Do you just smile and grind you teeth or do you avoid them whenever possible?
My husbands family drives me nuts-
His mother told me weeks ago that My husband's sister and brother bought her these really nice shelves for Christmas.... I forgot all about it and didn't even notice them on Thanksgiving. Well, after talking to my husband's sister- we told her we bought a really nice TV because ours broke and that's our christmas present to each other. On Sunday, I get a call from his Sister asking if we are going to chip in for the shelves!!?
1. We didn't have anything to do with it- or the planning of it.
2. She paid her friend and outrageous amount of money to do it.
3. She already took credit and gave the shelves to her mother weeks ago!
I feel they didn't involve us because we just got done paying for a wedding (Nov 3) but changed their minds when they found out we had enough cash to buy a TV!
I just polietly told her NO and that we bought his mom a gift from Ireland.
2007-11-26 02:49:42 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What would you do??
If it was my own sister- I would have told her to stick it and that she had a lot of nerve.
I try hiding from these people but they throw themselves birthday parties so I get stuck seeing them at least once a month!!
Now, I know why people move really far away......
2007-11-26 02:51:15 · update #1
My husband doesn't deal- he either gives in to what they want or ignores them and leaves me in the middle!!
I tried to get him involved but that's just results in him giving in more!
2007-11-26 02:58:53 · update #2
i try not to see any of his f amily until it is necessary. His mother never speaks to me but in public i am her fav daughter in law. She called me last tues night (which was a shocker in itself) and asked me to run errands for her on wednesday. I said "no, i gotta work!" Well at thanksgiving dinner she was bragging about how she was at my other SIL house all day on Wednesday!!!! WTF! I completely lost my appetite and left the table. His sister is always screwing up plans I make saying that it makes her uncomfortable. Well It finally hit me that I could give a rats behind. Next time I plan on telling her that it is not about her and that she is 33 and needs to grow up because i am so sick of it. In the past when i did not conform to her standards she would threaten me by saying I could not be around her kids.... I never told my husband that till after lunch on Thursday. He was pissed. He is so done with them. I have to hear about days when my MIL and both SIL's go out shopping and eatting lunch and whatever. I honestly do not get any of them at all. And they make me angry but I can not and will not allow any of them to bring my mood down any longer. .......
Sorry for ranting, but i do feel better. :)
2007-11-26 03:01:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason for you to help pay for the shelves that weren't supposed to be from you anyway, and i'm sure your mil will like whatever you got her from ireland.
I would (if I had to) explain that yes you got a new tv, but that is christmas for you guys to each other because you couldn't afford it otherwise and can't afford to do anything more for each other. You already bought mom a gift, and that's what you are giving her. Tell her if she needed help paying for them, she shouldn't have bought them, or should have spoken to you before now, before they were purchased. Tell her nicely that if she wants to get an expensive gift for the parents at Christmas, you wouldn't mind helping out another year, as long as the decision is made together by all of you. Not her pick it out and buy it and want reimbursed.
However, it could also have been her way of offering to help you guys out because the gift has been paid for, and if you didn't have much, you could give some $$$ towards the shelves and be able to give mom a nice gift. You know her personality enough to know if she was being nice or being a witch to avoid paying for them herself.
Take it in stride, inlaws suck, but if you can deal with a few hours every month, and smile and be the good lil wife, it will save a lot of problems. Luckily i get along with my MIL just fine, and my SIL (who I hate) only comes home once or twice a year.
2007-11-26 03:07:56 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Always Right 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think what you did was fine...you politely answered her question and told her you'd already purchased her Christmas gift.
If she brings it up again it would be a great opportunity for you to compliment her on the gift she and her brother got their mom, say that you're sure their mom loves it...and maybe next year the two of you can help the brothers find another wonderful gift for her...
that way, she's not put on the spot for not asking you beforehand for financial help with the gift, you're not appearing to be a tightwad, and you've got the seeds planted to be involved next year.
On the other hand, if you and your husband can afford to chip in on it go ahead and do so. You don't have to go a full share if you can't afford it, but if you can, why not? Gift giving isn't all about getting the credit, but about the joy of sacrificing of yourself (your time, your money) for others.
Family ties are very important. I wouldn't do anything to compromise it if possible. My MIL passed away right before the birth of our first child. While we still see my DH's family, his mom was the glue that held everyone together. I really miss her and the family get togethers she planned.
2007-11-26 03:04:42 · answer #3 · answered by tfcc_shetex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since they are your in-laws it's NOT really your place to "deal" with their behaviors.. It's your husbands ! I wouldn't fret too much about "chipping" in for the shelves. If you weren't involved from the get-go then let your husband explain that the two of you made "other" arrangements. I'm sure the gift from Ireland will be much appreciated.. It's none of anyone else's business what the two of you do with your money....
Maybe next holiday season everyone can get together and "chip" in for a nice gift(s) for the parents... OR NOT !
So, I would just tell your MIL/SIL that the shelves are lovely. No use causing a "scene" over nothing.... Good luck
2007-11-26 02:56:41 · answer #4 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is no in the middle. You do NOT have to attend anything you don't want simply because they are family. Go when you want, don't go when you don't want to. It would be nice to send a card. I wouldn't give money for the shelves and you handled it beautifully. They are his family and as long as you are kind and decent you are not obligated to do any more. There's a lot that we don't participate because my husbands family talks down to us. So we see them once or twice a year. It's not a biggy. And it sounds like your husband is flexible and not shoving anyone down your throat. Just tell people you have other plans and be polite. If they start to give you a hard time, don't try to explain, just tell them thank you for the invite, maybe next time. You don't owe anyone explainations for anything.
Good luck,
Linda
2007-11-26 03:40:53 · answer #5 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I feel your pain. I have a sister in law that wants to be in charge of Christmas gifts, and wants us to chip in for something that I consider overpriced. For example, one year she bought her mother a 75.00 ink pen, and wanted us to pay half!!!!! I think it is probably best to try to grin and bear the small things. (Like attending birthday parties and things of that nature.) But I would not let other people control my money. You need to be sure that you and your husband are on the same page, and he will back you up when things like this come up. I think if you lay down some rules now with the in laws, things will be better in the long run..........Good Luck this is never easy....but remember, you married your hubby, so that in laws are part of the deal, just try to pick your battles.
2007-11-26 02:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by julie A 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, not all in-laws are alike. My present in-laws are great, a wonderful family. My ex-in-laws were horrendous, and most of the time, I just smiled, ground my teeth, shut my ears, and took an aspirin.
As for the shelves, you are in no way obligated to pay for them - even if you were billionaires - as it was THEIR idea, and you were not consulted. You are smart not to give in to this ploy, because if you had, your in-laws would be taking advantage of you every chance they get - they know a good carpet when they step on it (in other words, they'd walk all over you)!
2007-11-26 02:56:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
He will not deal with it...because now he has you to deal with those "menial" things.
In my opinion, you handled it perfectly. You politely told her no and told her a reason. That should do it.
Attend all family functions and smile even if you don't feel like attending or smiling and try your best to blend in and mingle with them as this is a smart move on your part. Try to always be on their good graces and pick your battles wisely. Some stuff is best just to give in because is not worth all the stress, sometimes you have to put your foot down if the ocassion is worth it.
Good luck
2007-11-26 03:45:57 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is the biggest problem with marriage - In-Laws.
Though I have never been married, I have had to deal with both of my parents remarrying, as well as the families of various girlfriends, which taught me the invaluable ability of being able to be nice to people that I utterly hate. Which is the only thing you really can do; grin and bear it. These people are family to you, now, so unless you either divorce your husband, or move out of the state (Or preferrably, country) there is no other way of dealing with them that won't make dealing with them worse than it is now.
2007-11-26 02:59:20 · answer #9 · answered by Rhythmik 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
LOL knowing me, I'd still tell her to stick it!
Your right.....You had nothing to do with the gift! How dare her feel she can do this and that and expect this and that!
Move far away! Or if you can't stop all together on all the birthday parties! So what if you become the "evil family member" every family needs one! LOL
Good luck!!
2007-11-26 03:01:14 · answer #10 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋