I want to have a baby.. i want to do it on my own. Is that being selfish? how important is it for a child to know their father.. im sure eventually he/she will want to know.. but until then.. is it selfish for me to want a child of my own? I am in my mid 20s.. Im straight..have my own place...my own home... and yes.. If your wondering if i have been thru some bad relationships in the past and if im jaded by them.. sure i am.. but i want to do this because i am compelled to.. and feel in my heart this is the right thing to do for me.. I just wanted to hear about others peoples experience with this or thoughts.. Thank you.
2007-11-26 03:36:56 · 22 answers · asked by J o 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thanks so much for the positive replies.. and even the not so positive.. I want everyone to know this is not a desicion i am taking lightly... It helps hearing everyones point of view!
2007-11-26 03:51:53 · update #1
interesting.. Im not pregnant right now people. This is something I am thinking about doing.. but have not tried to do yet.. for the guy who said women are selfish creatures lol ha.. men are just as selfish if not more (at times) that was a pretty broad statement.
2007-11-26 03:58:39 · update #2
wow-Phil got his facts from 1983! good job Phil.
my daughter never knew her father-I was with him for 5 years and on birth control when I got pregnant. I choose to keep the baby-he choose to disappear. That was mighty selfish of me! And if I choose to get an abortion-that would have been selfish too-right?
My daughter is fine..straight A student-never in trouble, well adjusted, great kid. I had a huge support system-between family and friends.
If you want to do it-and feel you are financially and mature wise ready-there is NOTHING worong with being a single mom.
2007-11-26 05:27:02 · answer #1 · answered by Willow 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is your life and you do what you want with it!!! Don't ever let someone tell you that what you think or what you want is wrong! You need to make the best decision for you!
Will it affect your child that they do not have a father? I am not going to lie and say no it won't, because that child will always wonder who their father is. Can you make it easier on your child? YES
For those of you who are not single parents and have not had a child out of wedlock and are demeaning single mothers...HOW DARE YOU!!! You have no idea what it is like. Not everyone can have the perfect family situation.
I was a single mother at the age of 19 not by choice but because my son's father was killed when I was pregnant. I now have a 9 year old that while he isn't perfect is a great kid. It is a struggle, and yes my child has been in daycare and had baby sitter's, but would you prefer I lived off the system or showed my son that you need to work in order to have things in life???
2007-11-26 04:40:32 · answer #2 · answered by Storm 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand why you would want to do it on your own, but I really hope you arent underestimating how difficult it actually is. I was 22 when I had my daughter, we (my husband and I) lived with my parents and it was still sooooo hard. I have my husband with me and he is more helpful than some men and I am going crazy now that we have 2 kids. I am 25 and dont regret being so young but just think of the other things that your child may miss out on because you don't have enough help. You may have to work longer hours to make enough money to support the both of you. Also, daycare is extremely expensive and good daycare is hard to find. I just hope you know what you may be getting into. In terms of the importance of a father. If I didnt know or have my father, I would have been lost as a teenager. I dont fit in with my moms family and I am extremely close with my dads side. Also, it is nice to have that partner to turn to at the end of it all, or to back you up in disciplinary situations.
2007-11-26 04:46:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
thats great that you are an accomplished female but i dont thing anychild planned should only have one parent. the reason i say this is there are children who dont have any parents you could adopt one who would be forever grateful. Also it is very hard work parenting how are you going to work and raise a baby? know some women rely on the state which is wrong in so many ways im 26 and i lost a pregnancy and marriage but im ok iknow i have many years ahead of me. If you have a child think about how any guy would feel thet dont want the baggage
2007-11-26 03:52:29 · answer #4 · answered by Kikki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of all the selfish creatures, women who have children out of wedlock are, by far, the most selfish. I note in your question the focus is all about you you you. What you should do, what you should reveal to the child, how you're jaded.
But NOTHING about the consequences for this innocent human you're thrusting on the world. Amazing display of self-centeredness. Go ahead, abandon your newborn into day care for a few years, then school. Report back here in a few years and let us know how this decision is working for you when he/she is a teen.
Edit:
You misread my answer. I never said all women are selfish creatures. You'll make a great mother. Spawn at will.
2007-11-26 03:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by Level 7 is Best 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I find it important for the child to have a father figure, but not necessarily the father himself. A single mom can often be closer to the child than two parents, but i feel they should have a father figure. this can be dad, or can be an uncle or a close friend. just so that they have someone to get fatherly advice and such from.
If you do decide to have a baby, don't let others treat you unfairly by the whole single mom thing. It doesn't matter. what matters is that you are ready, that you love the child, and that you are there for that child for the rest of your life.
2007-11-26 04:16:38 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Always Right 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it is very important. For me I have had a step dad since I was four, but never knew my real father. I have always felt as if I had a part of me missing, like I was not a complete person. I have now found my real father and am astablishing a relationship with him. It is the best feeling ever.......but on the other hand if the child's father is a bad person its a different story!!
2007-11-26 08:57:06 · answer #7 · answered by alhartley01 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is important for the child to know the father in most cases but you seem strong enough that if you raise them right they should't have problems. But see my father was in and out of my life and thats y i am the way i am. you just gotta be strong as a mother. i dont think it is selfish but maybe some guy will come along and that can be the called father for your child
2007-11-26 05:16:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is the same as the child knowing it's mother...the father made that baby just as much as the mother did...just becasue we carry it for 9 months does not give us the right to exclude men on the most important thing in their life too!
I hate women who don't let the father see their kids...yet they expect that fat child support check every week.
2007-11-26 04:49:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Their are so many single mothers out there who have thriving children without a father. As long as you explain that you wanted to have them and that there was no relationship attached to it they should understand. The abadonment issue comes when the father is known and knows about them and chooses a life to leave the child behind. I say if you are at a point in your life where you feel ready and dont want a signifgant other there than more power to you! Just make sure that child knows that you did this alone to start with and that they were not abandoned by their father. Good Luck!
2007-11-26 03:43:22 · answer #10 · answered by desiwallace24 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋