your lifetime, so roughly have of all people have had to endure the same thing. The statistic is debatable with some marriages ending after the kids are raised, some children growing up out of wedlock, and some people getting divorced multiple times, but the point is that the disfunctional family is very common. Many more marriages that don't end in divorce still have a dad that does not model the best father figure. You can realize your situation is not all that uncommon and at least you learned he was too abusive to live with anyway. So your mother protected you from the abuse. I would say you were not born doomed, but average and have the chance and apparently the will to mature without his help.

You listed several strengths such as you are nice, smart, funny, faithful, and later you said you were not flat-chested and thin or ugly like so many other models. You also seem wise to not want to settle down at 19 and to work on improving yourself. You just need to be patient as you are only 19 and seem to be a jewel who has just had not found a guy who can handle the bipolar disorder as it is your biggest weakness a guy will struggle with. Women are hard enough to figure out, let alone when they are showing different personalities. On top of that, you have been dating other socially maturing young men who are still learning the differences of the sexes. Good luck for now and expect the men to start maturing so you will start meeting guys who can stick to the relationship longer.

Answer 2

You need to ask your old boyfriends why they broke up with you. Chances are it's your mood swings of which you may not even be aware. People with your disorder can become very difficult to deal with during an episode often becoming verbally abusive and throwing tantrums without even realizing it. Many times you may not even remember the incident the next day.

You will need to find an extremely understanding boyfriend with enormous patience who can endure your mood swings. There's a few guys like that out there but they're exceedingly rare. Keep looking, stay on your meds and good luck.

Answer 3

Hey, Lizzy. Sorry you're having a hard time attracting a guy.

I won't give you my name, but maybe my profile will make me seem a bit less anonymous... :)

Best I know to tell you is that you're looking for a higher caliber of fella; one who's as confident and out-going as you are. That's tough in your age range but should get easier as you get further along in college.

The bipolar/OCD thing can be a little weird to deal with. Sorry but it's true. However since you know that's something you have to deal with, you're already working on it.

It'll be really important for you to know what you want in a guy. What qualities and behaviors are absolutely required, and which ones can be negotiated.

Answer 4

Not necessarily doomed but you may need some therapy for the bipolar and OCD. Those 2 factors can make it very difficult for a guy in his late teens and early 20's to keep going in a relationship.

Answer 5

Miss Lizzy, Dear first off accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. Hon at 19 you are still a very young lady ! Just concentrate on being the best young lady that you can be and mr. right will one day cross your path ! The lord takes care of his children !

Answer 6

dont sleep with them right away make them wait if you make them wait already maybe dont make them wait as long some time too long can turn a guy off no matter how good you look and the bipolar ocd keep that to yourself for a while

Answer 7

here is an advice bipolar disorder needs treatment, if you are under treatmentm, then meet aguy let him know you more, then when u feel confident enough you tell him u are bipolar, if someone loves you they will accept you with your good and bad qualities, and yes it affects to grow up without a father figure.. dont stress about a relationship, that happens, the right one will come,, dont look for love , love will come to u when u less expect.. lov e yourself

Answer 8

hmm from the looks of it, it sounds like it has nothing to do with you youve just been unfortunate its the dumb guys who keep ending it!! i wish there were girls like you near me that were single it seems like every one i run into is dating already
where do you happen to live? haha
idk what to say im guessing youre in college so meet a guy there and eventually something will work out for you just give it time like you said youre not ready to settle down right now anyway

Answer 9

No not at all, you just havent found the one that is right for you.
Consider what your type is and maybe its time to look at what you need and not what you like. You might be happier!
Good Luck!

Answer 10

maybe the guys you dated are not right for you and you probably need a sensitive guy and you shouldnt be concern over other people. and some people may think your high maintenace