My older sister is engaged! I'm so happy for her & he is a great guy. We are diff as night & day tho. She didn't want to have bridesmaids, which was fine by me. Well now she changed her mind & has asked a friend to be her MOH. That didn't bother me--but now she has asked my cousin's child to be a flower girl (who we only see at Christmas) & another cousin to do the guest book. I am very upset at this. I told my mom that asking cousins & cousins once removed to be in the wedding instead of your only sister is an extreme slight & I am very hurt.
I was married about 2 years ago & my sister was my bridesmaid--but due to her nature, I didn't have her as my MOH. On average she is 3 hours later to every big event & has missed graduations, Christmases, and most birthdays. She turned it around & was actually a great help to me. Since then she's straightened her life around--but I know she felt slighted. Is this merely to get back at me?
Or is my mom right to say it's No Big Deal??
2007-11-26 05:17:40 · 18 answers · asked by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My mom says You know how she is, that's just her. She's so excited she's scatterbrained. But I can't believe anyone (no matter how ditzy) would start asking Bridesmaids and Oops forgot my sister!
My husband isn't even sure he wants to go if she is this way--and that he may Oops we scheduled vacation that week. (Or at least tell her that). I don't feel 2 wrongs make a right, but I'm up for suggestions.
She doesn't answer her phone when I call now so talking is not an option unless I speak to her at Christmas.
2007-11-26 05:21:08 · update #1
I would mention it to her.
That would hurt me very badly as a sister if my sister didn't include me in the wedding party at all.
My sis and I are as different as night and day too and sometimes I cannot stand her but I made her my maid of honor. No questions asked. Blood is blood.
2007-11-26 05:25:30 · answer #1 · answered by Mimi 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
it's her day, so she makes the descisons. She probably does feel that you think she is a bit incompetent, and she would be right. She may be ditsy but on your big day she really got it together. She probably felt hurt that you didn't have faith in her to be so organised and helpful on your wedding day, and that you subsequently gave her a more minor rols. Now it's her wedding, she will want to peace to organise and manage on her own, and to in the end show that she can , and not to have to worry about you watching and having an opinion about how she is running things.
Maybe she had, or felt she had, "turned her life around" BEFORE your wedding, and that was why she was hurt at not getting the chance to be MOH. It's very hurtful when your family won't let you become someone else, or forget your past mistakes, and families are very bad for doing it. It often seems like friends or even strangers are more sympathetic and take you more seriously.
It's maybe because of this that on her wedding day your sister has chosen people she feels won't knock her confidence.
2007-11-26 13:36:24 · answer #2 · answered by Katy S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable to feel hurt and to want to know why she made this decision. It could be as simple as your mother said -- she's probably got a lot on her mind and sometimes the most obvious things are the easiest things to neglect. But unless you were really dead-set on being part of the wedding party, and it sounds like you weren't, it doesn't change the fact that she's your sister and whether or not she realizes it now, she will need her support system of family and friends to make this marriage happen. The next time you get a chance to speak with her, let her know how happy you are for her and that you're available to help, whether it's running a quick errand or just lending a sympathetic ear. Sometimes it's easier to approach someone with an issue from a positive angle and they don't feel the need to be on the defensive.
2007-11-26 14:43:36 · answer #3 · answered by denise25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not skip her wedding over this, that will just make it worse and will only end up making you look bad.
I can't say whether she is trying to get back at you, which would be very immature, or if she does not think of it as a slight like you do. Talk to her about it, or just offer to help if she needs it.
2007-11-26 15:13:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said it yourself. You and your sister are as different as night and day. i would still go to the wedding, at least make an appearance. I think that maybe she does have friends that are closer than you two may be. but none hte less she is still your sister. she will always be. your mom may say that it is no big deal, but i know that i would be hurt by that. as i said before, i would go to the wedding and show your support. I guess that if she ignores you there, even though its her big day, your still family, and i guess htat shows you what kind of person she really is....
2007-11-26 13:36:15 · answer #5 · answered by mandie_me420 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its her wedding and she can include you in the wedding or not. Its her decison. She probably feels closer to her best friend than to you and that was why she made her the MOH. And i doubt that you are wanting to be the flower girl since those are usually kids under 6 or 7 and the guestbook is such a small job. (i dont think ill have anyone doing mine, people are very capable of signing their own name)
There are plenty of things that are left that you can help out with but it really comes down to if your sister wants you to help. If its really bugging you sit down with your sister and talk things out or shoot her an email. You could also say something about wanting to help out the day of the wedding and what does she need help with, she might not know that you want to help out.
2007-11-26 13:25:23 · answer #6 · answered by Whit 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your mom is probably right. She's probably a little off balanced, so dont' blame yourself. I know you feel hurt, but it's in your best interest to consider the source. It doesn't really matter what's in her mind right now. Just remember, you can always show your gratitude by how much you don't put in the envelope at her shower or wedding.
2007-11-26 16:02:17 · answer #7 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't. Obviuolsly, she just want a one person bridal party and only that person can hold the title and she chose her best friend (you already said that you weren't that close).
Anyway, she seems like the type of person that doesn;t particulary care about all teh frills and thrills of a wedding and wanted to keep it as simple as possible, if she has ONE MOH, that's all she wants. If she has a BM then all the other friends and cousins will jump to her throat about not being asked.
I do not want a wedding party myself, but for the sake of my very traditional fiance I'm having 2.
Good luck
2007-11-26 14:30:40 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It's easy for your mom to say "no big deal!" My oldest brother got married several years ago and I wasn't in the wedding. Heck, I wasn't even invited to any bridal shower or bachlorette party. Did I mention that I am my brother's only sister?
I would try and talk to your sister about this - even if you have to go to her house. If not, you will hold a grudge for years.
2007-11-26 13:38:05 · answer #9 · answered by Kate 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing, especially since she is not answering your phone calls, that there are other issues going on there prior to the bridesmaid snub. Perhaps you should work on resolving those other issues with her, then approach the wedding issue. Don't get mad, just say, "I want to let you know that it hurts my feelings that you did not ask me to take part in your wedding." Don't start a fight, just let her know that.
2007-11-26 13:25:43 · answer #10 · answered by Allison L 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋