What do you do when your child (son) gets to a certain age and says they want to live with their dad and you know its because there are no rules there and they are allowed to do whatever they want?
2007-11-26 02:46:08 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If he legally can say he wants to live there, you either need to let him or take the father to court and prove he is incompetant.
2007-11-26 02:49:12 · answer #1 · answered by hailey. 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You haven't really given us enough information to offer informed suggestions. When you say there are no rules at his dad's house, what does that really mean? Is the supervision as it should be - from an objective perspective? Does the dad have his son's best interests in mind? Does he love his son? Does he want his son to live with him? Have you asked him? Is there room for him there full time? What arrangements could be made for him to spend time with you?
I don't know what you mean by a "certain age". How old? It may be that there are no rules at dad's house because his dad doesn't see him much and so dad wants to keep things all fun and games when your son is there. Is that a possibility?
In any case, you need to talk to the dad and between the two of you make the best decision for your son. If your son is at his dad's house more, his dad might find that he has to make some rules - things change when the child is there almost full time. All three of you need to be involved in this decision. And is there another woman in dad's life? Does she live there? If so, she is not part of the decision from your perspective, but obviously dad needs to think about her perspective.
Not a simple question. Nor is there a simple answer. All three of you need to get together and talk about it.
I hope these thoughts are of some help to you.
2007-11-26 10:57:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that, when he was born, you & dad agreed to work together to raise him with two strong parents. When you split up, you agreed to that, too, deciding on what the best arrangement would be, that would give him the best from both of his parents. Let him know that, if he likes, you & dad can talk over the arrangement, to make sure that you both still agree that it is what is best for him, then you'll let him know if there are going to be any changes.
Then, you & dad talk it over as adult co-parents (not as former romantic partners) & decide what's best for your child.
Just because you are no longer married/partnered with a child's parent doesn't mean that the child gets to start making the major decisions in his/her life - especially regarding parenting matters.
2007-11-26 11:25:58 · answer #3 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe things won't be as bad with Dad as you hope they are going to be? Let him go live with him. Let go. If things are bad at Dad's your son will know that. He will miss you and want to come back. But the worst thing you can do is deny him from going because your son will resent you for it for the rest of your life.
2007-11-26 10:50:43 · answer #4 · answered by sshazzam 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well of course you will say that, he is your ex and your kid wants to live with him.
There is a certain age where kids really do need to be around their same-sex parent more.
I am sure your ex has issues with your parenting style too.
I say, as long as you ex is capable mentally and financially of supporting him, it would be better for your son if that is what he is asking for.
2007-11-26 12:31:00 · answer #5 · answered by Sunny And '74 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ohhh boy. Well, I suppose you can try to tell him no. But, his father has just as much of a right to have him as you do unless he does illegal things etc. I guess you cant let him go and just see what happens but I bet he'll come back eventually. He's going to reach a certain age at some point where you can't stop him. It's your decision though for now.
2007-11-26 10:50:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I agree with answer one.. I know whats it like to grow up with out a father not only a son needs a father but a girl does to...you cant quit him from seeing his father if this is just the case you and the father should get together and discuss this matter together.
2007-11-26 11:03:47 · answer #7 · answered by sexysweetplum 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's a very good Q? My fiance's daughter wants to live w/ him too.I think it because they miss them alot and even tho the rules are different to a point.Think if it came to the right i don't see y not.but then i know it's gonna be hard on the mother.
2007-11-26 10:53:28 · answer #8 · answered by Diana$@$ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he can live with Dad when he is 16 or older. Until then, be consistent and strong. Sometimes this means being the "bad guy", but you aren't his friend, you're his parent. OF COURSE allow frequent visits with his father - children need a father as much as a mom. But you knew that.
2007-11-26 10:49:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
maybe try talking to their dad and asking him to come up with some rules, (but not too many because there is a certain limit to what children can handle) and then i guess let the kids live there
2007-11-26 10:52:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
tell them that when they are 18, they can do as they wish, but untill he graduates from highschool with good marks, he isnt going anywhere. A structured life is best for kids, and if dad is gonna let them run a muck, then its not a good thing. visitation and weekends is probebly best. or you can talk to the dad, maybe he dosnt want the son full time like that. but if he does, then their has to be rules and they have to be followed. you can always do a trial run on them both to see how it works
2007-11-26 10:49:31 · answer #11 · answered by louie 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋