advice for dealing with a very imature teenager?

Question

he lives with myself and my partner. he has very mild dyspraxia and now he has gone through puberty he has improved a lot, but he is ver imature.
he is now 16 and left school, and is at college doingengineering. he seems very keen to do well after scraping by at school and hating most days there.
he is driving me mad though as he just takes things and does with them what he likes despite 9our repeated requests that he doesnt. when i say take i mean for ex, he decided to turn our shed into a den for him and mates, while we were at work. he carried my partners telly down there, god he could hve dropped it and has also dragged seats down there from the house that dont belong to us. ive asked him not to have his mates inthe house while im at work (i work full time andpartner does too) but he just carries on inviting them in. shud i expect him not to have friends around. i have tol him i dont mind when im there. he used to leave dishes around but he is learning to tidy them away

Answer 1

You need to set some rules & claim your home back. It's time for some tough love if you don't want him still living at home with this same attitude at 30. It is your home, you pay the bills, you make the rules. He will continue to do whatever behavior you allow him to get away with. If he won't follow the rules, ask him to leave. It sounds harsh, but would you rather be harsh now or still be faced with this in 10 years, because I promise you, it will not get better, & you are enableing him. It is really the only way to help him.

Answer 2

Hi, 16 is a very difficult age because young people are still youths and not yet an adult but are expected to be adult all of a sudden. I think at this age, they still need to follow household rules. You should set the rules, be consistent with them and show authority as a parent but not get strappy or shouting as your son will only rebel against you. Good communication is essential. The best approach is to show him that you are listening to what he says and what he wants to do, but also that you both need to reach a compromise. Tell your son that if he wants to move things around in or from the house, then he asks permission first. Maybe you could buy him a TV for his den for a Christmas present? Sounds like your son needs a space to hang out with his mates. Is he allowed to take his mates to another room in the house or keep them to his bedroom rather than all over the house? He is learning to tidy up after himself, so be patient and calmly teach him to do other things that you think he should be doing at home.

Wishing you the best of luck with everything x

Answer 3

Here are some simple rule:

1. Partners/spouses should ONLY make REQUESTS of each other - no demands or orders should ever be given.

2. Parents should ONLY make DEMANDS/ORDERS of their children - never requests.

3. If a child does not abide by a demand/order, then the child receives an appropriate punishment for failing to obey orders.

4. No failure to obey should go unpunished. A punishment must be given each and every time.

For your situation - I imagine that you will have to lock him out of the house. Take away his key. Tell him to find an after school job or activity or go to the library until you return from work. He should not have access to the house unless an adult is home because he has shown he can't be trusted. Get an alarm system for the house if you must.

Answer 4

Well, you have to start setting ground rules. He is not taking you seriously, probably because he has been able to have whatever he wants in life with no consequences. Just by telling him "no, you can't do this", but not doing anything about it, won't help. When he leaves at some point take everything out of the shed and lock it up. If he keeps taking your things, punish him by taking items from him that he adores, and locking them up also, telling him that if he doesn't start following you orders, as it is your home, then he doesn't deserve the things that he takes for granted. It's your electricity, so turn off everything that he is using until he starts to understand. If you don't want those other kids over, talk to their parents about them coming to your house without your permission, and ask them for some help by watching over what their kids are doing. Also, lock up everything you don't want those kids into. They will become bored of your home if there is nothing to do, such as no TV to watch because everything is off, and nothing to get into because everything is locked up. It will be a little inconvenient to you for a little while, but he will start to learn that he can't have everything his way,
Also, sit down with him and talk with him calmly. Tell him you don't mind him staying there, but there is ground rules.

Answer 5

Search his room and see if he's doing drugs. Teens can hide a lot... I used to be one. He seems very defiant and untouched at the fact that you are unhappy with his behavior. This is how a lot of teens with an addiction act. If you feel bad about going through his things, don't. He doesn't respect you, therefore he has lost the repect you should otherwise give him. And, NO. He can wait to have his friend's over until he moves into HIS home. That is YOUR home whether he likes it or not. Good luck!

Answer 6

First change the lock so he cant get in.

That puts you in control.

Now consider your own maturity are you grown up enough to accept that this is no longer a child but a young adult who needs desperately your respect and attention just as you did at that age. Get interested in what he is doing o wants to do and in his achievements.

Let him have the shed but make sure he knows about safe sex and drug and alcohol abuse

In short give him his space but only entry into your space on your terms

Above all never forget you were at that stage once

Answer 7

Tell him since he can't follow the rules, you'll just have to hire him a babysitter. And do just that. Oh, wait, he's 16 in college. Well, tell him it's time for him to get a job and start pulling his own weight. McDonald's, Hardees, BK, and any other burger joint will hire him. WalMart, KMart, Target, and any other store will hire him. And if he doesn't, have him declared a legal adult and boot his hind end out.

Answer 8

What are his consequences for his actions. There must be some kind of reinforcement to make take you seriously. You need to have positive reinforcement, by saying do or else. Then if he does not comply, you need negative reinforcement, by saying he cannot have friends over at all, until he learns to behave. You won't like it at first nor will he, but you need to make him suffer the consequences for not obeying. It is your place of residence, he is basically your guest. That is the biggest thing, reinforcement, otherwise he will continue to walk on you.

Answer 9

maybe allow him to have friends over... but give him a limit of how many friends... give him a time limit... tell him to ASK you for things instead of just doing them, and give him permission. You just have to experiment a little bit. Don't let him walk all over you... maybe even have a friend drop by to make sure they're not doing anything too horrible but honestly to me he doesn't sound that bad, and to turn a shed into a den for his friends & he isn't that bad of an idea if you ask me... maybe he just needs his own space?

Answer 10

Who is the adult? Then it's time to be that adult! Your house your rules! If he doesn't want to comply, then I would suggest you as a family go for counciling, and get him the help he needs. Tough love is always hard, but the rewards are rewarding. Good Luck! Will keep you all in prayer.