Tomorrow I'm going to a funeral for an atheist. My parents- being my parents- hired a Christian CONSULTANT to help set up the funeral... who obviously set it up to be a traditional Christian funeral.
The lady giving the sermon is a very enthusiastic and very forceful preacher who left a bad taste in my mouth from the last funeral I attended (she spent 1 hour talking about how we all need JESUS to be saved- a notion that would have caused the deceased to become VERY angry). I feel her behavior is inappropriate for this funeral- but because I didn't set the thing up, I have no choice in the matter- She's doing it.
Would it be incredibly rude of me, as a pallbearer, to leave during the Church service? I feel giving him a Christian funeral is incredibly disrespectful, and the person whose funeral I am attending was VERY close with me... in my opinion, preaching Jesus at his funeral is doing him a great disservice in this case.
2007-11-26 07:16:55 · 61 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
It was my grandfather.
My mom decided on the services, but had someone make all the arrangements for her. I don't blame my mom for making the arrangement with the consultant (planning a funeral is difficult and depressing)- I'm just angry that she didn't take his attitude toward that sort of thing into account...
2007-11-26 12:36:18 · update #1
If your friend's atheistic beliefs are wrong, then he's going to be mortified.
If his beliefs are correct, he won't have the foggiest.
2007-11-26 07:24:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Why are your parents setting it up? Was this person a relative?
As a Christian I can understand her desire to include Jesus and his Salvation in the service. Yet the service should be tailored to the individual who has died. Can you speak with the minister? Maybe giving her some insight into the person can help shape a better sermon. Sadly some people do not like any "input" if they have already decided on what to do.
Another possibility is to ask to speak at the funeral. As a close friend they should want you to speak. But please do not try to "balance" an overly zealous preacher. Focus on your friend and how he impacted your life.
One last thought is that in many ways funerals are for the living. Hopefully you and the preacher can make a better experience than you had at the last funeral.
Good Luck.
2007-11-26 07:29:21 · answer #2 · answered by paintingj 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I take it that this person was your Brother or Sister.
I think you ought to give this a little thought. A funeral is not so much for the dead as the living allowing them time to mourn in a proper way which for your parents is a Christian way. They would want the deceased to be with Jesus even if he decided it was nonsense.
If you can not put up with an hour to help your parents cover their loss it says more about you than them or the deceased. Given that he was an Atheist and as far as he is concerned it is THE END what is the problem. He body is actually being treated in a respectful manner albeit in a way he perhaps would not quite have wished. Frankly I do not think it is time to stand on high principles because I do not see what you have to gain except self satisfaction at causing resentment and possibly a family fued
2007-11-26 07:28:20 · answer #3 · answered by Scouse 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That is amazingly disrespectful. You are right, you have no choice because you did not set things up. So since you are a pallbearer, bear on. But if you can quietly and politely excuse yourself during the service, then I don't really see why not. I agree with you. It is a great disservice. One of the principal reasons for a funeral is to pay respect to the dead, isn't that so? One cannot do that by deliberately going against everything the person believed.
I am sorry you lost your friend in death.
Hannah J Paul
2007-11-26 07:33:26 · answer #4 · answered by Hannah J Paul 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure others will view it as rude. But I don't see it that way. I wouldn't have hired a Christian consultant to handle an atheists funeral to begin with. I think I would have just had a short service and allowed family members and friends to talk about him and then be done with it.
I can NOT stand those types of preachers who use a funeral to try to get people "saved"!!!! It's HORRIBLE! They are playing on people's emotions and it shouldn't be allowed! They did this **** at my mother-in-laws funeral. She would have rolled over if she could! The woman was a Christian, but she hated that sort of thing and would have been apalled that they did it at her funeral. My husband was thoroughly disgusted and we almost left the funeral because of it (the preacher kept going on about how if you don't believe, you're going to hell.... my husband is a Deist and I'm Heathen). We finally got someone to cut him off short and ended the funeral rather quickly and quietly.
If you can find someone to cut her off or to let her know it needs to be drastically short, then it wouldn't be too bad... but if she goes on and on... I wouldn't blame you a bit for leaving. You can always honor him other ways. It doesn't have to be done at the funeral.
Sorry to hear about your loss. And I hope the funeral ends short and peacefully.
2007-11-26 07:57:45 · answer #5 · answered by River 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think it would be rude leave in the middle of the service if you are a pallbearer. I would either sit through service, or decline to be a pallbearer. If you decline, you should then go to the viewing and say your goodbyes there; maybe go to the burial service as well if you like. A funeral is not a time to make a statement...people are grieving.
May I suggest asking yourself what your grandfather would want you to do?
2007-11-29 18:55:23 · answer #6 · answered by frenzy-CIB- Jim's with Jesus 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is he having a christian burial? Why would you have a bad taste left in your mouth over the last funeral she gave? You didn't say anything. Just tell your parents and the preacher that they can call you back in to carry out the casket after the funeral. They do know that you are an Atheist don't they?
2007-11-26 08:28:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this person was close enough that your parents were in-charge of the funeral you cannot leave. You cannot leave no matter what. I understand that they have chosen to disrespect his memory by going against his beliefs. But for you to go further by not being there takes you down to their level. What you can do is learn from this. You need to make sure you have a last will and testament that outlines what you want for your funeral. That way they can't do this to you.
2007-11-26 07:22:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If his atheism is wrong he knows it by now and a sermon about Jesus is locking the stable door after the horse has been stolen.
If his atheism is right he won't be offended. If I were you I wouldn't leave the service. In spite of appearances the funeral is not about the preacher. It is about the deceased. Stay out of respect for your grandfather and other family members.
2007-11-26 14:57:10 · answer #9 · answered by Warren D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What is your relationship to the deceased since you mentioned that your parents are taking care of the funeral? Let your feelings be known to your parents and ask them why they are doing it their way. Then have peace in the knowledge that your friend/relative who has passed is so far beyond what they were here on earth. They will not have those same connections and feeling as they did when they were living. Celebrate their life in your own way at your own time. Maybe organize a seperate event yourself.
2007-11-26 07:23:26 · answer #10 · answered by meltzie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yikes. I can totally understand the temptation to voice this. I just went to a funeral for a friend who had believed in God but not all of the dogma associated with him, but the funeral was all about God and barely even mentioned my friend. But sansfear is right: it's for the living anyway. I'd say bite the bullet and be respectful. I'm sorry for your loss, though!
2007-11-26 07:32:56 · answer #11 · answered by ZombieTrix 2012 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋