Did I drive her away?? Mature answers appreciated.?

Question

This happened almost two years ago, so keep that in mind.
I've done a LOT of thinking about it, and have come to my own conclusions, but need some opinions/answers.

My ex-girlfriend, let's call her Jane, met me while I was still broken up over being dumped by a previous girlfriend one year prior.
I turned 'Jane' down at first, but soon learned to love her - I *think*. In retrospect, I never did love her in the same way as my first gf (the one previous).

'Jane' put up with my constant depression over cra**y life events, my ex, school woes, me not having any money, etc. I never was into having sex as much as she was either, and I wasn't very secure in myself as a person, though she kept saying she was fine with that. I wasn't confident in the whole relationship thing anyways, being a little gun-shy over the previous one and that horrible breakup.

She kept saying she loved me more than anything...and I think she really did... :-(

She told me innumerable times that she wanted to spend her life with me.

I often kept telling her that I was a worthless person, that I was a loser, that she should find someone better.

Eventually, she left me.

Did I drive her away.
And why, oh, why, did I ruin that? :-(

Answer 1

I dont think you intentionally drove her away, but your unwillingness to accept her love did drive her away. I think you are just so scarred from the previous relationship that you were too gunshy to let her get close and ACCEPT her love. It may be too late, but why not call her and see if she is willing to try again. I pushed someone away once due to a really bad past and now that person is my husband and I would not trade him for anything. Dont let your fears sabotage your future happiness.

Answer 2

Sorry, but ya you did. I know a guy like that and he has ruined many relationships because of it! You need to get over that first relationship and know that you can love someone just as good if not better! Be MORE confident. Know that YOU DO have something to offer! We need more confident men and women. If you want to mend things with "Jane" meet up with her and tell her all your feelings and that you are sorry and that you now understand that you need to change and be more confident in yourself and that you want to try to work things out. Look you can love again! Don't keep looking in the past but look at now and whats ahead, and be positive. Good luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 3

I think you may have driven her away. I know that it is tough to get over old relationships, but when they fail you have to move on. In fact accepting someone new is the best way to move on I have found. If she loved you half as much as you seem to think she did, and she hasn't moved on herself, you still have a chance with her. She should be able to make you feel good about yourself, that is part of how a relationship affects people. I think you should call her, talk to her. Talk to her on a regular basis, see if you have any feelings for her. Like I was saying before, you may still have a chance with her, finding someone who truly loves you for you is getting pretty rare these days and when you do, embrace that and don't let her go for anything. The most important thing is to go with your heart. Good luck, always remember, no matter how many problems you have, there is always someone with more problems than you.

Answer 4

I think maybe so, negativity as a constant, can get annoying. It's hard to believe she loved you if she left though. It's hard to love someone when they don't give their whole self to you. When part of you is with another person. I believe everything happens for a reason. I think she was in your life to help you get over the other one. You really need to be on your own before jumping into another relationship other than friendship. Take care.

Answer 5

You did drive her away. But sometimes it is better to have loved and lost then not love at all. Its all something that was meant for you to learn and live with! Sometimes people are better off not to be with us because we are depressed! I give her props for sticking with you no matter what and wanting to help you out. But because you did not accept the love that she was giving to you and showing her some she eventually got emotionally drained and left!
I know you said that you already came to your own conclusions but this is what I think. I have been in that situation before and eventually he left me. We are still friends and I still love him for him being there for me..but I don't think that I was so bad that I told him he was better off with someone else. But its a chapter in your book and a lesson learned. It is when we are receiving the love that we can not see it and we are blind to it. When it is no longer presented to us we miss it enough to see what we have lost!
When breaking up with someone it is always hard...she saw you when you were valunerable and took you under her wing. But because you were unable to get over you ex she did what she could. I say..its time to move on abd live as if you have never loved before!

Answer 6

You drove her away for sure........ BUT she technically never had you. You never gave it a true shot.

You were so miserable and distraught over your life and your break-up, that you allowed yourself to fall into tunnel vision. This new girl came into your life for a reason.

She was there for you, wanted to be with you, and loved you IN SPITE of your b*tching and your whining and your misery. She loved you and wanted you inspite of it all.

You didnt budge. Your ex is your ex for a reason. Its called a break-up because its broken. Your life was in shambles, but you DIDNT WAKE UP to see that someone was there to bring sunshine back into your life.

She tried, she waited, you didnt budge. She tried and waited some more, you still didnt budge. What else was she supposed to do expect to give up? I would have. Point would have been taken.

You lost her and didnt appreciate her when you had her. GET OVER the past.... move forward and stop ignoring the knock of opportunity. Close the past door, and go through the one that has opened.

If you dont, you wont get anywhere. Move forward. Stop standing still. Some of us dont even get a golden chance like you did.

Answer 7

hmmm. I dont' think you should lament about letting her get away, especially from the wording: "I learned to love her". I don't think this is the best you can do in a romantic relationship. You shouldn't have to learn to love someone. Also I hope you figured yourself out, got your life together, got over your depression and have healthier self-esteem and feel more secure. If you haven't, you should focus on yourself and these things before attempting to be in a relationship again.

And let Jane go. stop thinking about her all the time, and move on. It's been two years.

Answer 8

Honestly, yes, you did. You had a lot of emotional baggage and, even with best intentions, there is only so much someone can take of someone's depression and woes. Did you appreciate her when you had her and everything she helped you with? Many women will put up with a lot as long as they feel appreciated. You need to get over the first girlfriend and get over this one. Heal yourself so that next time you find a great girl who loves you, you can be happy and focus on the relationship you are in, not the ones in the past.

Answer 9

You ruined it because you were still stuck on your past. No one wants to hear you mope about your past, and girls like a man that's confident not always having to build his self-esteem. You should have told her that you weren't over the other girl and really dealt with your own issues alone, whether it would have hurt 'Jane' or not.....now you have to deal with the fact that you waited till the well was dry.....and she's gone.

Answer 10

Sorry guy, but yes, you drove her away. You leaned on her pretty hard but how much did you give back to the relationship? Sounds like she stuck it out with you for as long as she could and then came to the realization that until you dropped your excess baggage ( past relationship ) you were never going to be there for her emotionally. A girl can only deal with that for so long before she goes and finds herself someone that will truly appreciate her.