Godparent insists we provide her with Social Security # of our child.?

Question

We recently adopted a 5 year old girl from outside the US. We've no immediate family nearby, and felt that it would be nice if our daughter had "Godparents," although maybe not in the traditional sense. We chose 2 close friends - 2 individuals, not a couple.
The Godmother loves our little girl, and is very interested in her. She recently asked if I'd gotten a social security number for her. I said that we'd just applied (I needed to do so in order to enroll her on our health insurance plan). She then said she wants to open a bank account for our daughter, and needs the social security number.

Neither my husband nor I want to share our daughter's number with anyone. We also feel we should be the ones to open it for our daughter. Any suggestions on how we deal with Godmother, who takes things very personally? She has also bought several games for her for Christmas coming up, one of which I had wanted to give, as it was my own favorite game. Suggestions?

Answer 1

As for the SS#, I would NOT give it to anybody. That is dangerous, as I'm sure you know. Talk to her about the bank account, tell her you will set one up, but make it so she can deposit money into it for your daughter. I wouldn't allow her to be able to take money out though. I'm not a trusting person....About the game, talk to her and explain that you were giving the same game as it has special meaning for you. Let her know that you are glad she accepted the role as Godmother, but you are her mother and want to share special moments with your daughter.

Answer 2

Ok, with today's worry about identitiy theft, I can see why some of the answers you gave. But for proper tax reporting, you would need the child's SS# on the account. If not, she will be paying taxes on the interest instead of it going to the child, who doesn't have to pay taxes at this point. The same would apply to Savings bonds. The recipient's SS# should be on record for tax reporting purposes of the interest. I personally don't see the harm of giving the godmother the SS#. Are you worried she will steal your daughter's identity? Your daughter doesn't have a credit history or anything like that. There is nothing to steal.

Here is a way to do it. Have the godmother open the account. Tell her that you will stop in to the bank to give them the SS# directly. Tell her that your concern is that somwhere the information could get stolen between transfer to her and the bank, if she writes it down and set's down the paper etc. That way you won't come across that you don't trust her. You can also open up your own account for her. This one will be one that the godmother can contribute to as she wants and you don't have to be involved.

As far as the game goes, the polite thing to do would be to give her the game, and tell the godmother that in the future, she should run gift ideas by you, because there are some that you might have already bought for her and there would end up being duplicates.

I hope this helps. Please consider the thought in the gift and not take it too personally. She is trying to do something nice, and you should make sure you recognize that.

Answer 3

Tackle the big problem first.

There is absolutely no legitimate reason for her to have your daughter's SSN. If she wants to provide a bank account for your daughter, YOU fill out the paperwork and open one, and she can make the deposits. That's the purpose anyway, right? If she gets upset about that, it would certainly seem like there is more to it than she's letting on.

That's the big problem.

Did she know you wanted to give your daughter that particular game? If she bought it, knowing you wanted to give it to your daughter, that is just rude. If she had never been told you wanted to, you probably should just let it go. It won't be the last time duplicate gifts are given. At least, in this circumstance, you can avoid that.

If she's just a really close friend, and you think she'd understand, ask if she would mind trading out the Christmas gifts. Buy the game from her, wrap it up and give it to your daughter. Then she can purchase a replacement with the money she got from the game.

Answer 4

How about asking her to give bonds instead of opening up a checking account for your daughter? I recently got one, and they don't have my social so I don't believe she'll need her social security number to do that, and it is actually better than a savings account, the interest is higher that way.

EDIT: what about having the godmother put the account in both her and your daughter's name, with HER social security number. It will still have the same effect for her, and she won't have to have your daughter's social.

As far as the gift giving, make a habit of discussing what you want to get her as gifts well before she may be buying things for her. That way you're putting it out there what you're getting her, avoiding her buying the gifts you'd like to buy for her.

Good luck, and feel fortunate she is so excited about your daughter and wants to dote on her like this. The "family" will be a great addition into your child's life.

Congrats on the new little girl!!

Answer 5

In no uncertain terms should you provide her with the SS#. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. (OK, sorry - I think you get the point) :-)

She should not be the one setting up a bank account for your daughter. If she choses to set aside funds, she can deposit them into an account of your choice. But since I am not a financial advisor, I would recommend you find one and explain the situation fully.

Two big reasons for her to not open a bank account for your child come to mind:
1. You may not know about interest that your daughter's account is earning. Right now, that may not be a problem, but in a few years, when your daughter has other income, could get you in trouble with the IRS. (My daughter started working part time, and between her earned and unearned income, will have to file a tax return. If someone else had set up an account with her SS#, we could get gigged for not paying taxes on the interest).
2. It is likely the Godmother would set this up as a joint account. In doing so, you have no control over what goes into or out of this account. While she may be telling you she is depositing funds as gifts to your daughter, she could withdraw them later if your friendship falters. I don't mean to approach this with a pessimistic view -- just looking at the reality of what could happen.

In closing, I would suggest that you tell her "While we appreciate your wanting to open an account for (insert name), my husband and I would rather we set up her account. If you would like, we will gladly contact the bank to get you the account information so you can make direct deposits into her account. With all the problems with identity theft, I'm sure you understand why we find it appropriate to be the ones who set up her account and control her personal information."

Clearly, you wish to control who has her SS# and are doing so in the best interest of your daughter. If you Godmother has a problem with that, try to remember, it is HER problem. Although I'm telling you something you already know: As a parent, your first priority is to look out for your child. While the relationship with her Godmother is important, I would hope she wouldn't try to use that as leverage to get you do to something you'd rather not do.

Best of luck. I am sure a good financial advisor can help you set up an account that your daughter's Godmother can put funds into without divulging her SS#.

Answer 6

First, protect that SSN with your life. If your daughter's SSN gets into the wrong hands then they could ruin her credit history before she's old enough to even have it. I know someone whose eight month old child already has bad credit because his card got intercepted in the mail. No joke. If she insists on setting up a bank account, explain that you would be glad to set one up yourself and allow her to make regular contributions. That way, the SSN is protected and your friend gets to contribute.

As for the game, did you already say that you'd wanted to purchase the particular game for your daughter and why? If so, your friend has made a major faux pas and you need to let her know that you are upset. If she refuses to see it from your point of view, you could always have an "early christmas" (either a week before or on Christmas Eve) where your family picks one present for the others to open. You and your husband could pick the game you bought for her.

Answer 7

The game issue is pretty Petty in my opinion, she is trying to be nice and if you never made any indication that YOU wanted to buy the game yourself for her than all she did was pick up a gift she figured the child would enjoy.

As for the SS# you can go in with her when she sets up the account, you will probably have to sign off some papers anyways because you are the guardian not her godmother. She would need the SS# if she got a bond, opened an RESP or anything else that collects interest. The interest is considered income and because she is a child she do not have to pay taxes on it, if it was in the adults name the interest would be taxed and taken out on the godmothers annual taxes. She is trying to be nice, I do not think she wants to steal your child's identity. I have given my sons out to his grandparents because they have a Canadian education bond for him, I have given it out to our insurance company and the company dealing with his RESPs. Simply explain that you are not comfy giving out that info and that you have no problem going with her to fill out the forms.

Answer 8

I gave a few close family members, like my mom and gram, my daughters. They needed it in order to purchase savings bonds for her for various things (xmas, baptism, etc).

You wanted godparents and now you have them. They are treating your child like family, isn't that what you wanted? I would give her the number and calmly express to her that you want her to be careful with it. You obviously trusted them to be a part of her life and this is how she is choosing to do so.

Answer 9

u dont give anyone your childs social security number. ever heard of identity fraud. instead open the account yourself. then try to make the godmother understand and if she doesn't, you did what u had to do.

Answer 10

Tell her that you'll be opening up a bank account for your daughter and she's welcome to donate funds which you will put into your daughter's account.

God mothers don't need to know the name of the bank or the Social Security numbers.

Pastor Art